First Post: Late Self-Diagnosis, Atypical, Pattern-Recog

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Hi All – I came to this rather late (66 years old), but in a roundabout way: I lived with a partner who was clearly Asperger's in the usual way: they were a programmer, and highly linear, logical, physically awkward, brilliant, funny, out-of-social-flow, child-like, intense, not able to read the "other minds" socially, but yet perceptually and emotionally sensitive (and deeply scarred from adolescent experiences) etc. for 13+ years. (I am the one that "diagnosed" her, though she never accepted it). And after we separated in 2004, a while later I got a long-term business client (I did web design/dev for him) who was also clearly Asperger's. He was CEO of a software company.

But because I could see that I clearly was not the same – I was more flexible, could "break my own rules" and was physically coordinated, fairly adept socially when I wanted to be (usually not wanting to though, haha), I figured I was not autistic at all.

However, it slowly started to dawn on me that there was a reason I was attracted to – and they to me – these Asperger's folks. I understood them, could communicate, in a deep-ish way. And they were fascinated by my difference. Later, a client who was a highly extroverted retired computer entrepreneur (I did web design and book editing for), thought I was "a trip" how I zoomed in on details.
And, in addition, I was noticing a pattern of difficulties, frustrations in various social contexts, that fit a pattern typical of mild autism. Yet I didn't have that math / music / programming linear brilliance, so I was fooled into thinking it wasn't autism-like. I was good at the wholistic stuff: art, writing, plant recognition, "seeing" things that were good designs, "seeing" solutions to problem, inventions, having a good spiritual intuition (getting a degree in philosophy was easy), etc.
Yet I could be hyper-focused and solve pretty much any problem I put my mind to, including hard technical ones, if I was really interested. And I was intense about my passions, which were "nerdy" according to the world, and not things almost anyone around me cared about, much. Or at least, in the same *way* I did. I would really "get into things" in a way that was not normal. And everyone thinks I'm too "serious".
I've tried to be shallow, and it didn't work. And cynicism backfired.
I spent almost all my time alone, and enjoyed it, although it can get lonely, finding real, deep connection few and far between (although being of service at a botanical garden is wonderful).
I often didn't "get" what people implied in their utterances or what was going on under the surface, until weeks months, years later. And I avoid politics in all forms.
I thought, how can a "Renaissance dude" be on the spectrum? But the different way I process things, and perceive socially, and the hyper-sensitivity to everything, including sounds, is part of the giveaway.
And I definitely resonate with the "what planet am I from?" sense.

The summary conclusion I came to is that whatever this is, it is essentially a social problem, or social cognition and expression issue, in that, if I were wealthy, I would be perfectly happy, just tooling around doing all my various projects day and night, working on inventions or gardening, photography, philosophy, desert exploration, talking to occasional friends, whatever. It's only because I have to socialize in order to survive materially – exchange with the world – (or to fill the "love buckets" as John Gray put it), and as a sort of quasi-alien species almost, that it's an issue.

(By the way, I tried to get an "official" diagnosis, but the company that my doc referred me to, which is unusual for having a network of therapists/psychologists that take insurance, could not find anyone in the state of California to diagnose me, despite supposedly looking for months. But that's how the world of people is: "who cares", right?).

Does this ring any bells with anyone?

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Welcome...
Diagnosis seems to be an issue everywhere. Quite a lot focused on children over here, private costly. Consider what you want from the diagnosis. The 'benefits' are mostly aimed at children. I cared because the official 'probably autistic' (the most a regular psychologist is allowed to give here) made me go slightly insane and information goes all over the place. As you noticed for yourself, not everything fits. I went to a private center, recommended by a firm that works with autistic people... ("i don't want to work for you but were do you check if they qualify")
While I was about 40, diagnosis was signed by a pediatrician for mutuality to pick it up. Needs a dose of self comedy to accept that (they didn't pay psychologists -think changed now- but a 40+ something with pediatric prescription is no questions asked). Belgian law. Waiting lists are long. (only our health minister claims they are gone).

Living alone was not great. Not really love buckets but we keep each other sort off in check. Mostly.
At least I still have my work people as well. Hard to keep connected with people.

Welcome to the planet TE,

There are all sorts in WP and I can identify with a lot of the things you wrote that made me doubt my initial self diagnosis.
It's hard enough working with the spectral range of ASD before one muddies the waters by adding ADD.
I'm thinking that might be something you'd find interesting.

