I was hospitalized again

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I went off my meds. It felt like a bad idea to take them. Then I started having extreme paranoid thoughts and then it cycled into really good feelings and those were also bad according to my family.

I sort of just lost control I guess. I feel more stable now though.

sorry to hear about this, I understand it is really hard to stay on meds sometimes, hope you keep on taking care of yourself and that things get better for you.
No shame in reaching out when you are struggling or have bad days.
We are here to listen and support.

Always fun, is it not? I've never been under suicide watch before, so I guess I have that going for me.

I probably should have gone 5 or so months ago, but I was needed here, so I had to remain as whole as I could on my own. I'm glad I didn't go. I had thoughts and dreams keeping me company for a couple of months, as they do, along with the odd phone call to services. I know all of the psychiatric methods, so in reality, a hospital is just a place where people do things for you and you can get things out to me. The thoughts and dreams...brought that memory to me, the memory of things I want and always wanted. I decided that I'll fix myself this time, and in the least, give back something I've needed to for a long time. I did that. I got some help I wouldn't ask for (nor do I feel like I deserve, but that's how I am).

Mental illness and life got to me, as it does.