AS mom refuses to believe me about my AS

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I recently got formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist working at my campus. My mom (AS/PDD-NOS, like me) insists I'm not AS. She always laughs at me whenever I'm having a problem with something that's autism-related, as if I'm just being overdramatic and making it up.

She says I'm not on the spectrum. She went out of her way to call me early this morning to tell me I don't even have hyperlexia, one of my more prominent traits. I'm getting really sick of this. Anyone have advice? Other than this she's an excellent mom, and I really value her opinion, so I don't know how to handle it. It has me seriously depressed. Like her problems are somehow more real than mine.

Last edited by Aurore on 06 Oct 2008, 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"AS mom". Does that mean she had AS? If so she might know what she's talking about. I've learned a lot of the problems I used to blame on autism were problems an NT could just as easily have.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to accuse you of being a fake aspie. But we must consider all possibilities.

Assuming you're AS, you should show your mom your diagnosis papers.

If you can't resolve the issue in a good way, just let it go. You've probably learned to cope with whatever problems you have by now. Try not to let it damage your relationship. After all, if your mom won't believe you, what don't you have that you had before?

some moms, in their own mind try and protect their children from the difficulties growing up , and in adulthood that they had to suffer.

they avoid the AS description in an attempt to help/save you.

she may be doing this.

Sounds like my dad, only the opposite, he's AS but he's in denial. he says, and I quote "we come from a line of black sheep and we should just get used to it." when i mention him being an aspie.

She may just be in denial about it, or trying to protect you in her own way like donkey mentioned.

I've also seen parents with grown children suffering from the same problems as them trivialize or deny the problems of their child in a sort of morbid "who is worse off/or more ill" type of game. I am hoping I am way off base on that one...because that's one game no one wins from.

I agree with Donkey and Beenthere -
well that is what my experience has been with my family.

She might feel guilty for giving you AS, and therefore unconsciously in denial as a psychological ploy to avoid the pain. Fortunately I don't feel badly about my AS, usually, and so I don't feel badly about giving one of my sons AS. I DO feel badly about giving my daughter autism plus, but I did not realize that until she was over twenty years old, and by then most of the anguish has abated. She has a good life now, but it is very limited by her non-verbal, OCD, bi-polar, ret*d thinking. Fortunately, what I see as limited, she sees as exactly the way she wants it.

Nah, I totally get what you're saying.

Mom has had diagnoses of both AS and PDD-NOS over her lifetime, and identifies with both. As for the problems...the ones I'm talking about having all have to do with my intense sensory issues and stuff like that, not typical for an NT. I tried showing her my diagnosis papers but she didn't care, she said it was 'ridiculous', even though we have almost the exact same symptoms. (In fact people are often creeped out by how similar the two of us are. We even have the same tone of voice.)

I guess I'm gonna just have to deal with it.

must be a terrible feeling for you i can imagine that it must feel like all your suffering and hard times in life are by some feeling like no one knows youv ever been trough

She can't accept the reality of it, I went through this phaze for a while, and my parents whent through a much longer one themselves. I don't know what to suggest but I can say I can relate.

My nan's a little like that. When my cousin was diagnosed first she blamed vaccines and than just assumed that the genetics could be traced back to the girl's father. Now that there are (at least) two in the family with ASD she can no longer rely on that 'excuse'. When I was diagnosed she brushed me off as if I was joking but then backtracked and 'assured' me that "non of this is on /my/ side of the family". I suppose she was trying to imply a coincidence.

Now she's taken back anything negative she's attributed to me that could possible directly or indirectly be in relation to an ASD; apparently I was a pleasant child who spoke well, had no behavioural problems to speak of or developmental delays and who never paced, spaced out, stimmed etc.

Disagreeing with you is not the same as being dismissive or accusing you of being melodramatic. If she acknowledges that you and she have issues in common, it's much more likely she means that yes, you have a diagnosis, but this isn't it. In other words, she's sympathetic, and just thinks something else is going on.

As far as laughing at you is concerned, that's an AS problem, speaking from personal experience. I often laugh at the most inappropriate times, when somebody is telling me something that's deep and important. I have trained myself to apologize when I do and state it's nervous laughter. She is obviously not doing the same, and it may easily be an unconscious habit if she has the same problem.

Searching for and receiving the appropriate diagnosis is hell, not just for the patient, but often for the parents. I have three children, one who is in college dealing with serious AS/SID issues, one who is schizophrenic because of fetal alcohol tendencies (he is adopted), and one who looks like my clone and has (bless his soul) not just my mug but a lot of my personality traits, charming and not so charming. None of my children's diagnoses completely fits them or explain their difficult journeys, and in all cases there was a huge effort to obtain an explanation that really comes close to fitting their situations and find effective ways to help them. Your mother might be fighting the same struggle

That's probably the best explanation I can come up with. Keep your chin up, and keep the faith.

why does she have to believe you have it? why is it so important?

It significantly changes the outcome of her relationship with them, trust me it is important.

Hey dad. Love you too.

Your the luckiest guy ON EARTH to have a mom who doesn't believe you have AS. Seriously, it's a blessing. Don't complain about it.