I received my formal diagnosis two days before my 65th birthday. I had to do some research to find someone to do the assessment. Maybe this post could be helpful?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to wrong Planet congrats on your accomplishments to eventually arrive here.

Hey, thank you guys. I didn't see the posts because I didn't get an email (despite setting setting "Notify me when a reply is posted") and so assumed people were not inspired to respond (I posted in early on a morning when I was feeling rather low energy too, and Iso thought they might be turned off)... so now I know I have to manually check this site, and that the "Notify me when a reply is posted" is not working. (I double checked my email, did a search, including in the Spam folder, and confirmed there was nothing).

That housekeeping crapola out of the way, here's my deeply meaningful response:

It was ChatGPT that helped me self-diagnose . What a pal. Being a skilled writer (when I wanna be), and with lots of computer experiences, "prompting" is a valuable skill in this day and age of simulated intelligence (AI).

But yes, the ADD thing seems to be somehow within the same spectrum of processing “disorders” and I definitely have some of those characteristics, although again I tend to think it has to do with social fitment and a pattern of thinking (mind) rather than being an actual, real organic disorder in itself.

For instance, kids that have very high energy (either physically or mentally) can be actually very good at certain things like athletics or creative stuff. The problem is they just don’t fit into the linear-oriented school system (reflecting inustrial culture), which wants us to be programmed like linear pegs that fit into square holes in the machinery of production.

For example, I was really good at understanding science topics, really loved it, and could understand stuff a young age that even adults didn’t, such as in biology or astronomy. And I particularly loved Natural History having to do with plants (botany). However, when I got into school, I discovered that in order to do this stuff in a professional way, their orientation was totally different than mine. Rather than all the beautiful perceptual stuff, and the kind of "logic" I was seeing (the underline unity), they were approaching everything from parts, and abstractly. And in any case, all the system cared about, was future goals, competition, and a linear way of analyzing isolated data, such as using math and abstractions. It had nothing to do with my love of the topic.
I failed at high school because the science teachers were very conservative, hated me, and I was totally bored by their dry, irrelevant, ideologically-driven teachings. There was one biology teacher that liked me OK, but you have to pass classes that are math-based in order to go on and get through various levels, such as physics and calculus which were stepping stones to other things. It’s all on a “track” for certain superior intellects. They literally use that word And if you don’t fit on the track, you’re considered inferior, basically.
I was absolutely brilliant at certain things, such as building stuff and inventing stuff and understanding science topics and doing art, and writing fiction and essays. But even in junior high school my different way of seeing things just didn’t fit in.
Their starting point of the worldview was that you are a separate robotic unit without feeling or vision, in calculated competition with other separate units, and all that matters is winning something in the future. Even your friends are considered enemies. And Nature is an alien, threatening landscape.
It’s a bizarre religion based in assuming these abstractions are what’s real. And everything else follows from that.

I’ve spent many many years involved in the psychology field, psychotherapy, philosophy, spirituality, spiritual psychology, and I am deeply skeptical of the assumptions in world of psychology, such as this "ADD" label, that I'm sure is just a mental pattern, and not likely something organic or fixed. We are treated as if we are a bag of chemicals to be managed (and then manage the management...) and controlled, a lifeless robot. I've seen people's lives destroyed by the psychiatric system of "management" (using drugs to control them). Let's not even go there...

Regarding that organization – Headlight Health – I mentioned that sends people to psychologist or therapist that take insurance: Their main thing is prescribing ketamine. That’s their new-ish hammer gimmick with which they see nails everywhere. And of course it’s very convenient and lucrative, a nice quick fix and they like to find people that have depression that isn’t solved by other means, and give them a drug.

I have nothing against medicines and fun plants that brighten our lives and helps us focus and increase energy balance for a while, like coffee, tea, or Kratom leaf tea (all of which I use and enjoy). But that's nature's gift, not a corporate laboratory who only has sharegolders (interesting typo, haha) in mind.

Anyway, my aim here is "merely" to find some friends, like-minded, who are "pattern-matching" type perhaps. And to see what other insights folks might have on this unusual species or variety of apparent ASD.

Now, time to attend to the battles and fun of the day... yak later.

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