Should I just end it?

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If the suffering is so unbearable and there's simply no place for somebody like me in this world, then would it make logical sense just to leave?

I have nobody. No friends, no peers and I've completely estranged myself from my family. I'm having no Christmas because I just have no interest in it. It all feels fake to me, just like everything else in this world.

No, you should not.

Please don't!
I felt the way you do a few days ago. This season really is very hard!
Hang in there. It always gets better at some point.

Absolutely not. It sounds like you really want to escape the pain, and not actually end your life. As ThisTimelessMoment said, it will get better. I too am having no Christmas, just me alone. But it gives me time to recharge and engage in my interests. There are places for you, too, this being one of them.

NO!
you have a thousand alternatives, you might just need somebody to help you figure out your best choices.

Please get help. I had to have an outsider (therapist) explain my choices to me because I was locked into behavior and beliefs I was trained to as a child and could not see beyond that.

I learned healthier ways to communicate, how to set boundaries, how to see when others were manipulating, using, or intimidating me, how to respond in healthy ways to those things, and so much more.

There is no shame in reaching out to find new ways to live life. counseling saved my life and my sanity.

Start by using a suicide hotline or 24 hour crisis line to ask for recommendations on who to contact to get started.

Learning new skills to use in my life was the emotionally scariest and the best thing I ever did.
keep us posted.

Been there. Almost did that. Got well shown I wasn't alone. Got more well shown I could stop/ease others endings. So I didn't, and won't. Nor would I wish you to. There's lot's of unsuffering to do.

Life for each of us is far too complicated to remain static for long. There are far too many variables for even an isolated, running system to remain locked in a loop indefinitely.

Even if the first noticeable change of state is not necessarily for the better, change WILL occur, and believe it or not, you do have some control over which direction your life will lead.

As one who has been where you are now, I can tell you that I am glad that I am still here, despite the many times I wished I was not.

Make a list, whether mental or written, of moments in your life that brought you some level of satisfaction or peace. If your answer to this is "there have been none", then perhaps reconsider this mental pursuit. Do you believe that someone who has never experienced a positive moment can have survived for long?

I know from experience that when one is feeling bad, that imagining the times when one was in a better state of mind is VERY difficult. Equally, on reflection, it is as difficult when in a "good place" to imagine just why one was so morose at some low ebb in life. But if you can recall some positive moments, rest assured that they are not lost to time. This more positive state of mind that you have been in in the past is an "operating mode" that your mind has achieved, and still can. The "software" is still there, but finding it in the index may require some exploration time, as it may well not be in the "Recently used items" area...

I've heard it said that people can't REALLY remember what pain feels like when not currently experiencing it. Whether that applies to "just" physical pain, or emotional pain, as well (and they may be essentially identical), I can't say for sure. I'm imagining that the opposite may be true, as well, and that a positive state of mind can not be truly re-experienced when in a depressed, hopeless state. Your task is only to remember that a positive state was possible in the past, which means that it is possible in the future.

Given that spending every waking moment in the pursuit of seemingly fleeting, lost hope is probably not advisable, or even healthy, the usual advice I give myself when feeling like this is to find some, ANY distraction to occupy some of my time. What distraction may best suit you is, unfortunately, something that only you may be able to determine.

That other you is awaiting your help. Be the hero that saves him from the darkness!

Of course it makes logical sense.
frankly I'm surprised there's even a single remaining human choosing to stay alive today.
Certainly everyone can see that this universe and those in it are unambiguously hostile beyond belief?
And clearly notice that even the simplest efforts have preposterously unreasonably high odds of failure??

But somehow, the Skyscrapers keep standing..

Optimism is humanity's most abysmal logical failure, AND their greatest strength..

Leaving though, terminates the other options, we'll all died soon enough anyway..
Might as well hang on and make 'this mortal toil' earn it's win the hard way..



I wonder if anyone does or if they're just fooling themselves into imagining life really is a happy happy joy joy sitcom..
I've met so many that somehow ran out of friends and family at exactly the same time they ran out of money..
Fair weather friends don't sound like friends at all.

Perhaps what you're missing.. doesn't even exist for anyone..

Certainly not for me..

Oh! I've got a Dog! She's why I'm not dead last week.

Life can be enjoyed alone too. You don't have to make other people your reason for living even if society indoctrinates you to do that.

No! I've felt like that before and it really felt like it would last forever and it doesn't. I had to realise I couldn't rely on others and I had to take things into my own hands to start feeling better. It's not perfect but past me would be shocked at how much better things are. I hope you find what will be that turning point for you. I know it can be hard though and I wish you all the best!

Please let us know how you are doing. we care!

don't end it

I've been on my own for Xmas for over 20 years

life is still worth it

its the only one. you got

embrace it

Do you use Reddit? I'm sure someone was organising a walk in Edinburgh today for anyone to turn up to.

I follow r/Edinburgh and r/Glasgow because I have links to both cities and like to keep up with what's happening. So it was either Edinburgh or Glasgow, though it could have been Newcastle. Might be a new year's Day walk too you could join.

If the "Edinburgh" in your profile is in the U.K., then you live in a country that has the best-developed adult autistic community in the entire world, as far as I can tell.

I would suggest that you look around for a local autistic adult support group. These days, most groups are meeting via Zoom, but hopefully soon they'll be able to meet in-person again.

I've just been talking to a friend from Edinburgh. There is a little support group called The Hub in Gilmore Street in Newington. I can't see the details for it online, but she says they have a sign in the window and a contact number. They're very friendly. You can drop in for a cuppa and they offer support like applying for benefits and stuff.