Struggling with depression over always being single.

Post Reply New Topic

I have battled off and on with depression over my adult life. My depression steams from always wanting to be in a romantic relationship yet never getting close to actually being in one.

To be honest I thought I had been doing well. But I hit a brick wall this week. I am realizing I just do not enjoy anything anymore. I was diagnosed as autistic a little over two years ago. After my diagnosis I figured- well that is that, now I will never be in a relationship- so I just sort of gave up. Got way into my hobbies and my interests.

Now I am no longer really interested in anything. I just feel depressed and sad over being single. I tried so very hard to craft a life I could be happy with outside of a relationship. But I failed.

There is more to life than being in a romantic relationship!! !

I know that with Valentine's Day being recent it only amplifies and reinforces your depression but you CANNOT let that get to you @BrianWV38!

If the main source of your current depressive state is caused by being chronically single then you should either reflect deeply on if you REALLY truly want the "marriage and parenting" lifestyle or if your desire was created as the result of heavy societal conditioning...

There are many places to meet a partner. The library, a concert, a club related to your special interest, church, at a sports game. The more you get out, the better it gets.

Thank you. It is rather difficult to have a disability that prevents you from experiencing a romantic relationship. Being in a relationship has been my biggest goal in life since the age of twenty. In one way or another, it has been the constant thing in my life I have been striving for and reaching towards.

Not very successfully of course. I am autistic, I am shy as hell, very poor, I don't do well in groups, I mostly keep to myself. It is not easy for me to get into a relationship.

I wish it was easier to talk about. I doubt people in my life really want me to tell them how depressed I truly am over always being single. There is not much they can do to help me and there is not much I can do to change the reality either. So, like some WWI solider, who never tells the truth about conditions at the front because it will serve no purpose. I keep the truth from the few people in my life how terribly miserable and unhappy I am over always being single.

I concur.

If I wasn't with me partner, I'd be with myself. And that's okay. It's okay to be with yourself.

I don't want to be by myself. I think I have only a certain number of years to exist as possible. I want to spend as much of that time I am given for existence in a romantic relationship as possible. I have been out of a relationship all my life. My goal is to spend as much time as I have left in a romantic relationship. That is my goal in life.

I know you've said you're not a very competitive guy, but the reality is that the dating market is competitive. If women are able to attract what they perceive to be more desirable options as prospective romantic partners than you, it would be illogical for them to settle for you.

You're not financially stable which I'd imagine many women at your age expect a partner to be, your social skills and "shyness" are likely to hinder you in the male gender role of early dating, and a non-trivial amount of women find a lack of dating experience to be undesirable or a red flag at your age.

If you're in a line-up of 100 guys your age, and a woman is choosing a partner from that line-up, what might make it logical from her perspective to pick you over the other guys?

Yes, as great as a romantic relationship can be staying single means you don't have to deal with the eventuality and inevitability of your partner passing away! !!

Also, you wouldn't have to invest resources into someone where there is is a lot of uncertainty in where things stand!

As much as I truly loved David, deep down I knew the relationship was unsustainable because of his health issues...

Yep...dating is a contest and competition! !!

My biggest goal in life is to get into a romantic relationship. I will always do my best.

That WAS my main life goal...but not anymore!! !

After what happened with David, I am afraid of getting my heart broken again but at least I got 3 years worth of dating with him!

Marriage would have been more of the same I think and something tells me I will successfully reach the goal with my next partner, once I'm ready to start over...



EDIT: My new main life goals are the following:

-Get into the Olympic Games

-Become a Professional Animator & Voice Actor

-Become a Professional Video Game Developer

-Travel to Japan

Then you have the smaller stuff like learning how to drive and obtaining a job along with the completion of my passion projects such as my classic game music remix album and launching of my online VGM radio station Nintendo Heaven Radio (or NHR)

Oh I cannot forget about finally obtaining the Nintendo Switch STEM Kit Nintendo Labo Toy-Con 04: VR Kit! !!

Especially since we need it for NSO Virtual Boy integration

Notice how getting married and becoming a mom are NOT mentioned anywhere in this list?

That's because I have decided to temporarily abandon those goals until I meet a new man who is marriage-material like David was!

Ambitious goals?

You bet but they are certainly 100% achievable!! !! !!

Last edited by Mikurotoro92 on 22 Feb 2026, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The point is, what do you have going for you that would make a woman want to choose dating you over dating other men she could date or being single? From her perspective, why is her life better for having you in it than not?

If you can't answer that question, that's a big problem and something you should think about.

Absolutely! !!

What unique traits & characteristics do you have to offer to a single woman @BrianWV38?

For example, David chose to take a chance on me because he saw something in my personality that made me stand out against other prospective candidates!

Again, it's a contest and the ones who "win" the game (get married) are the people who stand out against all of the other choices

And that is the key to finding love!! !! !!

Last edited by Mikurotoro92 on 22 Feb 2026, 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

As far as why someone would want to date me. Well, I cannot think of a single reason a person would not want to date me.

It seems you didn't read my first response at all then. If that's the best answer you have to the question of why someone would want to date you, frankly, that's bad news for you.



Lack of financial stability and lack of ambition are a big problem for a guy of your age. If you did start dating someone and you wanted to move out together, given that you're "very poor" and content enough with that not to try and change it, a woman who was financially stable and was dating you would likely have to take care of more than her fair share of the bills, and your lack of finances are very limiting in terms of what you'd be able to do together. Going out to restaraunts? She's probably paying. Going on holidays? Not likely. Getting her gifts? You probably can't afford to.

Because you're content with being poor and not being financially stable, either she's going to have to be the primary income earner (which is undesirable to a lot of women), or she's going to have to accept a limited, low-income life with you. Women who have better options are unlikely to accept a relationship like this, especially if you have nothing going for you that is particularly attractive to her.

Being "shy as hell" and having no established social connections tend to work against you as well. If you're not equipped to take the necessary social initiative, escalate from talking to dating to a relationship and read and respond appropriately to non-verbal cues, you're in an even worse position.

So what about you might be particularly attractive to some women?

This is WAY too vague of an answer!! !

Please elaborate...