RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)

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I think it explains a lot in my case, all the traits of it match up. I guess I always did figure it wasn't normal to have such a painful reaction to perceived rejection or judgement. I guess I thought everyone felt that and could just deal with it better than I could...but apparently most people don't feel like they were punched in the gut or stabbed in the heart because they couldn't find their favorite t-shirt they misplaced or because they think someone said something mean, when that person was just trying to be friendly and said something in jest.


But I guess RSD can sometimes make emotional hurt, feel a lot bigger than it needs to be...cause of all the fear of rejection and being abandoned and all that. I am just glad I looked into it, because being aware that this is really the big problem in my relationship like I can't control the sometimes explosive emotional reactions to things...but now that I know there is a specific term for it and I can mention it to my psychiatrist and therapist I feel like there is hope to get it under control. Cause this has plagued me forever...like just taking things so personally and getting upset even at people who didn't ever mean any harm...but still triggered me into having an episode or whatever which would make people not want to be around me. I just did not know there was like a label to put on it, so I never described it very well to mental health professionals in the past as I didn't know what it was. But yeah I guess it fits in with getting on ok with people, then getting stressed out and making a scene and sometimes the consequence is people don't want to hang out with me as much.

Anyways that was a lot of me blabbing, but I was wondering if anyone else here experiences RSD and if any of you have ideas of how to deal with it for the meantime. But also I plan to mention it to my psychatrist and therapist that I think its something I struggle with.

I deal with it, I know others on here have mentioned dealing with it.

I mostly just lock it in a box and ignore it to the best of my ability.

I never heard of RSD until I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, and RSD describes me exactly. I'm a natural worrier, meaning it takes far less energy to worry or dwell on something than it does if I try not to. Even if I block the thoughts from my head and tell myself I'm not going to worry about any recent social rejection, I still can't stop the feelings of depression that begin to stir up in my heart.

I pride myself with having good social skills for an Aspie with ADHD, as whenever I research anything about social ineptitude in autism I find I can't relate to it most of the time, but being frequently socially rejected is usually the result of failing socially, so it just makes me beat myself up that I am still failing even with non-obvious ASD and satisfactory social skills compared to how autism is described. I seem to understand social situations, because often I see extroverted autistic people on these forums posting about constantly seeking social connections yet failing very quickly due to having difficulty understanding social situations, or not knowing what to do in a relationship, etc. I've very seldom got into those sorts of situations, as I do understand people and social situations, and I had no issues at all in the dating world (not autistic issues anyway). So I know I'm quite socially adept for an Aspie, yet recurring social rejections suggest otherwise, and it makes me hurt because it reminds me that I'm still going wrong somewhere. It could also be because I don't drink, but that's another thread (check the haven).

I also can't stand criticism. Well, some criticism is okay, like constructive criticism, or the sort of criticism that I agree with and find comical about myself.

And I feel embarrassment very deeply. My dignity is important to me and if I lose my dignity in a situation I feel embarrassed so severely, that it physically hurts. Some things I don't feel embarrassed about, but other things I do. Like one time I was in the car with my husband and I suddenly had diarrhoea. The pressure was building up and I started shouting in a panic and had to ask him to pull over so I could get out of the car. The pressure was actually gas, and once I was outside I could let it pass freely, but I just could NOT do that in front of my husband. The smell would be humiliating for me and I'd rather die than to do that in front of anyone in the whole world, even my own mother. And it's not always about being judged, it's just about how I feel. Farts and burps gross me out and I still have the 19th century attitude about it where it's considered rude and unladylike to do in polite company. It's just how I feel. Yet running around stark naked in front of my husband doesn't embarrass me in the slightest.

My girlfriend is on the spectrum & has bad ADHD. Cass also has RSD & it contributes to her having Social Anxiety & Avoident Personality Disorder. She grew up in a somewhat abusive & hostile household. She kind of pushed herself to study & learn others behavior & reactions in an attempt to try & smooth things over & minimize conflict. Her immediate family & her were kind of shunned by the small town they grew up in except when they were active in the church. Cass is very sensitive to others reactions & can take minor little things personally when others actions/reactions probably had nothing to do with her. Thinking about this right now I cant think of anything I really noticed that majorly helps her. She's sensitive to my actions/behavior as well. She gets hyper & talkative when she's tired or stressed whereas when I'm tired or stressed I get quiet & apparently seem angry & Cass worries I'm upset with her. Cass keeps trying to remind herself that's just how I act & it's usually not caused by her. I keep having to tell her that I'm tired because I got up early or I'm stressed from going out & being busy or whatever.

I had lots of problems as a kid & felt very unaccepted by my parents & society in general but I went the opposite direction as Cass. I learned I just couldn't please certain people & I gave up trying. It tends to be better if I keep to myself offline unless I need or want something. I'm kind of misanthropic & in my own head a lot. I just don't notice lots of things Cass does. When she tells me afterwards I don't think lots of those things were a big deal or were a negative action/reaction because of her or me. I think people are strange & have their own various issues, hang-ups, & problems. People do not know what I'm thinking or feeling & I do not know what they are thinking or feeling either & I don't dwell on it. I kind of learned that I sometimes need to act forceful & kind of b!tchy sometimes in order for others to actually listen to me & take me seriously. That is not my first response, I try to act polite & nice but when that doesn't work I figure I had to act that way & if others get upset that's kinda their problem but I do try apologizing if they weren't acting like jerks or a$$e$. The one person I'm very sensitive to is Cass. I really wish I knew how to help more.

I'd like to know how difficulties with criticism relate to difficulty accepting compliments.

High self-esteem and RSD are mutually exclusive, I believe.

I love most compliments, although sometimes I think some are just clichés. But not all. Many compliments are kind and heartfelt and it makes me feel connected.