No idea how to date & no experience, any advice would be gre

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Joined: 18 Dec 2025
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19 Dec 2025, 12:16 am

Hello everyone I'm about to be 40 years old I have no idea how to date I like social skill can't work unemployed no education whatsoever can't drive and I can't hold the knowledge when trying to get an education I have nothing to offer except for myself I've been rejected on every single dating site and the only individuals that are in areas where I can go in person or twice my age which I am not interested in and for for reasons I don't understand I got banned by match group and I am not allowed to use any dating site owned by them.

I'm about to be 40 and my ultimate Fantasy has always been to have a girlfriend and that's still stands

I love camping I love fishing I love being outdoors I love boating I love hiking cosplaying Renaissance festival video games movies I'm a nerd I'm hyper friendly and I try to put other people first.

Is there any advice you can give me would be nice and a greatly appreciated

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Dec 2025, 4:47 pm

You have to find someone exactly like yourself, no social skills, no education, no employment....

If that doesn't work, then just give up and enjoy the rest of your life.

SynthWaveDreams
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19 Dec 2025, 6:11 pm

I have to find somebody exactly like myself or just give up? What in God's name kind of advice is that that's like the worst advice you could ever give somebody

SynthWaveDreams
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19 Dec 2025, 6:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You have to find someone exactly like yourself, no social skills, no education, no employment....

That's literally the worst advice you could ever give somebody, you might as well just tell somebody it's hopeless and that they should end their life

The Grand Inquisitor
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19 Dec 2025, 9:50 pm

SynthWaveDreams wrote:

I have to find somebody exactly like myself or just give up? What in God's name kind of advice is that that's like the worst advice you could ever give somebody

The reason for that advice is that women who are employed, educated, have social skills and are doing materially well for themselves have access to prospective partners who have those things going for them as well, so they're unlikely to consider someone who has "nothing to offer except themselves" as a viable dating option.

Most women don't want a stay-at-home boyfriend who can't contribute to the household income. Most women don't want a boyfriend with no social skills. Your position makes it very difficult for you to find a woman around your age who will accept where you're at. You're more likely to find acceptance from a woman in a similar position to yourself.

Mikurotoro92
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19 Dec 2025, 10:01 pm

^yep you must have compatibility with a prospective partner!! !

That's the whole point of dating, to determine and discern if you are both compatible with each other

You CANNOT just immediately jump to the next step of marriage without completing the pre-requisite phases first!

I mean, would you ever want to skip a tutorial in a video game?

Or skip a major step in a recipe?

Of course not because you would be overlooking vital info about how to play the game or cook the recipe!

Same principles apply here

However, dating for marriage is MUCH more consequential compared to missing a recipe step or skipping a tutorial in a video game

Meaning that you absolutely must know with 100% certainty that you truly desire and want to pursue the goal of getting married before you begin the compatibility discernment evaluation process (a.k.a dating/courting) so you can avoid making the wrong choice!! !! !!

And...determining compatibility is the first step so start from there

kuen
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20 Dec 2025, 3:44 am

SynthWaveDream wrote:

I love camping I love fishing I love being outdoors I love boating I love hiking cosplaying Renaissance festival video games movies I'm a nerd I'm hyper friendly and I try to put other people first.

It sounds like you have a lot to offer :mrgreen:

I am no pro dater, but if I were in your position, I would be trying to meet people with similar interests. If there are local groups that arrange camping trips, or if your family could go on a joint camping trip with a couple of other families, say. If you have a local autistic group, maybe going with a few of them to a Renaissance festival. Things like that.

You could also post on the eligible odd-bods board viewtopic.php?t=62. If you run into any social scenarios that confuse or trouble you, you can talk about them here.

I absolutely believe you will meet someone with whom you have good chemistry if you can get yourself out there. But I understand too how hard that can be.

All the best with it :mrgreen:

Nades
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20 Dec 2025, 4:29 pm

SynthWaveDreams wrote:

I have to find somebody exactly like myself or just give up? What in God's name kind of advice is that that's like the worst advice you could ever give somebody

It sounds pretty stupid but generally, any massive mismatch only causes problems later on.

