downhill since dx

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i'm sure this is normal, but i've been getting seriously depressed since my diagnosis a couple weeks ago.
at first i was thrilled to have been right after all these years.
then i was confronted by a couple decades of horrible memories that i never really dealt with at all. i just shoved them away. i have nightmares. i'm depressed, i can't stand being around people. it's hard to go to class. i'm out of absences and so barely make it there, and fortunately my teacher is beign patient (i have had him many times and he knows this isnt' the norm for me, and knows the situation). it's affecting my grades.
fortunately, as obnoxious as the management is at work, i don't have to see them at my job and there is something nice about doing routine work without having to think.
it's going to take weeks to move through all the back story. my therapist is still trying to map out in her mind (understandably) who my family is, given i met my biological family at seventeen. covering the programs, schools, meds, things my mom has done. medications that made me psychotic but was treated like *I* was psychotic so upping those meds and adding antipsychs. threats of foster care. boarding schools. actually going to boarding schools where i was completely mishandled.
groups of peers crowding around me to tease, being told by mom that if everyone had a problem with me, then it must be me. that if i 'acted like this' no wonder i don't have friends.
the deadbolt put on the outside of my door. the psych at one school noticing marks on my arm and calling mom. i told the psych i was hard to deal with, that i deserved it. needless to say, mom was threatened with social services. mom was pissed. i asked her if she knew what it was like to be afraid of your own mom. she asked if i knew what it was like to be ashamed of her own daughter.
things with the family have improved since then, though if i weren't dependent on them i'd get the f**k off the east coast and away from them in a heartbeat.

don't need this s**t, or these memories. or mom being smug that i have AS because my biological sister has AS so she never did anything wrong. it was, as she's told me repeatedly, 'all nature, not nurture.'

Been there, done that...I sincerely sympathesize with you and your life situations. Sooner or later, you will realize that you need
to forget everything that happened to you in the past, move forward and bear in mind that whatever is important to your life comes down to just depending on one person...yourself.

Good luck!

What heart-breaking details!!
Getting a DX helps some people, but in your case it's going to take a lot of healing.
Take care of yourself.

the problem is acutally that i never think about the past, on purpose.
this is the end result.

will you be finished with thinking about it soon enough?

is there a schedule i'm supposed to follow?

Things will get better; 2 weeks isn't a long time. You are probably still going over past events in your life and trying to put everything into prespective; this takes some time. But the more you understand yourself, the more fulfilling your life will be.

That's too bad about your family, but don't let it control you. I don't get along with my parents either, and I'm currently living a productive and satisfying life. Many influential people who came from unhappy families or were orphans have developed a strong character due to dealing with conflict, which is of course very useful.

It will just take some time, good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. I figured out that I have AS a couple weeks ago myself. Ever since then, it's been dominating my thoughts. All I think about is the past, constantly going through my life memories, making sense of everything. Everyone around me says they have noticed I am "depressed" lately.

thanks for the encouragement.

the family issue is a pain in the ass because i'm financially dependent. mom almost had me put out on the streets for stupid reasons (cleaning issues and needing a break from school, when i had a 4.0). at this point my dad, who is very practical-minded, is aware that he needs to discuss s**t with me from now on, at least.
between my biological family and adopted family, the only person i consider to be 'real' family anymore is my sister, who is a LOT like me.
my boyfriend has serious family issues, as well, so we plan to high-tail it on out of here the minute we're financially able. granted, we'd bring our emotional issues with us, but not being in driving distance makes visits and the like a lot more difficult (plus work in the philly area = s**t right now so living just about anywhere else can help us secure independence).
i'm in therapy and i'm starting medication next week. i normally hate meds, but now that we know what to reasonably expect it to do (or not do), it should be different this time.

i think part of the issue is that my mom's philosophy is 'just do it and get it over with' - - - employing a severe form of 'tough love' that made me shut down rather than step up. and the more i shut down, the harder she dug her heels. when it didn't wokr i'd get yelled at, threatened with any manner of unpleasantness, had my mattress thrown off the bed (i would go into 'coma' sleeps to escape), locked up, smacked around.
if she'd known what the real issue was, i think the whole therapeutic approach would have been very, very different. and i would have been better able to advocate for myself, since i didnt' know how to articulate what was happening to me.

Heh, when I was a young kid my parents put a lock on the outside of my door as well. I forgot about that.