I'm not blowing my own trumpet or anything but

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How the hell have I managed to keep up a good attendance at work, despite going through so much in these past 8 years; the pandemic, my mother dying from cancer, then all the bullying I faced at work, plus living under noisy neighbours which is an ongoing sensory nightmare for me in my own home. I mean I know I can sometimes go into work and lack motivation and need to be pushed a little to focus or do more, I'm still a good worker, great to work with, and always turn up on time and hardly have any time off. That's why I get sensitive whenever I'm yelled at or criticised, because I think I have been through a lot, and with my high anxiety and on/off depression, I think I do pretty well. In fact I think most people, NT or not, would give up after going through what I have been through. And I don't even mask that much. Not these days anyway. I might go a little shy when around unfamiliar people but that's about it.

Maybe it's because I'm always openly expressing my feelings. I don't think I'm that strong though, I mean I'm agoraphobic and also let silly things get to me, and I panic or crumble when some stranger online criticises me in a Facebook post or something.

Incase Nobody else tells you, You did well to get through what you have ........ .
And your still going

Maybe be careful where you seek or feel validation from,? Cause in the End . The only person that you will really need to be satisfied with is Yourself.Now or in the End. just a thought offering.

Aw thanks. Yeah it's very unusual for me to actually say anything positive about myself so I feel I should.

It's a decent habit to cultivate on a pinch. If it goes well, it'll lead into something good.

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There's nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back

There's no shame in that at all

Thanks. It's just the worst thing to be told as a person of low self-esteem and self-loathing when they're saying something they done that they're proud of only to be told they're bragging. That happened to me before, on another forum. But usually I'm very renowned for putting myself down, because I've always struggled with self-loathing issues, as some of you may already know. But when I've looked at what I've been through these past 8 or 9 years, I'm kinda surprised at myself.

I wonder if the more you start to recognise your own accomplishments, the less you will start to loathe yourself

Perhaps focusing on work is your way of distracting yourself. I worked a lot of overtime when I was employed & management allowed me to; like working 9 & a half hour days not counting hour lunch 6 days a week. I was dealing with a bad depression & feeling very lonely & majorly hated being single. Plus I was still living with my parents & me & my mom had major problems getting along sometimes & mom resented me still living at home as an adult. I guess I saw working as a way of trying to improve my situation & a mental escape.

I should add that do I think it's good to feel a sense of pride & accomplishment if you also realize that your not perfect & do not try to one-up anyone & make them feel bad. I def relate to feeling self-loathing in the past but these days I tend to be a bit(or a lot) critical of suciety & people in general including myself.

I hate other people blowing my trumpet

I'd much rather blow it myself and in my own way

I don't actually think I blow it that loud to be fair but I am a bit of an exhibitionist so I know that I do come off as a bit of a show off

Bite me

Its probably not heathly to allow others opinion on things about youself,stay in your head " Rent free" .Am going to offer,something here , I had discovered when very young. : Allow me to give an idea of where this saying came from. When you are able to see items as individual items . Apart from any other thing . "Without the ability to compare anything else like it . "It is a perfect individual thing ." Silly but simply .. And each one of us are individuals .
Take , whatever you want from this idea, Especially ,if it can help you be that individual thing.
( This doesn't necessarily seem to always be the case,when Learning things from people or Experiences . and even then you are still the individual you are ). imho.
" Everthing is Perfect,compared only to itself " Just a thought offering.

You have managed it all because you are a lot tougher then you think you are. The little things getting to you is in part the autism. We can hyperfocus on important things but silly things also.

What confuses a lot of people is the combination of trigger and tipping point. A physical example is a tree that withstands bad storm after bad storm. Then one day a relatively minor gust of wind knocks it over. That minor gust of wind was the tipping point. Humans and our emotions are like that also. Silly little triggers are tipping points that get to us.

I don't think I'm going to suddenly shut down. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown last Christmas because of all the bullying I faced at work and due to RSD I can't cope with bullying as to me it is like the sky is falling in and I become frustrated and angry.

When I'm triggered I just act straight away - yell, slam doors, cry, then once comforted and reassured I am back to my usual self again.

I don't feel that tough though. I mean many people with things like autism or Emetophobia successfully go on to have babies while I wimp out because I can't face the pain and sickness that comes with pregnancy (and the sickness that comes from children and their weak immune systems). I feel that is weak of me.