As Grand said, women who are doing well for themselves also look for men who are doing well. This limits your options

Mikurotoro92
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20 Dec 2025, 5:11 pm

^but don't professional matchmaking services alleviate that problem?

That might truly be the best possible options for people with disabilities...

cyberdora
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20 Dec 2025, 5:56 pm

kuen wrote:

If there are local groups that arrange camping trips, or if your family could go on a joint camping trip with a couple of other families, say. If you have a local autistic group, maybe going with a few of them to a Renaissance festival. Things like that.

Realistically best advice. @OP you sound like a nice person, meeting ppl f2f > online.

My advice, when meeting a woman (and be realistic you are not in a position to be picky), on a camp or outing or cosplay festival is sell your nice personality, interests and friendly nature before talking about your personal circumstances. Genuine nice people who have lots of time on their hands are not common nowadays. If the conversation steers to career or education be positive and tell them you are a late bloomer and have dreams and aspirations and you are working toward your goals. women your age (35+) will appreciate that.

nick007
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20 Dec 2025, 11:34 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

This has been my experience & what worked for me except my current girlfriend has good social skills when out but finds it very daining. Basically she's masking. She's introverted, experiences lots of anxiety & likes having someone she can be herself with. Whereas my social skills are worse but I have less social anxiety & I try to be polite & such but I'm more aloof & detached.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2025, 2:53 pm

SynthWaveDreams wrote:

I have to find somebody exactly like myself or just give up? What in God's name kind of advice is that that's like the worst advice you could ever give somebody

It is ok, you're new here. You'll get used to my bluntness. In fact, I am trying to be extremely politically correct.

Mister, any woman you may like, probably has 100+ fans in better position than you trying to message her on her Facebook and maybe dozens of matches on Tinder with guys SHE picked; you are not competing only against guys she knows in person.

And yes, using dating apps/sites is the most common way people meet in this age. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArlY8EKc8Vw

Quote:

I love camping I love fishing I love being outdoors I love boating I love hiking cosplaying

Then join some cosplaying or hiking group?

But don't have too much hope.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 Dec 2025, 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Canadian Freedom Lover
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21 Dec 2025, 3:32 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

SynthWaveDreams wrote:

I have to find somebody exactly like myself or just give up? What in God's name kind of advice is that that's like the worst advice you could ever give somebody

Quote:

I love camping I love fishing I love being outdoors I love boating I love hiking cosplaying

Then join some cosplaying or hiking group?

But don't have too much high hopes.

Well said, I completely agree.

kuen
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21 Dec 2025, 3:37 pm

I've never met any woman who is ranking her options in this way, picking out the one with the best stats.

That women look at material circumstances first and the person second is an old staple of sexism. It's never been particularly credible on an intellectual level, in my opinion.

It's certainly not that material factors are irrelevant. Plenty of women have aspirations they can't realise without a partner who is bringing home wages. But different women look for different things. Rapport and trust will always be important.

Not every autistic person ends up working. They can still fall in love and have satisfying relationships. If dating apps are as they have been represented to be here (shallow marketplaces), they are possibly not the best places to achieve this. More niche groups or neurodivergent dating apps, maybe.

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2025, 5:42 pm

kuen wrote:

No one mentioned stats, I was talking about the bare minimum, education and social skills are not « material circumstances ».

Ok, would you give the OP a chance? Go ahead, send him a PM. Who knows, you two may click.

The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Dec 2025, 7:23 pm

kuen wrote:

What percentage of women working full-time would you estimate are willing to date a 40 year-old man who will probably never be able to work or drive, and who has impaired social skills?

My understanding is that most women don't want a perpetually dependent man to take care of, and if the OP and a working woman moved out together, it's fair to asume that the woman would have to take care of most of the bills. Are there many women out there that would really be okay with that arrangement long-term?

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