If Aspies know their interests put people off....

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I know this thread will probably get flamed, but I have to ask, if you know your obsessions and interests are partly behind your social difficulties then why do still flaunt them?

I know some of my obsessions are not generaly acceptable, so I keep them only for myself and the very few people who understand me. I have met other aspies who know their obsessions ether bore people, creep them out or just annoy them, yet they carry on like it's ok and moan that they have no social life.

Just a thought.

I honestly don't care if people don't like my interests or if they're not socially acceptable (I don't mean like they're disgusting or perverted, just boring to most people). They're my interests. If that person isn't interested in it and it bores them and they decide not to talk to me because of it, who cares? I probably don't have anything in common with that person, anyhow. I'm not one of those people who moan about not having a social life. It's not really a priority to me. I don't think anyone should stop being interested in something just because people consider it boring. Your own personal interests are way more important to who a person is than how they are socially, IMO.

I learned some years ago that they put people off.
So i pretty much don't talk about them in most social context.
Only about those that border the mainstream interests, do i talk with people who i can somewhat connect with about them.
NT's tend to switch topics they talk about at a crazy speed wich we have a difficult time doing.
It's a pain when your talking about something interesting and they are distracted a few seconds later, so they start talking about something totally random.
I can learn to cope with that and not keep on about the same thing, but i can't say that it feels right to keep switching randomly.

Yes, I agree, but there is a group among us who moan about having "no mates" yet they know this is the reason, thats the group I'm aiming this at in a way.

Good reply though

Amen.

They are the only things I can talk about.
I don't bring them up, but when they come up which my two more accepted do, then I start and then I can't tell when to stop. I would never talk about some of my interests to anyone.

If it's for "mates" then why should you keep a major part of you "to yourself?" You want to be with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are and that means ALL of who you are, and not who they think you should be or what THEY want. Relationships never work if one doesn't accept the other for who and what they are and allow them to be themselves.

It too me until my early forties to find someone who loved and accepted me exactly for who and what I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it came down to not being myself and hiding who I am versus being single the rest of my life, well, then, I'd have been single the rest of my life. But hubby is also a "misfit", so to speak, so he knows exactly what I've dealt with and will continue to deal with. Never be with someone who doesn't truly accept you or who is always complaining about some aspects of you that you just can't help and never hide yourself just to be with someone.

Perhaps they don't do well with small talk, and don't know that much about things the masses find interesting, like sports or celebrity gossip. It's either talk about their obsessions, which they feel confident in their knowledge of, or not talk at all. Not talking at all causes social difficulties as well.

I don't mean to flaunt them.

Why do other people annoy me with their obsessive interests with celebrities and the latest fashion? They know I don't care much about it. Why is it only me?

Part of the problem is thatwhen I was younger, I couldn't always tell that someone wasn't interested and thought that if they only understood the topic in more depth, that they would be interested...When you like something, it is difficult to understnd that anyone could be bored with it.


Even knowing that I don't care about guitars and my BF doesn't care about WP or AS...we each share little bits of our interests because that is what happens to be in our thoughts aat the time. We have learned not to "go on and on" about it...but when it is 90% of what you are thinking/learning about, it can sometimes be the only way to connect.

That said, I also know that I would have only met some of the interestng people I have by talking about my special interests and finding that they are shared by someone else. If we had all just stuck with talking about how much a class sucks or a teacher or some movie star or sports team...I would have never met the interesting people who I shared common interests with.

BTW MY interests just start to slip out. It might be using a scene in a movie to illustrate a point, talking about how a person got where they are(Not actually an interest, but I know a LOT here), electronics, computers, etc.... And if someone doesn't want to listen, hey, **I TRIED**! They can REMAIN ignorant.

BTW, catspurr ALSO forgot about SPORTS!

Interesting, as a "gifted" "girl" is being "discriminated" against because of "sex" and/or because she is "too good", etc..... If someone starts talking to me about THAT moron, they will get an earful! You see, SHE wants to play with BOYS that are SUPPOSEDLY her CHRONOLOGICAL age, and THEY LET HER!

They don't want to lose, and they have to forfeit because the other team won't accept them because they are cheating. She is over a foot taller! Her physical age certainly isn't 12. Her only "gift" is that she is closer to the basket! But people talk like she is some genius or something, and the boys simply don't want to lose to a girl(She is taller than MANY WOMEN!)!

I used to talk about my interests all the time. I would bore my family members to death, in fact. Over the last few years, I began to realise that they weren't interested in the intricate details of an insect's breathing system, or the fluctuation of the distribution of the Comma butterfly.

Unfortunately, I've gone too far the other way. Since I've become so used to shutting up about my interests, I don't talk about them much at all anymore. I need to find a happy medium, so that I can say enough about my interests for people to take a vague interest in my conversation, without boring them or sending them to sleep.

I have learned to keep my interests to myself. I know that most people wouldn't be interested in the same things I like.

miserylovescompany I agree with you, I think for some people though it's extremely hard when your brain is stuck on one subject to NOT talk about it. I've told my Aspie father a million times that share trading is NOT interesting, I even mimick hanging myself when he talks about it. But he won't stop. I think some Aspies don't have enough empathy to even understand the concept that the other person is not interested in that. Because like, if I'M interested in share trading, EVERYONE is because it's the most interesting thing in the universe, duh.

Hodor: I'm just like you, I used to bla bla bla about my obsessions until people couldnt' stand me then I stopped completely. To the point that once I was with a group of actual FANS of one of my obsessions, but I had trained myself out of talking so much that it was hard to talk to THEM! And yes, like you I've gone the other way. I don't want to talk at all in case someone thinks I'm obsessed.

I've been stuck in the same spot as Hodor for a while. For the last few years I've kept my mouth shut in every social situation I've been in. Now I've started to become part of the converation; I just have to wait until people start to talk about something I can talk about. I've pretty much gotten over what people think of me and my interests. That's not to say I don't care what other people think. It's important to care what people think, just not to let that undermine personal integrity.