Think I've put my finger on part of my social problems...

Post Reply New Topic

I've always found socialising very difficult, but I think what really caused me to regress was a period of a few months during which the following happened:

- My gf of over five years broke up with me - I was really, really in love, fully expected to marry her and have kids, etc (I'm sure I could never fall in love again like that).

- My best friend cut off communication with me, for no reason.

- I had an extremely difficult period of social anxiety, managed however to eventually make a couple of friends - and soon lose them.

- I had serious problems with my family, which I did not expect at all (as a result, also had no one to turn to for support)

- I went through other non-social problems and stressful things and had other reasons to be unhappy (and essentially there was nothing good or satisfying about my life at the time).


So after this, I shut down essentially. Human connections outside my family no longer feel real, and at the back of my mind there's always this feeling of 'why bother?' regarding people. That emotional numbness, on top of AS and social anxiety (the result of childhood bullying) means I haven't formed any real bonds with others since, though I often feel accute loneliness. I don't know where to go from here, plus my life seems directionless and aimless, I am confused as to what to do.

Hey man. That sounds rough. I know what you're going through in terms of cutting everyone out of your life. I have a severe inability to connect with anybody new that I meet. I recieved repeated death threats from some guy I thought was my friend who sold pot; I never did rat him out so it was really out of nowhere that it happened. My girlfriend that I was fairly close to and had dated for a few years was raped by some guy at a party. I also witnessed aquaintences getting beaten up fairly severely. All this has had an extreme impact on my psyche. I don't know what advice to give you but you're not alone.

Will reply later, but that is so sad - all of it!

it may all be interconnected. It's hard, but it sounds like a spiral coming out of the breakup. One thing women will do is analyze the relationship breakup day by day, trying to figure out the clues as to when this or that caused things to go off the rails. Not suggesting you can do that, but it might put things into context.

I'm sure you've heard it before, but maybe you're trying too hard. Relationships shouldn't have to be forced (except for customer service, but we won't go there.., but should be able to exist and flow naturally.

Don't have much more to go on, but maybe this could be a start.

That has been me for over the last 5 years. Childhood bullying and terrible family relationships (to the point - as of late - of cutting most communications, not celebrating birthdays, Christmas, New Years Eve, etc) I've always had, but many small crisis and failed attempts at love or friendship seem to have wore me down into not being interested in people, not making eye contact, feeling aimless, ridiculous, void. . .

I'm not sure when did I completely shut down if it wasn't really gradual; I think I was still trying during the year 2000. . . but even then, not anymore as much as when I was 17. In some ways it felt like a mid-life crisis (though I'm not sure how an actual mid-life crisis feels) during my early 20s; basically noticing a lot of things were over and I hadn't achieved as much as I had planned whether socially or not (for example: in 2001 the guy I thought was a friend I could finally form a band with gradually showed to be a resentful jerk who lied to me to borrow money to buy drugs - less than a year before, I had had a dislocation in my martial arts class and had been abandoned/scoffed at by jerk classmates/instructor even though I had been with them for over 3 years and was the top student - now that I think of it there's at least 3 more things leading me to a major emotional breakdown around 2002-2003 I don't think I have fully recovered from).

Thanks for the support. Sorry to hear you've been going through such a bad time, adriaan6912.
My problems didn't spiral out of the breakup, for example my family problems were unrelated (my grandfather died and I had serious conflicts with my dad over my studies), and the problems with extreme social anxiety started before the breakup.
i feel directionless also because i don't know what to do with my life - apart from returning to my country after I finish my studies, I have no idea what I actually want to do.