I have maternal empathy for men but none for women

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I’m 20F and I think I have some kind of empathy disorder. When I see men or boys, my mind immediately goes “aww baby, what a cutie, so adorable” with this protective maternal feeling. But when I see women or girls, my mind just goes silent. Not critical, just empty and uncomfortable.
This extends to everything. I only feel engaged with content featuring men. Anything focusing on women makes me feel disconnected or disgusted. I can’t relate to women’s perspectives at all.
I have unconditional empathy for men. If I see men being hurt, I feel genuinely heartbroken and can’t watch. I always felt my true nature only accepted and cherished by men.

But if I see women being mistreated, I feel nothing or sometimes even satisfaction. I actively choose content where victims are women because I know I won’t feel bad. I know that’s f****d up.
I understand intellectually that women suffer forced marriages, violence, etc. I recognize it’s wrong because I wouldn’t want it to happen to me. But that’s just cognitive empathy. I don’t actually feel anything for them emotionally.
With men, even when they insult me, I just feel sad for them, never angry. Exception is gay/feminine men, I can’t connect with them either. They confuse me.
I can only connect with specific women, deep, introspective types who appreciate both my confident and awkward sides, and who I can see myself in or who treat me maternally.

I literally have the impression to see girls from a guy's view but without the attractive side.

Last night I dreamed I was walking with my mother, passed two girls, one tried to pickpocket us, and I bite her arm in rage but her skin felt like plastic.
I’ve heard about “pick me” girls and autistic empathy patterns. And I have autistic traits but I'm too "well masked" to be diagnosed yet and my parents refuse to put me on therapy.
And if you ask me why I post here, I tried on Quora and Reddit multiple times but the girl mods kept removing it for being "sexist" even though I tried several times to censure it at the max. So I discuss it here.

I can relate to that partially, it's not that extreme as in yer case (i.e. victim / abuser sex doesn't bias my perception of situation) and as a male I favour girls instead.
I think it's because entire childhood I was accompanied by male peers nearly exclusively (+ The only acquaintances I got are all men and so I'm just plain bored with 'em), and I generally find girls just "safer" to be with, that means friendlier in overall and less prone to impulse-driven aggression & destruction. In primary school I used to stay near girls together with my colleague, as "boy" part of class was chaotic and often dangerous. I guess sexual drive might contribute here a bit as well.

Were you abused by women?

Last edited by Hetzer on 02 Sep 2025, 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah it could be trauma related

But I'm no expert

I don’t think what you’ve described automatically means you have an “empathy disorder.” From what you’ve written, it sounds like your empathy is very strong but also very selective — it comes out powerfully toward men, but feels absent or even inverted when it comes to women. That doesn’t make you broken, it just means your empathy isn’t wired in the “average” way.

A few thoughts:

Selective empathy is common. Many people (especially those with autistic traits) report experiencing empathy strongly in one context but not others. It doesn’t mean you don’t care at all — it just means your brain prioritizes certain emotional signals over others.

Why men and not women? Sometimes we connect most with groups we unconsciously identify with. If you see yourself more in men, it makes sense that your empathy flows that way. Past experiences with women, or feeling alienated from how women are usually portrayed, can also dampen your emotional connection.

Cognitive vs emotional empathy. You already understand that women’s suffering is real and wrong — that’s cognitive empathy. The emotional side isn’t lining up yet, but awareness is the first step.

Your discomfort matters. The fact you’re disturbed by your lack of empathy for women shows you’re reflective and not indifferent. A lot of people never question their blind spots.

What to do with this. Forcing empathy usually doesn’t work, but you can gently expand it by engaging with stories of women you already respect or feel a spark of connection with (you mentioned deep, introspective types). That can build bridges over time.

I wouldn’t label you as a bad person or disordered for this. You clearly can feel deep compassion — it just happens to be directed differently than most people expect. That might be tied to autism traits, identity, or personal experiences, but it doesn’t erase the fact that you’re capable of strong empathy.

