I still feel like single people are narrowing

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chris1989
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09 Feb 2025, 4:13 am

Despite knowing there are maybe a lot of people living with parents and single, I still feel like it's narrowing and that meeting anyone who is single is getting smaller as people are getting into their 30s. It always seems to come across to me that people start to rush things in their 30s when it comes to marriage, kids and so on.



Sweetleaf
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09 Feb 2025, 5:03 am

chris1989 wrote:
Despite knowing there are maybe a lot of people living with parents and single, I still feel like it's narrowing and that meeting anyone who is single is getting smaller as people are getting into their 30s. It always seems to come across to me that people start to rush things in their 30s when it comes to marriage, kids and so on.


I mean for people who do want kids and such, if they have not had them by their 30's they can be in a rush, as women can have menopause as early as 40 to where they would not be able to have a kid. so if they want one and havent had one by 30 it would make sense they sort of want to get on with it sooner than later. with a right partner of course but yeah. I figure if say me and my boyfriend broke up....and I was starting over dating at 35 I'd be running into a lot more potential partners that have kids or want them sooner than later so my requirement of not wanting kids and not wanting to be a step-mom, would certainly further limit my pool of potential dating partners. BUt there are still lots of millenial aged people who don't want kids but would like a meaningful long term relationship. But yeah for 30+ year olds who don't have kids but want them, for sure they may want to make that happen sooner than later and its ok if you don't want to commit to something like that....but there are also pleanty 30+ year old people who don't want children and don't already have any. Not every 30+ has kids or wants them.


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chris1989
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10 Feb 2025, 12:43 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Despite knowing there are maybe a lot of people living with parents and single, I still feel like it's narrowing and that meeting anyone who is single is getting smaller as people are getting into their 30s. It always seems to come across to me that people start to rush things in their 30s when it comes to marriage, kids and so on.


I mean for people who do want kids and such, if they have not had them by their 30's they can be in a rush, as women can have menopause as early as 40 to where they would not be able to have a kid. so if they want one and havent had one by 30 it would make sense they sort of want to get on with it sooner than later. with a right partner of course but yeah. I figure if say me and my boyfriend broke up....and I was starting over dating at 35 I'd be running into a lot more potential partners that have kids or want them sooner than later so my requirement of not wanting kids and not wanting to be a step-mom, would certainly further limit my pool of potential dating partners. BUt there are still lots of millenial aged people who don't want kids but would like a meaningful long term relationship. But yeah for 30+ year olds who don't have kids but want them, for sure they may want to make that happen sooner than later and its ok if you don't want to commit to something like that....but there are also pleanty 30+ year old people who don't want children and don't already have any. Not every 30+ has kids or wants them.


There is still a strong part of my brain that doesn't want children of my own but my concern is I'm worried that I'll end up regretting it years down the line and I don't want to have those regrets because I seem to think I've heard from some women who had children because of people's concerns that if they don't they might regret it later on because they are focusing on careers etc. I wasn't at all thinking at all when I was younger about kids and nor am I now but I feel like there is this pressure to think now otherwise 10 years later it will be too late. I seem to think older fathers who get the stigma for still having kids.



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14 Feb 2025, 6:14 pm

My advice (for what it's worth) is don't believe the hype. the amount of pressure on me to get married and have kids was always there. I imagined that naturally other parents would gravitate to us and it would make my family bonds closer and we would all be part of something special like fully embraced members of the community. Once we had our daughter we found ourselves largely on our own, and to make things harder when my daughter turned out to have autism people could not run away fast enough. So this has been a journey that we have taken with little or no support from others. My family could not care less about our personal struggles.

Its easy for people to judge you when you don't have kids and make it you are not doing your bit for society. But those same people who put pressure on you are not always going to be there when you have a child. I have made zero friends with other parents (for whatever reason). Its a scam.



cyberdora
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14 Feb 2025, 6:21 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Despite knowing there are maybe a lot of people living with parents and single, I still feel like it's narrowing and that meeting anyone who is single is getting smaller as people are getting into their 30s.


