Do any of you not know what to say with strangers

Post Reply New Topic

If I go in a group I don't know what to say to people I don't know at all. I was actually in an online group of autistic adults briefly and as I just said I didn't know what to say to people and I couldn't keep track of the people in the group. There were different people every time and I didn't learn their names and they talked about mental health. Not exactly my version of a good time.

I tend to not know what to say to people I know & it's even worse with strangers. I'm usually much more of a listener than a talker. I get names comfused too.

I go shy around strangers. That's when the metaphorical mask comes out.

I'm not saying it: I'm disappearing forever.

I have difficulty interacting, so I don't even know how to end a conversation.

On the Internet, I usually get overloaded with presences.

And I almost always leave and never come back.

A friend helped me here, and it's for him that I came back.

But I don't know how he is anymore; he was sick.

He helped me come back because I couldn't think straight anymore.

Now I'll wait a little longer.

Then I think I won't be here anymore.

The reason I came back was just to see how he was.

He had a major stroke.

I'm worried about him.

I can talk to anybody. Even people I hate or feel uncomfortable with. Strangers are better really. I don't already hate them, and don't care at all what they think of me as I'll never see them again. I tend to have very good times when I chat with people sitting on a bus or airplane beside me. We never ask for each other's names because we didn't want to know.

Friends and family members are harder. They expect you to know them well and say the right things. Emotional people are particularly hard to talk to. They have feelings and high social needs that I feel helpless to fulfill. Once you said something wrong everything else you say (even the weather or the news) would hurt their feelings more. I just have to admit that I don't get them. I'd rather be doing just about anything than listening to people's feelings, and resisting the urge to offer them solutions to their problems (they don't care and just want to complain).

My general rule is to avoid talking to people I don't know. My conversations don't go that well even with people I do know. I'm kind of wound up all the time, especially lately. I'm really emotional about everything. I have a general feeling of discomfort all the time. How are you supposed to make small talk in that condition?

I don't like talking to strangers and I find it hard to say hello to them. When they talk I don't really know how to respond to them.

I am neurotypical, but I am lately becoming aware that I am not actually as "typical" as I thought.

When I see a group of strangers, I assess them quickly for what they are projecting and what they really seem to be up to on the inside. I'll do this as I'm walking up to them before I pass them or stand or sit around them. I can tell from their faces, tones of voice, body language, what they are saying and what words they choose to say it. If I am sitting or standing near them, I choose a place where I can see all of them and no one is behind me.

If there is someone I think may be a problem, I purposefully make eye contact with that person and smile. I may talk to them and reference something personal about them ("Hello Joe. What is your favorite class so far?"). I literally did this this morning to a kid who sometimes gives my kid trouble. I wanted that kid to know that I remembered him and had my eye on him. When I do this to people it seems to bother them and I don't have any more trouble from them.

This is so different from what you guys say.

Now I'm older, and have less fear of people, it depends on the context. In a shop, if the checkout person starts a conversation, then I can chat along for a limited time, but will have limited patience, and will not be hanging around to chat.
Generally I need to identify commonality between a stranger and myself, and that rarely is possible when in many cases, the person appears to me like a plain unadorned hardback book cover.
I went to an event for people who share a particular set of skills and interests a few years ago. However, I'm not skilled at it, so despite having this interest in common I felt like I wasn't worthy of being there, and wasn't able to approach anyone to start a chat. I left the event for a walk feeling tearful. As it was a long drive I returned and stayed for a short while, but still had only the most limited monosyllabic conversation with one or two people, mostly avoiding everyone.
When out for a walk in the middle of the countryside, it's customary to say hello, so I do, but usually continue walking.
Things like job interviews are very awkward.