Life partners

Post Reply New Topic

Please read this entire passage. It is very important.

So let me start by saying I have never been in a relationship. I would like to get married but I would also like to have positive influences, while maintaining a positive influence outside of marriage. I'm only 19, so I'm not in any hurry. So I am experimenting with the idea of permanent life partnership. My definition is not the typical asexual relationship between two people equivalent to marriage. That's what it is. Marriage involves intimacy, partners are not intimate. But let me give you a little background information with my new and improved definition.

I would like to find a girl, younger than me, but within 3 years of my age. I never had a little sister. I was the baby. I have 2 older sisters, but we were never close. I am convinced there is a celestial bond between a little sister and older brother that goes without saying, just isn't there in a typical 'big sister, little brother' or 'brother-brother', 'sister-sister relationship. A girl needs a male figure in her life apart from her dad, who can be a horrible influence, if not even abusive.

A girl needs a positive male influence, similar in age to show her what being a man is about. What to look for in a man, and how to properly execute any relationship. Without this male figure, girls are lost in the dark world of sex, lies, drugs, hate, and will lead to a path of destruction.

I would like to find a girl who is an only child. It is similar to the adoption process. You would first find candidates for adoption. Then weed out possible candidates until a suitable one is found.

I would also like to find a girl, between 15-18 who comes from an abusive family line, perhaps with alcoholism, or domestic violence a key prerequisite. I want to mentor this girl who is quickly finding out the powers she holds over men as she becomes a woman, to mentor her, and guide her through life, like only a big brother can. So a guy is harassing you, being a pervert, discussing inappropriate subjects. I don't want this girl to be a perv. Pervs will be pervs. She has to be chaste, yet if there is a situation, I will gladly lay down my life for her. Though it probably would never lead to that.

Girls these days need mentors. Someone to teach them about love, peace, kindness, gentleness, a proper way to grow in a relationship and most girls are turning to all the wrong things.

At the same time, I want a girl to comfort me in the way only a little sister can. Help me see the joy in life, great things that can be accomplished for the good of the universe, and bring out the best in me.

I am a very dark, depressing person and the only thing that may save me is a meaningful relationship with this girl, wherever she may be. Let me emphasize, this has a 'little sister-big brother' objective, not about intimacy or dating. My family has been very hurtful over the years and that is why I am seeking to adopt this very special girl who needs me now more than ever (and I need now more than ever).

Your comments, suggestions, thoughts, whatever would be much appreciated.

You are in a bad place - seek therapy. What you think you want will not satisfy or "cure" you. Sorry to be blunt, but I felt the same way a long time ago.

Nick

Well said IronicChef. There seem to be a number of guys here with the same problem, so at least you're not alone 777.

What do you mean the same problem? Can't family get through anything if the commitment is there? Not like my family, they can be real jerks. I am talking about a bond that goes beyond description. Something, almost religious, or spiritual.

I agree that you should take care of your personal issues before thinking you can help anyone else.

This is a set up for dependency for both of you, from what I've read here.

It's nice that you want to help someone, but it seems to me you are really trying to gain what you seek... love, support, security, etc. of a male figure, through someone else's life.

You obviously know what your needs are and what you've missed getting from any males in your own family.
I just see that the issues are your own... not some other person's, like a younger girl you can adopt.

Seriously.. think about it... you are the one who is missing these things right now.
You cannot give another person those things you do not have an understanding of yourself.
When you try to be this male figurehead for someone else and they don't respond the way you fantasize they will, this could be very hard on you.

Before I could be a good father for my daughter, I had to understand what a father meant to me, understand my relationship with my father and accept it as it is, and keep from using my daughter to work through my own personal issues.
It's too easy to live your own life through someone else.
This always seems to bring major frustration and disappointment.
Same thing with couples who think having a baby will solve their marital problems.
Just having a baby won't make their lives better... they should make their lives better so they are good parents.

You need to make your life better before you can be a good 'brother'.

Good point about having a baby to save your marriage. I don't really mean this to be permanent. Just long enough till we both see what needs to be accomplished. Look at Jamie Lynn. If I had been there for her, maybe, just maybe she wouldn't have got pregnant.

It just doesn't sound healthy to me. I agree you should seek therapy.

i want a friend for life

Those bonds can occur, but they can't be planned. It's hard to answer, and there is no simple answer. But the bottom line is that you can't expect another person to 'save' you or solve your problems or to make you happy if you are not happy youself. It just doesn't work. Try thinking about it the other way around; if you met a woman who was in your position, how would you feel about her?
Here are a couple of the other threads on similar topics I alluded to; I hope you find them insightful:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt49372.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt49260.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt49608.html

Take care.

Thanks for the links zee.

That's a joke, right?