Is there any hope for me at all?

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I'm 31 years old, I've tried disclosing my diagnosis to some women, some who didn't necessarily judge me on that, but it didn't get me anywhere.

I had my first rejection when I was 15 years old and a freshman in high school. I don't know, maybe more than 100, possibly 200, have rejected me in my lifetime. I've even survived a suicide attempt over someone I was infatuated and chased for about two years, wanting nothing to do with me. Not only did she get married, she got married on a weekend of the anniversary of my suicide attempt.

I had my first date at 22, first kiss at 23, first girlfriend at 23, a brief romantic relationship at 29. I haven't kissed a woman since November 2021, haven't had affection and intimacy that I crave in more than two years.

If there's someone for everyone, I very much would like to meet that person and get on with my life.

I have a dream wedding all fantasized and planned out in my head as I seek to be the center of attention at this wedding, with all eyes on me. I know what music I'd want her to walk down the aisle to, I know I want to DJ my own wedding and play the songs I want to play with a big party and having a microphone talking throughout the night at the reception.

I had a date a couple of weeks ago, we texted throughout the week, haven't heard from her in almost 10 days and I think she unmatched me on my profile. I had someone who was excited to want to meet me until she unmatched when she looked on my profile and saw I was an atheist.

It feels like I'm screaming into my pillow, and I've cried untold amounts of tears for 17 years - with slight reprieves here and there since I've reached adulthood.

Honestly, I would like a woman to like me for me, but even if not, I'll just take anybody. I'm not above wanting a woman to feel sorry for me and be with me out of sympathy. If that's what it takes, I'm really not, and I'm not above settling just so I won't be alone. I don't even care if she likes me, as long as she'll be with me. Why would somebody be with somebody they don't like? I've read stories on the web, and it appears relationships aren't governed by logic anyway. I think I'd have some more fortune if they were.

I feel like that tree that falls in the forest and I make a sound, but nobody's there to hear me.

If the right one is out there, I just need to find her. I've got a dream wedding I want really badly.

Women on Hiki are often so far away, and I haven't met anyone off there yet. I'm looking for a woman I want to spoil and pamper and be a gentleman to while also looking for someone I can be goofy and serious with. I'm wanting my best friend, and I know I'm the farthest thing from perfect with my shortcomings, but I'd like to think I have good things about me and am just wanting someone to see the good in me and appreciate it.

But the more I get shunned, the more I get neglected by women, the more I hate myself. I'm hoping there's a woman out there, be it in this forum or on planet, just about any woman, who could be with me and give me that peace of mind, who can boost my self-esteem. My job can be a lot of fun and a lot of people appreciate me, but I can also work six or seven days a week, and often feel like I only exist just to work my job, with little breaks in between, especially as someone who is proud of work ethic.

So, at 31, do I have any hope? Or is it too late for me?

****Disclaimer: While you're obviously welcome to respond and give feedback in any you want, preferably some validation and some comforting, all I ask is that you be respectful and don't flame me or put me down. This is not an attempt at trolling, these are actual emotions that I'm feeling.

Emotions are strong and difficult to ignore. It's probably eating you up inside. Letting your feelings out here might help release some of the tension. Maybe chat to Chris1989 too, he's a nice guy but is lonely and wants a girlfriend too.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Some people meet a partner on this site, it has been known to happen. But you may prefer someone nearer who you can see.

But life is full of surprises. Hopefully luck will come your way pretty soon. Don't listen to people who say everyone over 30 is no longer attractive and all that BS. You have the same chance of meeting a girlfriend at your age as a person 10 years younger does. I know lots of people much older than us who have found new partners. My 68-year-old aunt got married to her 70-year-old boyfriend last year.

And don't listen to people who judge any age gap bigger than 5 years. As long as you're both consenting adults, it's OK. So if you found a girlfriend who is 24, it doesn't matter. I was 24 when I met my boyfriend, who was in his 50s at the time. Nine years later and we're still together happily. So there is hope. Just don't give up.

You sound a lot like me when I was in my 20s. I was very desperate for a relationship but the odds were majorly stacked against me due to me having various physical & mental disabilities besides autism. All 3 of the relationships I had started online & I met them on forums, the latter two were this forum. I was single for 8 years straight after my 1st relationship ended when I was 20. I couldn't get so much as a single date offline & dating sites never got me a date either

What ultimately worked for me was seeking out women who had various mental & physical issues & talking about ways I could be supportive. I talked about things aLOT online & with the people I knew offline & they got tired of hearing about how lonely & desperate I was My current girlfriend read a bit of my posts on this forum & sent me a PM. She has various physical & mental issues as well & thought I might could relate & understand her better than others have. She also felt sorry for me, she's empathic & feels bad when she knows others do. I hated where I was living & was very willing to relocate for a partner if they had a place. Cass had lived alone for a year but couldn't really handle it due to anxiety & depression. She had housing assistance but was thinking about moving back in with her parents when she read some of my posts.

I'm NOT trying to rub this in your face or anything. I know I was majorly lucky but perhaps something like that could work for you if you could meet women who were disabled. You mentioned that you work a lot & if you have a decent income & your own place, that might could be an advantage. If I had my own place in my 20s I would have taken in a woman who needed a place to stay. I knew a couple women online who would have been interested but I was living with my parents & knew mom would not have let me have a girlfriend move in with them. I was trying to get my own place but it was dragging on & on.

I'll add that what worked for me was kinda the opposite of the stereotypical advice usually given to lonely guys which is don't act desperate & fix yourself before seeking a relationship. I was trying to work on myself in various ways but I was usually running in place even when I was working. In some ways I've made a lot more progress after getting in my current relationship than I did the entire time I was single after my 1st relationship ended. Different things can be attractive to different people & it's important to think about what might could be realistic for you in your situation. I wasn't able to really apply the typical advice I received. I also tried to consider the source of advice I got. In general I tend to value advice more from people who can relate somewhat but there are exceptions & I take things on a case by case basis.