My Own Mother Thinks I'm a Hateful Person...

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H-Hello there...

I think I've gone much too far with this griping about my father, who's currently in the hospital, recovering from a successful pancreatic cancer removal operation.

Because my mother told me to my face that she will NOT let me go visit him, for 2 reasons; one, that 'you just wanna silently gloat that he's suffering.' (!) And two, 'you'd have an ulterior motive for going...namely, the mall.'

She honestly believes I hate my father with every ounce of my being all the time, and that I only USE him to take me on little shopping errands. I mean, sure, my mom has also done things to anger me, but at least she's easier to forgive, because I have an easier time forgiving women. But what hurt me the most was that she thinks the only time I think kindly of him is when he agrees to do these nice favors for me.

To hear those words coming from her mouth...really saddens me. It's like...she doesn't love me anymore...

And I don't blame her...I'd be VERY disgusted too if my offspring so openly loved one parent, but was indifferent of the other.

What should I do?

Jeffrey

The question is DO you really hate your father? Don't let your mom speak for your feelings.

You have to answer that question yourself.

If not, then is your mother's comment really rational, or is she accusing you of things that haven't crossed your mind? If she is, I would point that out to her, and talk to her about your real motives behind the way you act.

If she won't listen to you, it's her fault, not your's.

Um, what morning_after said.
And prefering one parent over the other is nothing new. I get on with my mother a lot better than my father (in fact, we never really spoke for the best part of 2/3 years until recently). I had a hard time with him while growing up, and there's a part of me that blames and hates him for many things over the years, and always will.

You will generally always prefer one parent over the other, just don't let it get to the point where you only speak to one, and that one ends up being the middle person. You're relationship with your father is between you and him, and nothing your mother says should make a difference to that. (and equally vice versa)

Considering the things you've said about him here, I have to wonder how much more you've said about him in real life.

Well, right now as I speak, my father has been home for less then a day, finally returning after like 14 days in the hospital.

And within only 12 minutes of him getting back home, I handed him his tea from the microwave as he was resting in our recliner...my first helpful deed for him...too bad mom didn't see me do that...it would've convinced her that I'm not TOTALLY hateful.


Do you think it's possible that *gasp* I actually missed him? Yeah, I think that's the case! Man, this is horrible...I care!

Well, right now as I speak, my father has been home for less then a day, finally returning after like 14 days in the hospital.

And within only 12 minutes of him getting back home, I handed him his tea from the microwave as he was resting in our recliner...my first helpful deed for him...too bad mom didn't see me do that...it would've convinced her that I'm not TOTALLY hateful.


Do you think it's possible that *gasp* I actually missed him? Yeah, I think that's the case! Man, this is horrible...I care!

well, now it's been 3 days since Dad came home, and he's been happy with the way I tend to his care when he needs help...even mom has relaxed a bit...and thinks that I've redeemed myself...for now anyway.

right now though, I'm more worried for my mother for a different reason, but I'll start a new thread for that...

see you later,

Usagi1992