Temporary or permanent?

Post Reply New Topic

Hey guys.I'm posting this topic after a good deal of thought on the subject,just so you know it comes with consideration and contemplation.
You often hear people call suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem.In many cases,I would whole heartedly agree.I am certainly not an advocate of suicide,nor would I ever say it's the best option.
But for many aspies,and I know I'm generalising somewhat,the very nature of our depression is so fundamental to how our peers percieve and subsequently treat us,that when when we may have suicidal thoughts,it's difficult for us to see our situation as temporary.
I'd like to point out I'm not a pessimist.I think life is a beautiful gift.I realize people go through periods of hopelessness,and they can be conquered and dealt with.It rips my heart out when I hear of an aspie that's ended the pain by taking their own life.But part of me knows that inherently,in many aspects an aspies existence is a cruel one,in an unforgiving world.And the idea that we're enduring something temporary sometimes,to my ears anyway,seems a bit trite.I'm not trying to bring anyone down,just trying to bring a different perspective to a sensitive issue.

In the darkest depression - suicide is always attractive.

Sadly though, for an aspie, even the little things trip fairly dark depression. I'll often look at my workload, or what I'm expected to develop at work and decide that it's too hard - I'm too scared to try and fail.

I'd rather just die.

Eventually I have a go and realize that my fears are unfounded.

The depression is permanent but if you can recognize it as your inner-aspie, you can say "well, I can ignore you and prove you wrong".

I already said this in another thread but when I get REALLY depressed I just live for the little things.

The little things may not even make me happy but they keep me alive.
I also live just ONE day at a time, when I think about weeks... I get really nauseated.

Example:
"I will not die today because tomorrow I will draw"
"I will not die today because tomorrow my soccer team will need me"
"I will not die today because my little sister needs someone to help her with her homework"
"I will not die today because my friend needs someone to drive her to school tomorrow"

Most of these things don't bring joy, but it gives me a reason to live... even if it's the most miniscule aspect of my life. I just forget about everything thats going wrong.

I also seek out "high" activities. I will call a friend over and celebrate a celebrities' birthday, No, we don't know him personally, No, he didn't show up and party with us, but we partied. We had cake and icecream, then we played sing star together. For me, THAT was something to live for, and THAT brought me joy.