Seems to be two themes in this post. In addition to kids, people who remain single after they are 30 (in some cultures called leftovers) become less flexible and more fixed in their ways. I'm in my late 50s and often find you can run into other people of similar age to me walking their dogs and (sure) they will stop and chat about the weather or ask what's my dogs name but everyone is "busy". Its amusing I have a neighbour who when he sees me always asks "lets catch up for coffee", Its been many years now, I've seen him plenty of times having coffee down at the local cafe with the rest of the street :lol: he's retired but somehow has a busy man.

My point is people are harder to make friends with as they get older. I think even if they are single they put up more barriers so its harder to make meaningful relationships. Just my obervation, it might be different for other people.



ChicagoLiz
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18 Feb 2025, 4:26 pm

Another way to look at it is that as one gains experience in life, one figures out how to live life for themselves instead of simply following the norm. Instead of eagerly trying to make friends with anyone and everyone, quality rather than quantity becomes the watchword. It's great being pleasant to passers-by and neighbors and such, but there are only so many hours in a day, and I think many people would rather have two or three really close relationships in their life rather than a circle of 15 people all vying for time and attention.



chris1989
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30 Sep 2025, 8:42 am

I know a part of me thinks it's ridiculous because I know that's not true but I still can't help feeling that way when it seems like I'm seeing a of people between 30 and 35, tying the knot, settling down and so on especially on social media like people I knew from school and college days and even some 30+ year old celebs are doing the same as well. I do worry also that the only people available for dating will be because people 25 or younger and thinking that they wouldn't want to date someone into his 30s.



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30 Sep 2025, 6:22 pm

It seems to me like a bit of people who got married around their early 20s are getting divorced in their 30s so there's still a bit of single people in their 30s & 40s. They tend to have kids though &/or baggage from their previous relationship but not always. If someone has been mostly single their entire life & is in their 30s or older, others tend to assume there's a negative reason why like the person is extremely picky, has problems getting along with others, is a total mamma's boy, has problems with independent living. That is the case sometimes but there's other various reasons like majorly focusing on their careers, being a caretaker for their parents or other relatives, living in an area that's very cliquish.


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30 Sep 2025, 11:55 pm

nick007 wrote:
It seems to me like a bit of people who got married around their early 20s are getting divorced in their 30s so there's still a bit of single people in their 30s & 40s. They tend to have kids though &/or baggage from their previous relationship but not always. If someone has been mostly single their entire life & is in their 30s or older, others tend to assume there's a negative reason why like the person is extremely picky, has problems getting along with others, is a total mamma's boy, has problems with independent living. That is the case sometimes but there's other various reasons like majorly focusing on their careers, being a caretaker for their parents or other relatives, living in an area that's very cliquish.


Hmm...could it be a result of getting married too early?



nick007
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01 Oct 2025, 12:20 am

^That's def a possibility.


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01 Oct 2025, 5:17 am

People have less time for meeting other people and socializing.

They spend all their time working and online and don't have time for face to face socializing.
You have to work at finding time for face to face activities like going to garden club meetings.



Red82
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01 Oct 2025, 9:33 am

I'm sure statistically that the amount of single people amongst older age groups is fewer. But there are always single people out there and looking. You can always date younger people also, as long as the age gap looks reasonable.



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01 Oct 2025, 9:46 am

Age gap doesn't matter as long as both are consenting adults.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Oct 2025, 11:05 am

Tamaya wrote:
Age gap doesn't matter as long as both are consenting adults.


18 and 70?



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01 Oct 2025, 11:22 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tamaya wrote:
Age gap doesn't matter as long as both are consenting adults.


18 and 70?


Well if that floats their boat.

When my sister was 18 she was in an abusive relationship with a dangerous psychopath who was 50, but whenever we told the police about the situation they were powerless to do anything because my sister was 18 and not admitting to the relationship being abusive, even though it was blatantly obvious. So they put her down to a consenting adult and told us to stop pestering the police about it. They had no proof that he had been grooming her from the age of 15, all they saw at the time was a man in a large age gap relationship, which isn't against the law in the UK if you're both over the age of 18.


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Mikurotoro92
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02 Oct 2025, 1:05 am

Tamaya wrote:
Age gap doesn't matter as long as both are consenting adults.


Yeah but too much of an age gap would look weird to outsiders

10 years should be the maximum amount for an age gap in a romantic relationship like me and David!! !