Feeling the Urge to Find Love

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As a 40 year old rookie in the love field, I am experiencing a number of complex feelings right now.
I'm struggling to understand why I am suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to find love.
Is it because I have been deprived my whole life and now I'm realizing that it's almost too late? In the past, I never gave the idea of joining a dating app even a first thought, it was not for me! I am not social in the least so I don't feel like traditional dating will work out for me. But, out of desperation, I opened some accounts, including Tinder.

I did this because it's more natural for me. I grew up online, addicted to the internet. When I go out in public today, to do grocery shopping or whatever, I always just walk by while going unnoticed. Never making any attempts to strike up a conversation because it's absolutely frightening to me. Not even with a cashier I might like. What if I say something wrong? Will they judge me after our conversation? Do they think I look creepy? AHH! MENTAL TORTURE! I always end up in the same spot, alone where I am right now.

So, back to the dating apps. What a surprise, they're not working!

Tinder: I got 1 match but cannot see who it is because I refuse to pay for anything
Bumble: Figured this would be okay, it encourages women to message first. Well, no women are even liking me
Hinge: Nothing at all

I'm quickly losing hope. I am not saying I am suicidal because I never follow through on any thoughts but I am scared of this experience ending negatively and causing extreme feelings of worthlessness, which I am vulnerable to. I have had opportunities in the past to gain experience but I failed every time and still reflect on those moments today. I was a LOT more naive and stupid back then.

So, what is a guy like me supposed to do? I fear being completely alone in the future if I can't find a partner. I can't function in social circles, I have a hard time opening up to support groups and I am failing to attract attention in these apps. Why are some men just so deathly afraid of even talking to a woman?

Have you considered using a professional matchmaking service which would eliminate the need to be the first one to converse with women?

No. Can you tell me more? But, one thing I am is cheap so costly options aren't on the table for me at this time.

Sure

You don't have to go with an expensive professional matchmaking service if you know someone who can set you up with a potential partner

Do you go to a Day Program?

I just go to therapy right now.

Another bad app down the drain too. Hiki. The big issue was that I only got a few profiles in my area.

Trying Facebook groups now but I have little hope that will work out.

I knew finding a date would be like finding a needle in a mile-long haystack. I just don't want to give up trying to find it...

^the therapist should be able to help you get to the point of dating @SilentBob84

After all, back when I was single my neighbor Anita recommended that I consult a therapist in order to get my love life moving forward...

About 5 days in and I still cannot make any connections at all. Even on Facebook :\
This is where the feelings of hopelessness really start flooding the mind.

I've just given up. At 46 with no success or even options for trying anything, it just seems pointless.

My NT cousin is 28 now and has never had a relationship with anyone in his life. We sometimes wonder if he might be secretly gay but may be scared to come out in case his father will shame him, as he's sadly a bit homophobic. Or maybe he's just asexual. I don't know. Nobody knows really. He just says he doesn't want a relationship and leaves it at that.

I'm sorry to hear this. Maybe, by chance, someone will notice you one day. You never know, that happened to me before!

As for me, I had therapy today. It felt good opening up about my struggles and I still want to put myself out there and see what happens. But, I might approach it more like I'm just looking for a friend for now. Get myself used to chatting more with people, even women.

If that works for you, that's great. For me, unfortunately, I need to be able to interact repeatedly with people to learn if they're someone I want to chat with and get to know more. That's pretty much impossible.

tbh, I feel the same, and the thought of that throws that brick walls up around me

Well, I woke up this morning as i feared i would... Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and loneliness.
Feeling cursed because my brain because focused on even making a friend to talk to and I'm failing.

I guess it's fitting it's October since I feel like a ghost right now.

I know the feeling.

I've pretty much determined that the only option for me would be for a single woman to be driving by in front of my house on a Sunday or Monday and suddenly get a flat tire. After calling her various contacts to see about getting help from someone she knows and not finding success, she sees me in my living room through my front window and decides to take the risk and come to my door to see if I can help. Being the nice guy that I am, I would do my best to help and while going through the process, we find ourselves talking a little deeper than small talk.

Maybe there's hope
I dressed up a little in fall clothing and went out to the park this afternoon. Found a nice rocking bench to sit alone. In the first minute, FIRST MINUTE, a woman said hi to me. I say hi back, she goes on her way. Nothing else happened but that one greeting was more than I'd ever get.
Little things to boost the self esteem helps.

That's AMAZING news!! !

Progress...