How important is physical attraction?

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I was talking to a person about physical attraction, An NT I think, he considers himself ugly and frustrated that he believes that the most reason some people don't get dates is because they are not attracting enough, he does not consider himself attractive and he denies the inner beauty thing and believes that comes in second place, after the most important thing, according to him, the physical attraction, he seems to believe that that is the key for happiness, being good looking. I was trying to debate him, although I never had a girlfriend, I may look bad doing so, but still I was trying to make him see that he was wrong, or at least being extreme. Well he had bad experience as a kid, similar to mine, in the sense that the popular girls he wanted, they rejected him, so I thought that experience made him think that way.

The thing is, he might be right in some things but the problem is that he is being a little extremist in my view, and I am not good at talking so I couldn't say that much other than saying some ideal stuff like the innerbeauty being more important, which he things is unrealistic.

I was wondering if I could get more insight about it, and hoping it is a good idea to make this thread.

Last edited by greenblue on 01 Jan 2008, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Attraction is the first connection. If someone's attractive, that first bridge is built with no hassle. The "inner beauty" thing comes after that. You can't see someone's inner beauty from across a crowded room!

That's true in some cases, and that is what he says, but he generalizes it, the problem is the way of thinking about it, he says he should be attracted to "ugly" women just like him, to put it in his own words "to his same level" as he claims to want someone out of his lead, high standards . He is a friend of the family so that is why I care.

I think its very important, but no way near as important as a connection

You can have a great personality but if a girl doesnt find you physically attractive chances are the best you can get into is the Friend Zone.

That being said... if you were to rate attractive on a scale of one to ten and your friend considered himself a 5.... then couldn't he find a girl who was also a 5 or 4 on the attractiveness scale?

What I'm trying to say is that there is a love for everyone no matter how attractive they are or not... For every desprate guy looking for love who considers himslelf unattractive there is also a girl who thinks she's unattractive looking for love as well.

They should get together and everyones happy.

Hello,

Love and dating are for suckers. The male is at such a disadvantage. Give me hookers. At least that way I get what I pay for and don't have to worry about whether she "likes me" or not. Who cares. It is just a business transaction. I posess something she wants "money" and she possesses something I need "sex".

It should be legal everywhere.

crazedchef
getting ready for R n R in Thainland next week!!

If you can see someone, you will always judge by outward appearances first.

If you meet them on the net or via voice, you wont.

That's not to say that outward appearances cant be overcome, just that it's harder work.

It's a human condition sadly.

i believe things other than physical appearance can lead to someone being physically attracted to you.

It has worked that way for me, and some girls tell me it works like that for them too, but maybe we are all kidding ourselves.

This is not necessary true, the truth is that everyone seeking for an attractive mate even the unattractive people , the truth is that most of the 4/5 guys and girls are seeking mates above 7 or 8.

I knew many young unattractive and even ugly girls who seek hight physical standards , soon or late most of them r gonna lose hope in that and will lower their standards dramatically.

Physical attraction matters. But ugliness is in the eye of the beholder, and relationships don't always have to come from that first spark of physical attraction, they can evolve over time.

Also, keep in mind that what may be attractive to one person isn't always the case for another. No matter what quirks are in your looks, there will be someone around who adores them. I find physical attraction very important, and as a teenage girl I think that's to be expected, but I have a couple unique ideas about what's hot and all that... but yeah, I think that being attractive (at least by my standards) is really important. Then again, people really do get cuter when you get to know them, and there is more to love than looks.

Very very low requirement for me. Or I'm just physically attracted to everything...

Everything comes down to her personality, if everything is clicking there... I really don't care what she looks like.

I've got to find the guy physically attractive, but I don't have super-high standards in terms of looks.

It's more like a "click", that's either there or it isn't.

I wouldnt want to date someone that was more attractive then me because that would just make me
insecure.

Could you imagine dating a super model who was constantly getting hit on by guys that looked a lot more attractive then you? No thanks I'll pass

There is always the lemon law (or Barney's law) for dating. Naturally, if you meet someone face to face, and you feel attracted to them, you will have some urge to pursue your interest. If you do not like them within five minutes of talking to them, you can end the conversation, no feelings hurt. Of course there is always the possiblity that you could be talking to someone that you do not think "wow, they are hot", but have things in common, get on with. At the end of the day, if two people are meant to be together, it will be down to more than outward appearances. Getting along is paramount. The two go together, I suppose. Or not. I will stop now...

Yes. If I'm not physically attracted, it's a no-go. I see a pattern in the sorts of physical traits that have tended to move me but that pattern does not conform to what the TV tells me.

Greenblue, it seems like your friend is trying to create strict rules to explain a phenomenon that is a bit more varied than he thinks. It is true that studies have found that a great many people are attracted to very similar traits. However, too often we forget about the sizable percentage of individuals whose tastes didn't conform to the average (as the saying goes, there are no average people). Our impression of beauty in other people is impacted by so many factors. It isn't static at all. Have you ever had the experience of finding someone beautiful, being treated poorly by that person, and then finding her quite a bit less attractive afterward? Or the other way around, maybe finding someone looks so-so at first, then noticing that she seems more beautiful once she has been friendly to you?

No matter how your friend looks, there will definitely be girls who will cross him off their list of potentials on sight. There will indeed be a pattern to how that plays out. Girls who conform best to current popular notions of beauty will probably on average be desiring of mates who do the same. You can pretty much figure that someone who spends a great deal of time and money on looking trendy isn't going to be interested in someone whose looks don't fit the pop culture image that she is working so hard to maintain. Girls who have a more timeless, low maintenance sort of beauty (in my experience) will be more likely to have non-standard tastes in men.

I'm really not sure what is going on with the odd, outcast of a boy who only likes the most popular cheerleader in school. Is he just unfortunate in having such limited tastes, or has he fallen victim to being told what to like, as opposed to listening to himself?