I seem to visualise being unhappy even with a child

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I know I've spoken numerous times about being still single and I know I have my down moments about it and seem to find it sometimes hard to enjoy single life but having seen how my sister goes through with her son and her partner not always being there and going out with his mates like he was still single. I'm worried if that happened to me, I'd be a bit like him and struggling to come to terms of being a father. I'm worried I'm being selfish.

Perhaps that is your subconscious saying "Parenting is NOT for me!! !"?

That would mean being a dad wouldn't be the best choice for your life @chris1989

It isn't for everyone and even I am still struggling with ambivalance related to motherhood/parenting but I know once I am married, the countdown is on for producing children!

If you are still continuing to grapple with this decision and stay stuck in an ambivalant state then that is a sign that you SHOULDN'T do this!

My advice for you Chris is to purposely keep yourself imprisoned in ambivalance

Why?

Because until something forces change or forces you to make a choice you CANNOT logically & rationally make a consequential life-altering decision from an ambivalant mind-set!! !

For example, if you are in a romantic relationship and your girlfriend or wife uses pregnancy as a threat you would have to make the choice of supporting her efforts or abandoning the parenting goal altogether so in that scenario if you want to keep your partner you would only have ONE choice

We need to remain undecided until something changes the outcome



EDIT: For me in the case of having children and becoming a mother the following 1 of 2 conditions must be met first:

Condition #1- I am successfully convinced by David to enter motherhood, similar to how my neighbor Anita was convinced by her husband Phil into having kids

Condition#2- I make the decision on my own without external influence

(a.k.a the desire overriding default programming)

It's good that you realize being a parent might not be a good choice for you Chris. If you had kids & were neglecting your parenting responsibilities, depending on various circumstances that might could be seen as selfish. However since you currently do not any kids & are not actively planning on having them, there is no need to worry about that right now. Worrying about the possibility of being a dad while your still single & not actively seeking a relationship is you putting the cart before the horse so to speak. If you were seeking a relationship it would probably be good to rule out women who already have kids. If you get in a relationship & she brings up the topic of possibly having kids or says she wants kids, that would be a good time to mention your concerns about having kids.

I'll add that some women are more traditional & want to be full time moms & housewifes while their husbands go to work. Those types of women might be more OK with their husband being less involved with the kid raising but of coarse that would also be dependent on your financial situation & these days lots of households need both parents to work full time jobs.

^the only way to know for sure if you TRULY want children is to get first-hand experience with them as a baby-sitter so you will know exactly what parents deal with 24/7!! !

I haven't done that yet so it's really no wonder why I am still ambivalant about motherhood...

This is most likely how a lot of my friends made the choice to become moms and doing this will help pull you out of ambivalance state and push you towards a decision!

That's what I mean by "remaining undecided until something changes the outcome"

Chris you need to realize that parenting is a full-time job & project that you will basically choose to take on for life (or once your kids turn 18) and you CANNOT undo your children once you have them

If you decide to do this, the first step is to find a woman who is willing to have kids and who you are willing to impregnate

But before that, get baby-sitting experience first!

Good luck!! !! !!