How do You Handle Grievance?

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I'm at a point in my where I'm losing two close family members for the first time in my life and don't know how I'm going to deal with it. The only family member I ever lost was my great grandma who was gone before she was gone AKA alzheimer's disease.

When I was 12, I lost a classmate to whom I was good friends with. His name was Mathew. He was very active and full of life. Two days before his sudden death, I called him some nasty names while we were playing around together. I don't know why except I think I was having a bad day. I'll never forget that day the way his face looked. The obvious signs showed that he was hurt and upset from the derogatory stuff I called him. He never talked to me after that. I wish I would've apologized to him sooner had I known the inevitable would take place. Two days later, he died of a heart failure at a cousin's birthday party.

When I went to his funeral, it was an open casket. I sat there like a stone and couldn't even get a tear out. It was weird, when I looked at his lifeless face, I thought he would just wake up or pop out of the casket like it was all a joke. Don't know why I had these awful thoughts but I did. Anyway, I'll never forget his family. His brothers were engulfed in tears and his mother looked like she was drunk or on something. She wasn't walking right and her face was blank. I really felt bad for his family.

Occasionally I would go to his grave and apologize for what I had said and done to him in the past. To this day, it upset me because I wish he could hear me or acknoweldge that I'm sorry. I can't really deal with death since I don't know if there is something beyond death. I'm an agnostic and it bothers me to think that life and death is all there is. So it puts me in a dilemma.

I now have two family members. My granny is not doing well at all at this moment. They found another cancer on her and her type 1 diabetes is getting worse. Her and I are extremely close and always have been. She was more like a friend my age than a grandma. I don't know what I'll do when she does go. I can't seem to just accept death.

So how do you handle or how did you handle the loss of a loved one or someone who was very close to you?

You don't have to completely focus on my story but how do you deal with it because I don't know what to do. Sometimes I want to go crazy and tear my hair out. I just feel like there should be an explanation for all of this nonesense.

I'm so sorry to hear about that. It is really hard to go through something like that. I've been through my fair share of it in the last 5 years. When I found out my dad had leukemia, I just broke down. I spent as much time with him as I could until he died. I didn't know what to think when it happened. It was a major change in my life, the strongest man I knew was gone.

If the worst should happen, I know this may not sound like much now but confide in the rest of your family, they will need you to be there for them as well. Remember the good times you had with them and not the bad such as their sickness. Also, don't be afraid to break down into tears. It is much better to let it all go whenever you need to than holding it all in. You'll feel better in the long run. And time will heal you as well. And if it does happen, then at least they won't be suffering anymore. But while they are still here, spend as much time with them as you can. Have fun with them, do things you enjoy together. That may sound like it'll make it harder but you will regret it if you don't.

But you never know, they may just pull through. Whatever happens, know that we are all here for you as well as your family. I hope I was of some help here. This is purely on my own experience but I think it will make things more bearable for you.

I can't help you because I had the same experience when my granny died 2 years ago and it still like a burden on chest till this day. Check this: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt17650.html ---> it is exactly the same weird story of yours, like if it is a copy/paste. Didn't believe it when i read your thread.



Waiting for the others' reply because I am also seeking for the answer of Miss' question.

I'm sorry to hear of your unfortunate circumstances. I am not very good at all, with identifying my own emotions or feelings, but I do know that my first reaction is, denial. I tell myself that maybe there was some type of mistake/confusion, and it didn't actually happen. Next would be acceptance, where I recognize and believe the fact that a loved one is actually gone. For me, that is the hardest part. Then, I will transition to the actual greiving process itself. I like to be alone for a day or so, so I can try to stabilize myself mentally, before the funeral process, but everyone is different. I'm so used to being alone that I've learned to deal with everything myself. I do know, that these things take time to recover from, and there is no real easy solution. All I can do is, try to assure you that things will eventually get better. It's a natural process. The mind will just need some time to heal. Best wishes.

That is a startling coincidence LPP. My other member of the family is a cousin. I never cried at that funeral like other people did in fact I felt out of touch with what was going on. The part I feel real guilty about is not only the feelings of getting numb but the fact that I can get upset over the dumbest things like missing objects. I really don't want to believe it's just lack of empathy due to AS. I really do mourn the loss of that person and yet it does seem to mimic that missing part of empathy.

Sorry for your loss, it's a strange thing to happen. I don't know how anyone deals with losing loved ones.

*hugs so hard you pass out*
I've never dealt with death (other then five of my favourite kitties), so I can't help you much. I know though that your grandma WILL go to a better place, even if it's not the stereotypical Heaven. Try spending as much time with her as possible, and tell her you love her as much as possible.
*hugs again*

^Thanks for the hug ebec.

what about me? =( I've been about 2 years suffering from this.

People grieve in different ways, I'm sorry to hear this weighing on the two of you. If you need to cry later then do so, otherwise don't kick yourselves in the butt. When my Grandma died it took a year to get around to crying. When my 20 year old nephew died on Easter of 2004 it broke me down immediately and felt like s**t for a year, maybe the difference was that I had changed his diapers, and when he was 12 I let him fire one of my 45's. Bottom line is that having people you care about dying sucks. LPP, I saw your thread in the PPR forum, keep your head down. I like your posts here, I hope you and your family members get through that new round of BS okay.

Hugs LPP. That's hard, I still don't know how some people just "get over it."

**sigh** a virtual hug, this is all what I get...how pathetic.

I cry a lot less often than I used to!

*e-hugs (I don't do the touching kind)*

I wish I could say sorry for what you are going through, but I never understood why people said that. I guess it's an expression of sympathy, in which case you do have mine.

I went through something like this last year when my mother passed away. She had really been gone for a few years before she died. She had MS, and was one of the 10% of MS patients that experience dementia, and also one of the 10%that actually die from the disease.

She had been in a nursing home for three years. A few months before she died, she had a few weeks when she was lucid. She was still severely physically disabled, but mentally she was the same woman she was three years earlier. She wasn't sure what year it was at first and still thought I was 22 years old, she was surprised to find that three years had past, and all she had to say was that MS is a very strange disease, and the organ system it effects is even more of a mystery than the disease itself (central nervous system). A couple weeks later she was back in a catatonic state, and a few months later she passed away. I was there the night it happened, and I saw her take her last breath.

That was seven months ago. I have never been able to cry. At the viewing and funeral everyone was saying how sorry they were, and I didn't understand why. It's not like they killed my mom, what to they have to be sorry about. I realized by their puffy red watery eyes, that they meant they were sad for me. But I wasn't really sad myself. Just kinda numb.

I mean my mom wouldn't have ever wanted to live the way she'd been living for the past three years. Unable to walk, dress herself, feed herself, bather herself, use a toilet, unable to speak...confined to a bed. Really I just thought any place she was now would be better then where she was.

I never did get sad. I never did cry. Maybe because it wasn't a sudden death. Maybe because I felt like I already lost her years before. Maybe because I knew she was suffering.

When my grandmother died when I was nine she also died of a degenerative neurological disease (ALS) and I remember feeling the same thing when she died.

I don't know how I'd deal with a sudden death of someone I was close to.

Saying "I'm sorry" is another way of showing sympathy. But it is also a way of showing that you are truly sympathetic towards the person who suffered the lose. It should normally be used when you say it to a friend or someone closer to you like a family member.

You can have a hug too
I just thought of Alice first because we're pretty close PM friends, but you deserve a hug too. Sorry!

I hope you're okay, you know you're not alone, right?