Newly diagnosed and not enjoying the ride.

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I'm a 52 year old male that was just diagnosed this month. As you could guess I've spent my life not fitting in and struggling socially, even amongst family.

I was evaluated by a neuropsychologist after having a brain MRI for dizziness and headaches which revealed that I also have obstructive hydrocephalus. I'm awaiting an appointment for further evaluation by neurology/neurosurgery. Unfortunately (or not, time will tell) neuropsych also gave me the diagnosis of ADHD with level 1 autism.

I feel as if this diagnosis has doomed me. I had, up until now, held out hope that my social skills could somehow improve and that I could have real human connections but I'm afraid that those hopes are now dead. I believe I'm in mourning though it's hard to tell. I just know that the existential depression has worsened lately and my outlook for my future life darkened.

If you are older and/or late diagnosed, have you had similar experienced with grief following your diagnosis? Please forgive the long-windedness. I'm having some difficulty navigating this new situation and reconciling to the fact that I've always been defective.

On the contrary I was diagnosed at 45 and was relieved when it came, since family, BF , friends and myself now had all the pieces to fit together

Itcled to many changes for the better. Had they any knowledge of my condition and it's cause when I was still at school, things would have been so much better. But better late than never!

Wishing you well on your future journey of exploration and discovery.

When the penny finally dropped about 15 years ago and I realised that I am "on the spectrum" I didn't bother with a formal diagnosis as, if I had managed for the previous 64 years without realising it then I thought that I could probably carry on a bit longer.
The way I see it is, the reason that the terminology has changed several times in the past few years from "autism" to "aspergers" to "on the spectrum" and now the current favourite "neuro divergent", is because people are beginning to realise that we are not suffering from a mental health condition which can be categorised and labelled, but are just more capable of perceptions in some areas than most people and less capable in other areas (body language being the obvious one)
As the saying goes "It takes all sorts to make a world" and I'm very happy not to be one of the brainwashed masses who just do as they are told and never question anything.
Welcome to the club.

I was diagnosed days before my 65th birthday. I married when I was 45 and I'd been retired since I was 56 so the diagnosis was just personal trivia.

I was surprised how not-interested my siblings were. They were more interested in figuring out if my neurodiversity could give them any insight into themselves.

My then 89 year old Dad was still alive when I got the diagnosis. He was completely disinterested. I got the impression he thought Autism was just some kind of passing fad...from his viewpoint I was "weird" and he'd known that since I was quite young. (But, I was a mostly good "weird"!)

My bride quickly adjusted to the news I had Autism. She just had more reason to accept my oddities. Though she is not ecstatic when she hears me say:

"I have a doctor's note for that!!
Unrelated to Autism I had a brain MRI in 2021. Best guess is the anomalies that motivated the MRI were aftereffects of having had COVID in 2020. But the MRI results got interest from my medical providers...there was a hummingbird! I was referred to a neurologist who found my MRI very interesting...she said she'd had patients with similar MRIs before but they'd been in wheelchairs because of PSP. She is still monitoring me but it is increasingly clear that my MRI anomaly was due to Autism, not PSP (which is very good news!).

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Have you ever had counselling? If not I'd urge that rightaway, ideally with someone at least familiar with the conditions, you don't necessarily need them to be an expert as this can get expensive quickly.

I was diagnosed with AD at 43 a few years ago after some issues that suddenly made it urgent. I tick a lot of ASD boxes too but the specific prevailing issue seemed more AD, and I'd previously been told in unrelated matters I was describing "the definition" of AD (by a shrink,) plus it has the benefit of being simply medicatable, whereas the ASD treatment side of things seems far more convoluted. I worry that an ASD assessment would be little than a very expensive piece of paper telling me something I pretty much already know. Like my dyslexia assessment years ago, I thought I was finding something out about myself that could bring tangible help or improvement, but if you've already got coping strategies enough that you can get through a day productively and unassisted, there's not much more anyone can do for you.

The meds seem to help a bit, in a specific area. I'm certainly worse if I forget them. Whats perhaps helped a lot though is the ongoing developing understanding of who I am, and both indulging it a little ie if it feels right do it, don't think it's weird, and understanding when you're in situations that are specifically not ideal for you, and not trying to struggle through. This can be seemingly banal things, for example I'm discussing something technical and someone else starts making a loud noise eg drilling, most NTs just continue the conversation SHOUTING REALLY LOUDLY but I literally cant think clearly, my brain just f***s off, so I just say "let's go to another room" which is allways readily thought of as a great idea. But it's the embracing of that I'm different that enables this.

As for being broken etc, I'd long since come to the conclusion there was something socially not right with me; "this" thing if anything legitimises and makes it easier to come to terms, and that probably makes me less on-edge and better able to handle social interactions, I think.

Yes I felt quite negative about it for some time (received the diagnosis over a year ago, I'm 50yo now). My mindset slowly adapted away from I must improve my social skills to a mindset more of acceptance. Get some books, read about autism, and embrace the autistic/neurodivergent community whether online, social media, or in real life meetups. I mostly follow social media, and attempt to participate on forums. Its taking time for me to adjust, trawling through past experiences and seeing them through a different lens, trying to better understand masking, what and when I've been doing it, and trying different behaviours as an alternative and seeing how I feel about that instead.

Yes, the realisation gives you a different perspective on your past life doesn't it.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to the Planet, hope you find some good forums or threads to read or? particpate in.
Sorry to hear of your Hydrocephalus diagnosis.

I self diagnosed in my late forties and progressed to formal diagnosis a few years later.
It’s been twenty years since, and I can’t say my social skills have improved much despite constant effort.
Of course, I’ve retired since then, but essentially I’ve given up.
As far as I can see, the human race has failed the challenge of establishing civilisation and environmental destruction will change things radically. I’m insulin dependent so surviving societal collapse isn’t an option.

Make the best of it, is my advice.

I devote my time to being useful, within my limits, and making a pair of cats happy.

I can socialize in the right situations.
Normal people will often accommodate those of us on the spectrum when we are in are element.

I am an expert flower gardener. My yard is filled with specimen plants, any one of which would be the highlight of a normal person's garden. I have big florishing plants that normal people kill. They love it when I share my knowledge of ways to simplify gardening to the essentials. How else would I be able to take care of so many plants?

I find it easy to socialize on the golf course as well. I may talk too much but that seems to help other people play better! You wouldn't believe what some golfers would do to play better! There is also the art of playing just a little better than your playing partners in a friendly competition.