Constant depression.

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Depression seems to have embedded itself into my brain somehow. I am so used to being depressed, than the depression seems to be just a part of who I am. It's been atleast 3 years since I could genuinely say that life was good. Of course, sometimes the depression is more mild, but it's always there is some form, no matter what one.
For 3 years i've been unable to complete any course (apart from a 2 day workplace first-aid course). For 3 years i've been unable to say that I like myself for who I am. For 3 years I've done nothing but waste money, time, and other peoples efforts on trying to help me. Nothing has made this depression go away, it's almost like it's clinging onto me, laughing at me saying..."You are mine now!...mwua haahaahaahaahaa!".

I've lost all motivation to do anything, including to help myself. I can give others advice to help themselves, but can't seem to follow my own advice.
I look around outside and see the world going by. Things are progressing, time is going to quickly. The years seem to be getting faster and faster. I don't know if it's be imagining it, or if the years are really speeding up. Whatever the cause, I know that it's a sign, a sign that I need to do something before I get left behind in the dust of what used to be advanced. Although I can see that this is a sign, I don't know the solution to correct whats wrong in my mind...and heck, I know that whatevers going on in there is NOT meant to be happening.

People often ask me if i'm ok. I say i'm fine when really i'm not. I am experiencing depression so intensely, that I can't really find accurate words to describe it. What i've written here isn't even 1/10th of what i'm feeling. Some things I am feeling have no words to describe them. It just seems that day after day, week after week, people are losing faith in me and learning not to expect much from me...and I am losing hope that I will ever have a life worth living. This is not self-pitty, this is the absolute truth. I don't know what I should do, who I should ask for help, or if I should even bother to try to fix the seemingly unfixable.

Hi Brittany,

I can relate to what you're going through. I've been dealing with it for over a decade now. I can't really say life was good since I graduated from college 11 years ago. It does indeed become a part of you, though some days are better than others. I agree with you that time seems to be flying by at an accelerated rate. Wish I had some positive advice to give, but all I can say is hang in there. I don't do medication, but perhaps they may help in your case. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional, depending on how bad it is.

There are new medications all the time that may work better what you have tried.

Its one thing to try and have the meds not work, its another thing not to try anything.

I really relate to that feeling of time speeding up and everything moving on without me.

My worst period was between the age of 15 and 20. Then things got better for a few years. Now I feel it slowly creeping back up on me. Not constant, but on and off over weeks or months.

Despite how bad I've felt recently, my teenage years were far worse. If you’re pattern is anything like mine you may at least be nearing the end of the darkest part of the tunnel - if that’s any consolation.

I've recently gone through this recently and still do to less severe extents. What was happening to me was all of my sadness and anger that I had held back for years was finally starting to force their way out at once. That is why I urge everyone: let your emotions out when they come, don't bottle them up like I did. I let it all out finally and I turned out okay but I could have lost it and done something to myself or someone else. I still feel down at times but I have someone that helps me get through it and I do the same for them.

Right now we're much in the same boat. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and just recently to the point where I gave up all motivation for everything in my life. Depression affects everything in your life, not only in your head, but as far as grades, work, and your social life as well.

As far as meds go, all the medications they put me on probably did more harm than good. They had me on celexa, adderall, imimpramine (for asperger's), ritalin (when I was younger) as well as maybe a few other prescriptions. Most of them put me in a zombie-like state, and some made me more depressed to the point where nothing made me happy and i'd cry uncontrollably day in day out (this was a more severe case). Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something sedative like xanax or valium. Although i've never been prescribed them, the times i've taken them they took off the edge of it and made me more content, both with my situation and socially as far as inhibitions go. The only thing about that is you can't drive after taking either.

Still, I feel for you because a lot of what you're feeling right now is the EXACT same way I feel about myself. If much of what you're feeling is too deep to be put into words, it means the problems deeply rooted and mostly internal conflict, which is much harder to deal with because solutions for it are harder to come by. I hope you feel better soon, sorry I couldn't be of much help.

Right now we're much in the same boat. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and just recently to the point where I gave up all motivation for everything in my life. Depression affects everything in your life, not only in your head, but as far as grades, work, and your social life as well.

As far as meds go, all the medications they put me on probably did more harm than good. They had me on celexa, adderall, imimpramine (for asperger's), ritalin (when I was younger) as well as maybe a few other prescriptions. Most of them put me in a zombie-like state, and some made me more depressed to the point where nothing made me happy and i'd cry uncontrollably day in day out (this was a more severe case). Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something sedative like xanax or valium. Although i've never been prescribed them, the times i've taken them they took off the edge of it and made me more content, both with my situation and socially as far as inhibitions go. The only thing about that is you can't drive after taking either.

Still, I feel for you because a lot of what you're feeling right now is the EXACT same way I feel about myself. If much of what you're feeling is too deep to be put into words, it means the problems deeply rooted and mostly internal conflict, which is much harder to deal with because solutions for it are harder to come by. I hope you feel better soon, sorry I couldn't be of much help.

HUG

consider a more natural route. I been on quite a few meds and its been a total disaster. Things only turned around for me when i went the holistic route. Try omega three fatty acids b vitamins supplements, 5 htp SAMe and DMAE, topical lavener oil and meditaon, they are pretty much guarrenteed to lift up your mood.

I feel the same way you do. You should get back on the citalopram; are you sure you want to be off it? Don't worry; we can feel useless together. But we aren't. We just got rushed by other people pressuring us to meet all these milestones on time,thinking that's what life is about, and now we're rebelling in self-defence.