Want a Relationship but Feel So Unrelatable

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Since my early teens, I've desired nothing more than to experience my first relationship. Unfortunately, poor social skills and difficulties with social cues, a complete lack of relationship role-models and people to turn to for dating advice, and crippling self-doubt about my appeal to the opposite sex made it so that even when I had dating opportunities, I was either oblivious to them in the moment, only to later realise what I'd missed in hindsight, or I simply didn't know how to proceed with them, and I ran out of time to figure it out.

The appeal of a romantic relationship for me is probably similar to what it is for most people who want a relationship. I want to experience physical intimacy and emotional intimacy in the context of mutual heterosexual attraction. I also want to feel loved romantically, and love someone else the same way.

Having this desire over several years and not being able to fulfill it, especially in the context of a society where most people get to experience love much earlier, has led me to experience worsening depression, emotional numbness, and feelings of alienation from others who can't empathise with the anguish that often accompanies completely missing out on romantic love and intimacy well into adulthood (I'm 29).

I don't have much ambition or motivation to do things. I don't have much in the way of interests or hobbies that I'm interested in actively pursuing. Most of my days are spent purposelessly browsing the internet, watching a couple of Youtube videos, and consuming sugary drinks and unhealthy food. I probably have some form of anhedonia. I don't think there's a lot of potential for me to experience much pleasure or enjoyment without a romantic relationship in my life at this stage.

Conversely, I think experiencing romantic love would be incredibly emotionally envigorating for me, and would awaken me to joys, feelings and motivation that I haven't felt for a long time, or perhaps ever. I truly do believe getting to experience physical intimacy and emotional intimacy in the context of mutual heterosexual attraction would add an explosion of vibrant colours to my greyscale world.

The big problem is that I don't feel very relatable, and don't have a lot to talk about. I'm a person of depth, and I'm very logical, but I'm honestly pretty dispassionate about life and most things, and I've been increasingly that way over the several years that I've been depressed about romantic loneliness, which makes it hard to connect with people.

There are places I could go and try to meet women, but I just don't have much confidence in my ability to connect with them for reasons I've mentioned in the paragraphs above. I just feel like I'm on a different wavelength than most people, especially neurotypical women. I don't expect the vast majority of people to be able to relate with a lot of the hardships I've been through in my life, and that leaves me wondering what it is that we can relate with each other about.

I really relate to your post & situation. The reasons you want to have your first relationship is what happened to me after I stumbled into my first relationship. The only people I've ever been majorly close to, felt very comfortable with, & felt truly understood me have been the three girlfriend's I've had. None of them were NT though. First had dyslexia & ADHD & we really connected partly because I have dyslexia & ADD, & my other two girlfriends are on the autism spectrum. I met them all on online forums. I met my first on a forum for a common interest & met my other two on this forum. I've tried meeting women various other ways & used lots of dating sites & such for eight years without so much as one single date. My advice would be to think about the types of people you might could fit in with better or who might be more accepting of you & then think about ways you could possibly meet them. Basically it's about trying to niche.

I do agree that a relationship can bring joy and can even boost self-esteem. I met my partner in the summer of 2014, and I remember starting that same year off in a very depressed, lonely, angry state. I thought my life was going nowhere - I was dependent on my family (particularly my mother), I was in a job I didn't like, and I only had one or two friends and no boyfriend. I flirted around with men to keep me happy, and my mood went up and down, but mostly I was depressed.

But since I'd met my husband, I became a bit happier in myself. Sure, I still had my moments, but not as bad. It's so nice to feel loved and to have someone to love romantically. My husband felt the same - he was lonely and depressed and became much happier once he'd met me (two of his closest friends/relatives told me this).

But there is a downside (bearing in mind I am not invalidating your feelings or desires). Being single means you're free and you don't have to feel guilty about flirting or lusting after some celebrity or something to the point of obsession. I have to keep apologising to my husband because of my current infatuation I have with a (dead) man. If I were single I'd probably invest in a blow-up doll or something of him (the guy I'm deeply infatuated with) and cuddle it tight every night. Also I wouldn't feel as guilty for fancying guys at work.

But no, I think I'd rather be married. I actually met my husband unexpectedly, just when I had decided to give up on trying to find a man. I met him on the bus I got regularly, and I never thought that would happen. It's 11 years later and we're happily married now. I didn't need any nightclubs or internet to meet him. It was just about being in the right place at the right time while going about my day.

Hopefully it'll be the same for you one of these days. Never say never.

You seem fine and perfect to date to me. I do not know why you think you cannot date. I would date someone like you. If you ever want to chat I am always happy to chat.

^ Well.... knowing the OP, I don't think he is into this

I never said I would date him. I just said I would date someone just like him. If he or anyone else on here ever wants to chat I am always happy to chat.

^ In theory, if I was homosexual, I would date someone like him as well.