Low emotional intelligence?

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On Reddit, someone didn't think I have high emotional intelligence due to me overreacting towards a situation. At first, I took their comment personally, (ironic) but then I've realized maybe I do have a problem.

I am curious are there any members on here who have low emotional intelligence? Are there other folks who used to have it but then improved themselves?

I'll wear it.
But I've been aware of its effects and deliberately compensating most of my life.
Isn't it Masking 101 ?

I can have difficulty regulating emotions once triggered (temperamental maybe?) but at the same time I consider myself "emotionally bright" because of the way I can understand my own and other people's emotions very well, in most contexts (obviously I'm not perfect and I'm not going to go around boastfully calling myself an empathetic saint but I still think I have quite high emotional intelligence in many ways). I can also express my feelings easily, which can be a problem as I find it hard NOT to express my feelings.

Do we consider the "intelligence" part to mean the scope of emotional sensory input available for processing or the awareness of just what is available and the ability to extrapolate it?

11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence


Without knowing all the variables it really would be impossible for me, you, or some reddit goofball to diagnose if you have a low emotional intelligence. You say that was in response to a situation, rather than conversation or discussion, which makes me think that you have at least a somewhat deep cognitive/emotional connection to the subject. Sometimes things that seem innocent or minor to others that involve these emotionally connected subjects can trigger a reaction/response that seems like an under or overreaction.

As for your questions, yes I have accused by others to suffer from a low emotional intelligence. I don't agree with them but can recognize how they might assume that. I have had to learn to make peace with my past and pay more attention to my thoughts and emotions. I have learned to be patient, and how to walk away when that patience is fading. It is possible for all of us to learn and grow, although I can honestly say it usually isn't very easy.

I do get stressed easily, though I'm sometimes renowned for remaining calm in real stressful situations yet becoming stressed about other things. I think it's because in more real stressful situations I can let others do the stressing for me so it makes the situation easier to work through when you've got people feeling exactly the same way you are. Like teamwork.


I can do if I feel it might backfire. Also I hate getting into arguments with people.


No, my emotional vocabulary is normal.


Usually I can't make assumptions unless I can recognise a pattern in a social situation. Otherwise I take people as I find them and try to like everyone I meet by default until denied otherwise (in other words, if someone turns out to be an a**hole, though misjudgement of character can happen sometimes).


This depends. If someone has made my life a misery before then I won't forgive them unless they're willing to move on and get along with me, either verbally or non-verbally. I don't expect an apology, but a bit of mutual respect can go a long way for me. So I try not to hold grudges against people if I can help it.


I can forgive someone if they admit they made a mistake, but I can't always forgive myself for making a mistake, mostly if my mistake has caused unnecessary drama with other people, like turning resentful and bullyish towards me just because of an act of stupidity on my part.


Sometimes, depends on the person and what situation. Not everyone can understand everything.


Oh I know my triggers all right.


Not getting angry is a sign of low emotional intelligence? Okay, well, while I'm not really an angry person, anxiety or depression can make me act aggressively (not violently) at some triggers, plus I have RSD so that doesn't help. But I don't consider myself a person with anger issues or anything.


This can depend greatly on the person and what sort of relationship I have with them.


This is a complex one. I have certain triggers, though I know how to react accordingly to them. I don't expect everyone to know what my triggers are of course, so if they say a "forbidden word" to me without any poor intentions then I'm not going to react angrily.
I can be sensitive to criticism or emotional gaslighting, but I'm still not really the sort you have to walk on eggshells around, as I'm always open to discussion on a situation and if I'm not being slagged down or criticised publicly then I'm okay really, you can say anything to me. I can be sensitive, but not the "everyone's got to walk on eggshells around me" type of sensitive. It's difficult to explain.

If someone is considered a friend but had a disagreement with me one day, that is not going to make me hate them. In fact it'll just wash over me. But if disagreements keep happening with that person and they've frequently become rude or asshole-ish towards me then obviously the friendship is going to wane, as I have lost some of my trust in that person.

So my emotional intelligence is not "black or white". There are a lot of grey areas.

Hm, that is a good question. I will admit I am still trying to grasp the meaning of this concept. I do know it has something to do with managing emotions and listening to others while having an open mind. That is my own interpretation of the definition.

For context, I vented on r/CPTSD about being triggered over an online bully who mocked my criticism of someone who used mental illness as an insult. That wasn't the sole reason why I was depressed but the situation was a factor in it.

On my Reddit post I received the aforementioned unsolicited advice and at first, I wasn't too keen about the message the goofball was trying to give. They labeled my mental health as playing to be a victim.

Looking back, I think I overreacted toward the bully's insult. I will admit I tend to jump the gun easily and don't have thick skin. But I still think that so-called advice by the goofball wasn't helpful at all. I didn't even ask for it in the first place.