Snappy Reply

Post Reply New Topic

I haven't told a lot of people about my autism. There are two reasons. If I say I have AS they get a confused look, and don't know what I'm talking about. If I say I'm autistic they get an incredulous look and tell me I can't be because I'm either too smart, I went to college, or I'm married (or all three). I really hate having to defend myself, by going into all the details. So I usually end up saying nothing at all about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions for a reply, or am I just being too sensitive?

Who is this person? Is he/she important to you? If not than you're probably being too sensitive, IMO.

What I normally do in such a situation is quietly comfort myself knowing that they're ignorant and that's that. I don't usually give much heed these days (usually), and it's done me wonders.

Rather than defend yourself, you could try giving examples of successful people on the autistic spectrum - like Temple Grandin. Point out that she has a PhD, and has won an award for her contributions to ethical treatment of animals. Explain to them that there is a lot of ignorance about autism, and in fact, autistic people can be highly intelligent and successful.

I tread carefully concerning this subject, too. The only people with whom I've used the words "autism" or "Asperger's" are family members who are completely on my side, no matter what. There is so much ignorance out there that I just don't want to be translating for people constantly. My whole life has been translation, and I'm tired.

So I've decided to simply use other words when the issue becomes unavoidable. This came up the other night when a parent asked me to do some extra carpooling that entailed getting up very early in the morning, driving a good distance, and then doing it again in the afternoon. Usually, my husband does the morning shift, but he wasn't going to be here and there was no one else to do it. So I did it, and it was okay. However, I had to tell the people that I really couldn't do that all the time. My husband and I discussed it, and I felt so vulnerable about talking about it that he called and explained the situation. He said that I have a neurological disability that causes me to become overloaded when I do too much, that I had just gotten diagnosed, and that we all really need to respect it. The other parent took it seriously and said they'd make alternative arrangements. That was that, with no fallout at all.

I don't have trouble with people knowing I have a neurological disability. It sound serious enough that people don't ask lots of intrusive questions, and there is no particular stigma attached.

At some point, I will get very comfortable saying I have autism or Asperger's and not get hooked into explaining myself when people gasp or argue, but it will take some time. I'm new to all this.

Hope something in this rambling helps....

Your situation sounds familiar to me, neshamaruach. And, don't worry about rambling. But, it still makes me mad to think of myself as having any kind of disability. Although, I know its true in many ways. So I don't think telling someone that I have a neurological disability will make me happy, even though it does sound like it would be an affective phrase to use. I should probably just grow up, but that hasn't happened yet .

All in good time. And no rush!

I know the "disability" word is a source of disagreement around here, but I find it a relief. It was a hard one to accept at first, but it's taken a lot of stress off my back.

My main concern right now is that I not allow myself to get roped into discussions/arguments about AS/autism that exhaust me. People misunderstanding me is a big hook into my explaining myself into exhaustion. Once I learn how to detach, I don't think saying I'm autistic will be so difficult. In fact, I think I will rather enjoy confounding people. ("You? Autistic? But, but, but, you're so smart. And nice. And not drooling...")

But until then, "neurological disability" will have to do. I think of it this way: The minute someone hears the word "neurological" I swear to G-d, their first thought is probably "brain tumor." It's a good conversation stopper, I think.

a lot of people don't know squat about Autism (heck, I'm kinda hazy myself..

Autistic makes them think 'Rain Man', because that's the popular (i.e, well-known) image.

Asperger's is even less well-known. And we don't meet other AS IRL, at least in uncontrolled situations (I just met my first Autistic person in years (PDD-NOS) last night. Heck, I couldn't tell if they hadn't told me first.

Maybe it should be more of a 'privileged information' kind of thing. If someone asks, offer to enlighten them, but if they don't, don't sweat it.

After several abortive attempts lately (hey, I'm new to this too) I have developed a patterned response;

Give them an aspie stare, feel amused about it, and tell them, in a low tone, "I'm WEIRD."

This is a message anyone can understand. It will alleviate all difficulties, or they will go away and leave me alone. If they are not the kind of person I could put up with, they'll do the latter, and it's a good end-result. If they are the kind of person I can tolerate for longer than five minutes, then they'll stick around, probably out of curiosity, then, later, out of real affection. At some point, the subject MAY come up. If it does, wait for the right moment, then POUNCE. Impact is important if you want to get something across, create real comprehension. It's often better to wait for the right moment to convey something like this--the other mind has to be open. That's very, very rare.

Caution; I wouldn't suggest that anyone else try the "weird" thing.

This is why I don't tell people.

*shrug*

agreed