Where to meet potential lovers?

Post Reply New Topic

So here I am... I have never been in a relationship while all those around me are and I has been eating me alive and driving me crazy. I started this year working on myself A LOT more. I have lost 20 or so pounds and have continued to eat healthier compared to how I used to eat. Even though I have worked on myself I still am having a hard time meeting people. I have tried dating apps like Tinder and Bumble... no dice. I have tried going to bars... no dice. I have gone to some clubs.. no dice. I have continued to going to concerts alone and chatting with other fans... no dice. All the girls I talk to are either taken or are not into men. I don't know what to do. My loneliness is killing me. I am just craving connection.

Anywhere people gather without a specific group purpose -- bars and pubs, usually.  Street festivals, art shows, animal shows, music festivals, and church "fellowship times" (e.g., "coffee breaks") may also provide opportunities to meet people.

The butler in Arthur suggested that Arthur may have met his principal love interest in a bowl alley. I guess it's worth a try.

To SomethingGenuine: What are your hobbies/interests, if any?

Do you have any hobbies/interests that are likely to be shared by substantial numbers of women as well as men?

If so, I would suggest looking for relevant groups, e.g. on Meetup.com.

If you do this, be sure to go to such groups not JUST to meet someone, but also, and primarily, for the sake of the group's focus, whatever it may be. Hobby-oriented groups tend to dislike men who are there JUST to pick up women.

That's my problem. My hobbies and interests don't attract single women. They attract women who come with their husbands and boyfriends, but that's it. I also need to interact with people before conversing with them so that doesn't help.

I understand not being able to meet people & potential partners. My hobbies have always been things people mostly do at home like watching TV, playing video-games, & listening to music while doing various things on computer. There were things to do in my extended area but I was not into them partly due to disabilities. I'm from the deep south & I was not into hunting & fishing, football, bars/clubs, & I'm not religious(I'm a Secular Humanist). I also cant drive cuz my vision is too bad & my area was kinda ruralish & had no public transportation system. I did get out a bit but I had to rely on my parents to bring me places & they both worked. I tried meeting women at work(when I was working), at a support group, & I asked friends & my cousins to try setting me up. I also tried lots of dating sites but I never got so much as a single date from any of that stuff. I've met all three girlfriends I've had on online forums by posting about things aLOT, I met my 2nd & then my current on this forum.

I have said it to several young men your age here and I'll say it to you.

You are 22. It would be surprising if you DID have significant meaningful experience with women.

Don't lose hope. You have a lot of growing up to do. Work on yourself. Improve yourself. Results will show.

So, how would me, another poster, be discreet about that, since that’s all I would care about?

If at all possible, you need to find other things you can genuinely care about besides just finding a partner. Having other things you care about would make you a much more interesting person (at least to people who share the interests in question), thereby also making it much easier to find a partner.

EDIT: If that's NOT possible for you, then maybe consider an a strategy similar to nick007's path as discussed here.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 22 Jun 2023, 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When you say you need to "interact" with people before conversing with them, what kind(s) of interaction(s) are you talking about?

So I have tried using Meetup.com. So when you sign up for a group and see meetings you can see whos going to a meeting. Anytime I see who is going to meetings its usually old people and not people around my age. Also I’m 100% down for friendships too. I would/have not joined any groups just to pick up women; most to meet friends.

I have gone to many bars and concerts at bar like venues. The ladies I have tried talking to are either taken, not into me, or are only into other women. It is very unmotivating.

Usually but not always?


If you happen to be strongly interested in the focus of a particular group, I would suggest going there regardless of the age or other demographic characteristics of the majority of attendees (as long as they're at least adults).

Even if you're unlikely to find a potential romantic partner there, you might find friends who could eventually introduce you to potential romantic partners.

Also, for many autistic people, it's actually easier to make friends with people who are either much older or much younger than ourselves than with people our own age. And, given how difficult it is for most of us to make friends, I think it behooves us to be open to friendship with anyone with whom we have sufficient commonalities to sustain a friendship, regardless of any superficial demographic characteristics. So I think it behooves us to seek friends who share our interests and/or values, and who have compatible personalities, regardless of their age.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 23 Jun 2023, 6:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

It is not about going places.

It is about making friends and acquaintances; without a social network you won’t achieve anything.

No one will talk to a loner even if you are in a gathering place.

The Love Shack came to mind when I saw your thread title.

I'm not trying to make light of it, but I thought it might cheer you up.






https://youtu.be/9SOryJvTAGs

You do have a point. Somebody has to make the 1st move & initiate & attempt a conversation & the other has to reciprocate. Some people do reach out to loners thou but they may also be loners or outsiders themselves or just caring people.