Berating myself for not prioritising dating over other stuff

Post Reply New Topic

I'm having one of those days again where because another year is passing, I'm still not prioritising meeting and going out with someone over other stuff. I always seem to go off and do my own things and doing hobbies at home on my days off work and not always going out to places where chances of meeting someone are more likely and then end up feeling as though "everyone has been taken" and chances of dating in someone in their early 30s/late 20s is slipping away because the likelihood of people in that age group getting into long term relationships, marrying and having kids is becoming more likely and feeling "left behind". Despite having these thoughts I'm not really acting on them and I carry on doing as I've done before and then cycle repeats itself again.

You should focus on doing what you want to do instead of worrying about missing out. The grass is always greener on the other side as the expression goes. If you were going out trying to meet people to have a potential relationship you would probably be exhausted, stressed, & frustrated.

It did not work for me. I have been single for years until 2018, when I did meet someone.

My experience is that nothing will happen if I don't do anything. But nothing will happen, too, when I am obsessed with dating, relationships. It didn't work for me, for years.

I know there is some kind of coaching that could help people with ASD, but as with many things, people only helped me, when it is in their advantage. Otherwise they won't help, psychologists included.

In short: some people have luck with dating, also at young age. The others are out of luck. They can't control it, although people say it can be controlled.

There are many things you can control. You can have the responsibility to do some things. You can take care of yourself, work on your health, learn social skills. But finding someone for a relationship can't be controlled.

Day program IS the solution!! !

That is where I found my partner and where most people with disabilities will find their partners!

Just before I met my partner in 2014, I started the year off really depressed because all my cousins had boy/girlfriends even if they were younger than me, and I felt like I was being left behind. I also felt lonely and like my life wasn't going anywhere.

Then one day, around the spring of 2014, I decided not to let myself be too bothered about not having a boyfriend and to just get on with each day without pining for a boyfriend too much. Then, when I least expected it, I met the love of my life in the summer of 2014, and we've been together since. So it seemed to happen just like that without me needing to put myself out of my comfort zone to meet that special person. I just met him on the bus I got regularly, as he was a bus-driver then.

I think that was the best day of my whole life.

No, I'm not bragging or rubbing it in, I'm just saying how it was, that obsessing about being single is just as mentally draining for you as going out of your comfort zone in search for that special person, when usually these things happen to you when you're least expecting it.

I found someone who I think is on the spectrum. She complained she had nothing to do in the couple months during the off season from work so I talked to her about stuff she could do. We are talking about logistics now. Who does the driving and what sort of places we'd like to go to. Very much like Sheldon and Amy on the Big Bang Theory in which we get to know each other very slowly.

When I say comfort zone, some autistic people put themselves through places like rowdy nightclubs thinking that they're going to find their life partner there. But places like that are the worst places to find someone unless you're a really extroverted NT who knows how to socially navigate your way and have that charisma. But even not every NT has that gift, and when you're a socially awkward Aspie or someone with social anxiety (Aspie or not) or whatever then a nightclub or bar isn't the right place.