'not autistic enough'

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i don't feel autistic enough. i feel too different, even from other autistics. i feel like my struggles don't matter because other people have it worse. i feel like since i'm not stereotypically autistic (im hyperverbal not nonverbal) i'm probably not. maybe i just faked my way through the diagnosis. maybe im not actually autistic. maybe im stealing support.

I also feel this way, even though I am still in the process of getting a diagnosis.

My emotional expression is usually calm and often closed off, not open like it might be with other autistic people.

Still, what I feel inside, even if it doesn’t show on the outside, is intense, and I have always wanted an explanation.

hi!
yeah that was how i felt when getting diagnosed (age 12 lol)

Hi.

Still, the autism spectrum is broad, and although not everyone is exactly the same, it is the similarities that place us on the spectrum. So, if you have a diagnosis, I would say you are autistic enough, regardless of differences from the stereotypes.

thank you!
it's good to think of it like that.

p.s: i tried pm-ing you. no pressure to respond!

OP your probably thinking of the stereotype of classic autism instead of Aspergers. Aspergers is considered to be a form of high functioning autism. The latest DSM did away with the Aspergers diagnoses & instead has three different functioning levels of autism. There's a saying on this forum that autism is a spectrum so the DSM change to having autism functioning levels makes sense. Also keep in mind that some people with high functioning autism can be extremely high functioning like Elon Musk but very few autistics are at that level. Also just because some others are lower functioning it does NOT exclude the possibility that you may need supports & assistance as well. That would be like saying that somebody who uses a walking cane is not allowed to park in handicapped spaces because they are not in a wheelchair.

I feel that way too and sometimes I worry people will think I'm faking or exaggerating. Especially when there are people faking it on social media and it's horrible.

I show facial expressions, don't speak in a monotone or flap my hands.

If you gave me a weighted blanket or plushie I'd be "mildly" insulted and struggle from just carrying the thing.

Mainly I have unusual interests and I'm mostly clueless about the unwritten social rules of the society I live in. I find many such rules ridiculous and unnecessary.

I did have a bowl of poison accuse me of faking Asperger's before. It hurt like anything. I don't mind people doubting my diagnosis, as I do often, but when people accuse me of lying about having a diagnosis, that's a different thing and is a sh***y thing to do.
I am not lying, not at all. It happened.

Too weird to be normal, too normal to be weird

It is definitely unpleasant, being falsely accused of lying about something as important as a clinical diagnosis of autism.

I am sorry that you had to endure all of that.

I have the same issues like the OP

I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in 2008 in Poland. I was diagnosed before my 17th birthday. I am also hyperverbal than hypoverbal. I have rather hyperendophasia, definitely not anendophasia. I have a lot of verbal thinking. I am on the disability pension because of Asperger syndrome comorbid with schizotypal disorder and OCD. I was not diagnosed using DSM-V or ICD-11, but I was diagnosed using ICD-10.

As difficult as it has been to accept my diagnosis, I also feel the same way. I joined a support group with other with ASD, and most of them were more severe than I am and I just didn't feel right. But at the same time, while I'm able to "blend in" with society in most ways there are still characteristics that show that I do have autism. It's feels like I'm twice as much as an imposter than I thought I was before.

Sometimes I have mixed thoughts about Asperger syndrome versus classic autism

They are both valid opinions that ASD can be combined with AS or be a part of a separate sort of category
But either ASD it's nothing to be ashamed of it's OK to be who you are and it's OK to need help sometimes whether it's a little help or a lot of help
I tend to be on the other end of it where other people say people like me with people May as classic autism that if we do anything at all, that makes sense that we are miraculous, and we are either hiding being" high functioning" or that we weren't so disabled in the first place, as if we were faking

The subject is complicated in many different ways and sometimes thoughts can be hard to express

When I was officially tested for autism at 20 which was 22 years ago, the quack & his paperwork specially stated that I have Asperger's Personality due to having Schizoid Personality Disorder & I do not have anything on the autism spectrum. Both also stated that I have depression, Borderline Personality Disorder & that I fit all the main features of having Schizotypal Personality Disorder but do not have Schizotypal. During all my time on this forum as well as the various things I've read about autism on other sites, I never heard of a diagnoses of Asperger's Personality ever being made except for the one I got. The quack said I communicated too well verbally & that I seemed too intelligent to be autistic since I had a high-school diploma. I've been diagnosed with dyslexia & AD[H]D since I was in kindergarten. I went to a private Catholic high-school that my parents paid money for me to go to & I had received a bit of accommodations in school & I still only passed some of my classes because my teachers curved my grade. That testing was a couple thousand bucks of my parents money well spent

I had lots of various Aspergers & autism symptoms since I was little. It was so obvious that when I was a toddler my mom told my general practitioner that she thought I was autistic but he laughed & said "Nick's just being Nick". The person who re-certified me for dyslexia accommodations during the summer between 9th & 10 grade told my parents that he thought I had Aspergers which is a form of autism but he was not qualified to diagnose. He offered to refer me for testing but said he did not think there were any more accommodations my school was capable of providing for me. My parents decided not to bother with the cost & hassle since it seemed like nothing would be different.

When I had a mental breakdown at 20, my psychiatrist said during my first appointment that she though I had Aspergers & offered to refer me for testing. I was told I that since autism is a developmental disability that occurs before turning 21, the only way they can know for sure that I had autism before turning 21 was for me to get tested & diagnosed before 21. So after a couple appointments I asked to be referred for testing. She also put me on a waiting list of state services related to having a developmental disability. My name came up on the list about 5 years later & the organization talked about various services they could possibly provide sometime in the future including a group home. However after a bit they said my psychiatrist's diagnoses would not count since she was not qualified to officially diagnose autism. Me & my parents did not mention me being officially tested & autism being ruled out. The organization wanted me to get tested from someone but were not willing to cover the cost of me being tested. Me & my parents decided not to pursue it since we did not think I would get diagnosed & even if I did the state was not able to currently provide useful services for me like a group home for another few years due to lack of funding. We figured that if I actually manged to get their required autism diagnoses & stay on their list, once my name would come up for major services the organization would look for another reason to kick me off their list.

The general practitioner type docs I've seen as an adult as well as the psychiatrist I've seen for a bit a few years ago say I'm autistic. My girlfriend's brother has been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little & him & my girlfriend both believe I have Aspergers & am on the autism spectrum. It's like everyone who's a bit knowledgeable thinks I have it except when it could possibly help qualify me for some kind of extra services or supports.

The only services I qualified for as an adult have been SSI, Social Security Disability, & Medicare, & Medicaid. Social Security Administration thinks I'm autistic but even if they didn't I would still qualify for benefits due to having various mental & physical disabilities some of which are comorbids of autism but others are not related.

As for as what the average layperson in society thinks, some think I have lots of issues but they don't associate me with autism or Aspergers.

That's pretty much me, I can blend in well enough but getting into middle age I am burning out. I always say, what about people like me? Who own their own home, work full time, and our self-sufficient. I feel folks like me are on their own.