@Hetzer (I don't know how to reply) but yes I had a complicate relationship with my mother. I remember feeling lonely and powerless everytime bcs of her. Like she complained that I was was useless and never helped with chores and that I was shy with no confidence.
Everytime I tried to help like I vacuumed. She vacuumed behind me and it was humiliating bcs I felt my actions were useless. So I didn't help but everytime she harassed me bcs of it. One time I cried to her, I told her: "I'm sorry not being your ideal girl, I would have love if you had another girl other than me, in never enough for you." bcs I crave her validation I saw her as my Goddess. And she just side-eyed me.
One time I wanted to hug and she skipped it she went off the car and my grandma laughed and said: "she doesn't love you."
My father was absent working I never craved him actually. He was non-existent and he hugged me but I didn't care about his hugs.

But actually a lot of girls with bad relationship with their mom can feel better with girls than boys so I don't know.

But yeah I don't feel anything for girls since what iv felt before for my mom. I feel for my own mom now as she is a stranger. I get mad at her because if a stranger did that to me I ll be mad. I lost also girl's attachment

@Sable Noctis

Yes you're right. Actually I have a very strong selective empathy. And I really identify to men. I only have funny TikTok's on my foryou page where in majority only men comment. I have their humour. I grew up watching the same YouTubers as men. The only major thing in common that I don't have is gaming unfortunately.

Well... I don't know what to say. Other than being very sorry for you.
Some people really don't get a clue the other person is also a sentient being

It's hard to feel affection to someone who basically doesn't exist in your life


I think that's in general, like men should seek help from other men. But I don't feel like that either

Generally I second what Sable Noctis wrote.



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its very hard for me to tick your Poll because I'm not a therapist and have no idea really your life story only the Snip you have had here. I can sympathize truly having been through Similar but for me i find more comfort around women, but again I have no context how your life. So I hope you find someway around things.

I don't know, but it reminds me of how I get more upset about seeing a dead animal than I would a dead human (unless the dead human is a loved one of course).

@Hetzer

Sorry I still don't know how to replay -.-

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Eum. I'm trying if it works

That's how I feel about animals but not humans. I'll see cute baby animals and my cold black heart melts into a puddle. And their mothers look so beautiful and gentle when caring for them. I might even cry tears like some people do when they see something really beautiful or fall in love. But I'll see a human baby and be like meh. Some babies are cute, when they're at the age where they no longer look like an angry raisin, and aren't screaming or soiling themselves, but that's it.

I've seen videos of large dogs being all gentle and patient with baby kittens, and I wonder if dogs and cats can get along, why can't humans? After all, we're the most intelligent animals in the world???

For years I've related better to men than most women, though. Sometimes I have to remember not to sound like I'm one of those "not like other girls". Especially since, as much as I hate to say it, I'm a woman, not a girl. But virtually everyone is a misogynist, including women, whether they admit it or not.

I think I understand the point you’re making — that because society is sexist, everyone absorbs at least some of that conditioning, even women themselves. That’s usually called internalized bias or internalized misogyny.

But I think it’s worth being precise with language here. Misogyny in its strict sense means active dislike or hatred of women, and not everyone falls into that category. Many people (myself included) genuinely value and prefer women in our lives.

What’s true, though, is that everyone is shaped by cultural messages, and some of those messages are harmful to women. Recognizing that doesn’t mean everyone “is a misogynist” — it just means we all have blind spots and social conditioning to work through.

So I’d put it this way: not everyone is misogynist, but everyone is affected by sexism. That’s something we can agree on without painting all people with the same brush. For me its I find more comfort with women. but I have a definitive reason for disliking men.

I can have empathy for a person one minute and then they do something that proves to me they're not worth my time so I just come away but it doesn't mean I don't have empathy for them, it just means I can't be bothered with them

I don't think I'm being selective. I just think that's normal

I actually don't usually admit to having empathy because I don't like the word and I don't like the way people use it to make themselves feel superior to other people who struggle with it

I prefer "compassion"

I have been told I have compassion so that'll do for me