I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 50. I'm now 62. I'm writing a memoir about life before and after diagnosis.
A beta reader suggested I add more description of "what being autistic does to us." That struck me as important and also hard: after 60+ years, how do I distinguish what feels like wiring from what I built as adaptation?
Examples that feel like wiring:
- Eye contact/looking differences (an eye-tracking study verified my eyes go to the mouth more than the eyes)
- Verbal instructions don't stick unless I take notes
- Sensory sensitivities I had before I had words for them
- Processing lag when people speak too fast
- When there's no structure or focus, I feel unmoored/restless (sometimes worse)
Examples that feel like adaptation:
- Copying other people's behavior because I had no internal model
- Learning scripts/manners from my mother
- Heavy documentation and note-taking as compensation
- Building routines and special interests to stay regulated
- Managing my environment to avoid overload
One way I’m thinking about it: adaptations are what I do to function. Wiring is what shows up when I stop doing it.
Question for those diagnosed later in life: how do you distinguish your wiring from your adaptations? After decades of compensating, can you still tell which is which?
23 Jan 2026, 12:32 am
