fake people

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i'm so sick of fake people. those people who act like or say they are your friends but they never call you, you have to call them. or they just disappear for weeks or months at a time but if you bump into them on the street they act like nothing is wrong. it seems like no matter what i do its impossible for me to develop a reliable network of friends i have common interests with! i'm always saying or doing somethin to mess it up and i'm just fed up!! ! i fear i will always be stuck alone.

I am in the exact same situation, and had the exact same things happen to me.

Tim

Absolutely! There is no Sunday school blanket statement for such a thing! Nothing!

And people who are "waiting on the world to change" (last name starts with M and rhymes with layer) end up going on a joy ride with the most superficial person on the planet who need special help finding tuna.

My tongue always comes raining raw acid on my friends, and all the nice people are going out with jerks and f'ing their brains out with escapism. No thought, therefore they are not. You think, so you are more real than most of my "friends" combined!

Ultimately, but not finally, people fear what they don't understand. AS who are opaque and punctual at the exact same time will confuse the smartest, and the sheer complexity ("I carry a dictionary in case matrix speaks again") will confuse the dumbest. The AS cynicism may lead optimistic nice people (the Disney types) to believe you may be some serial killer, or mad scientist. Of course in my exploits, I tend to develop Dr. Evil laughs and "well-laid plans" to draw folks in, only for them to fly out before "it's too late". It becomes worse. I haven't used AS as a crutch or anything, but the longer I enjoy my cell-phone collecting dust, the longer I despise it.

i hate when people tell me to 'be proactive, call your friends first, dont wait for them to call you' but when i try to make plans with them, they're all like 'sorry i already have plans'. okay....you make plans and you dont include me in your plans?

Being fake is the acceptable thing to be. There's even a branch of Psychology that claims you must have a False Self apart from your True Self. My therapist tried to help me develop one, but it didn't work enough.

Couldn't agree more. I call them "disposable friends."

I hate fake people so much, it is why I don't have friends at all. Alot of people around me are so fake that its not even funny.

I have many good and loyal friends, they are all imaginary, but so what!

Greentea, Your Therapist told you to become an imiginary friend?

My therapist tried to help me develop a False Self, I mean.

I don't think you'll be stuck being alone, and you're definitely not alone in your thoughts about this! Actually, this week was rough on me in this respect. One of my friends stood me up and kept canceling our plans and I'm fed up with it.

Maybe I take relationships more seriously than others, I don't know, but I just can't own that fake, carefree attitude about relationships! I believe that if we agree to meet, we meet; if we agree to call, we call; we don't bail on each other. Is it that hard to follow through on plans and just be a friend?

And like you said, I worry that I am always messing things up by acting or reacting in the wrong way, or saying the wrong thing... It's like I'm pushing people away, either by being myself, or by trying to follow the social "rules." I can't get it right...Yet why should I beat myself up for being myself and trying to befriend them???

I too, am guilty of being a fake friend, but it really wasn't my fault, nor was it the fault of who I was fake friends with. It was merely sad circumstances. We'll call him Bob. Conversations between me and Bob would be about nothing but what he wanted to talk about - period. I would barely be allowed to even get a word in, even if it was related to the topic he chose. Meanwhile, I was expected to pay very close attention to every boring little detail about things I really didn't care about beyond caring about it for him. I thus got absolutely nothing out of the friendship. Meanwhile, he was really enjoying our "talks", and constantly wanted to hang out with me, leaving me no room to breath. It didn't seem to occur to him that I had my own life and my own things to deal with, like homework, food, sleep, and other friends, and the sheer amount of time I had to spend with him caused me to simply start making up excuses not to talk to him. Finally, he stopped contacting me.

I have also been on the other side numerous times. I think the problem is us aspies tend to not know when it's an appropriate time to cut in and give our feedback, and we also tend to gravitate the conversation towards a singular interest, disliking when it veers off course. This can create the impression that we are Bobs, even if it is untrue. Do you know what the interests of your friends are? If you do, try talking a bit about those interests. It might be enough to get them involved in the conversation. Also pay attention to at what kinds of points NTs interrupt you during a conversation, and mimic this when cutting in. My Mom advised me to only interrupt when someone stops to take a breath, and not in the middle of a sentence. Be sure you not only make use of such interruption points, but make them yourself, so the other person knows its okay to talk. They don't know it's safe to cut you off whenever, and they never will - NTs cannot understand the way we think, because they don't have to deal with us 24/7. We understand them better, so we should try to emulate their social tendencies. That doesn't mean we have to have NT interests or personality, that's a different thing, and I personally want friends who like me for who I am, but we have to be understandable to them

If all that fails, as it will in many cases, oh well. Not every possible set of two people will make good friends, and perhaps it's ok to let things drift away. About 2 years ago, I had never had anyone but fake friends. They'd never call me, I'd always call them. I'd always ask them to stay over or hang out, and they'd always say yes, until they got sick of me and started making excuses. I started to internally dislike them, but I needed some kind of social communication, and so I stuck with it. In the end, however, I realized that this wasn't socialization at all, and I made a decision. I would stop trying to contact any of my friends until they made an effort to contact me. No one did, no one missed me, and I lost every single friend I had.

Yet, it was the best decision I had made in my life, because I started making new, real friends. One thing that really helped me was socializing with other aspies in this aspie group I became a part of. You should see if such a thing exists where you live. With aspie friends, the pressure is off. One might argue that this would pamper me and weaken me to the stress of NT interaction, but I found it quite the opposite. I saw all the mistakes my aspie friends were making, realized they were also my mistakes, and revised myself. The funny part is that when I tried socializing like an NT to these aspie friends, I had the same problems my NT friends had had with me.

I currently have 5 friends, one of them NT. Things are going well.

I'm glad I read all this.