Hello.

Post Reply New Topic

Hello all.

My name's Robert and I hope you'll forgive me for what might be quite a lengthy first post.

First, I'm 56 and live in the U of K. I'm happily married with two grown up sons. So far so normal, eh?

I've never, until probably only the last few years, been truly happy as me. That classic sense of not fitting in - being different - that so many of you seem to share. Thanks to some excellent therapists, I now know that I was depressed pretty much as far back as I can remember - which isn't all that far. My family has very working class roots but a powerful social climbing streak. My parents were the first in their families to go to university. There they choose to loose their regional accents in favour of something more BBC. There my father became, or perhaps embedded, a strong sense of intellectual elitism into his character. That was, naturally, fed to his children in their turn.

Which is all well and good until, aged ten or so, you're diagnosed with dyslexia and spend the next forty years trying to live up to that academic snobbery when you simply cannot. Sorry, I'm sounding bitter aren't I?

The irony is that one of my very few childhood memories is of the journey home from those tests. I recall asking my parents what the man had meant when he said I was autistic. Autistic? They replied. He said artistic.

Of course my parents must have been right so I discounted my memory. For then anyway.

I spent much of my adult life blaming my struggles on dyslexia and then depression and anxiety. More recently, a therapist introduced me to the possibility of complex PTSD being behind my condition and that model made so much sense of many things. That, combined with other work, led me to discover that I could be truly happy. I clearly remember the occasion on which I was first aware of being genuinely joyful - I was 54.

But the autism "thing" is still there. I've read a lot and am fairly convinced that I'm autistic although I've no formal diagnosis. It explains so much of me and my lived experience from growing up the perpetual outcast to gagging on my mother's perfume in the car. I find loud noises physically uncomfortable. I have a house full of forgotten hobbies. I overthink everything and try to second guess what everyone else thinks. After 30 years of marriage I still fail to spot when my wife is winding me up and get triggered by it.
In the last year I have allowed myself to lean into the idea of being autistic. Wearing earplugs to the supermarket. Explaining that I'm not comfortable with plan changes. Asking people not to wear scented products. Etc. and I feel happier about it all.
So, sorry again for the long introduction. I've read a lot of posts on here. Some of it I don't get. Much of it I do.

I'm looking forward to exploring this new planet you're all building.

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here.

I can't help you with a formal assessment but there are places where you can get an informal assessment. No assessment is required to be on WP, however. You can even know for certain that you are not Autistic and still be welcome here...all that is required is a polite interest in the topic.

^{Activate silly mode: "Artistic"?! Is that why we got our own spectrum!?}

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet Wobt...hope you find lots of interesting things here to further your journey of Self Discovery.
Yes ,,yes many Autistic people are Artistic ... .... .... Pardon my streak of cynicism but aren't some parents the best ....You have successfully come along ways in your life ..A genuine Congradulations,possibly maybe in order.

Welcome to WPea