Depressed After Aspie Meeting

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Well, I went to my first Aspie meeting tonight and I think I may regret going. Here's the scoop (and I'll be as brief as possible):

I was diagnosed with Aspie in December of last year as a result of undergoing serious marriage counseling. Initially I went in under the assumption (and prior diagnosis) of ADHD and for help. Through a series of visits the conclusion was that I have ADHD, but that was the lesser of my issues. I was told I have Asperger's.

Anyhow, because of the state of my marriage I decided to visit an Aspie support group. Not to sound mean, but I felt as if I was higher functioning than the fellows who were there. Basically, I felt like I didn't even fit in the group I was supposed to fit in with.

It's sort of depressing because I was hoping to find people who I fit in with, who might be able to offer me substantive support.


Can anyone else relate? If so, how do you cope?

I feel I do not fit in with lot of aspies here because they are lower functioning than me or have worse problems than me or I don't get crap from people and they still do. And here is me and I get treated right and I don't get told I'm rude or weird, etc. Those days ended when I left high school so it was as if I got better over night.


Kids are more direct than adults. But I don't get crap from adults. Maybe it's because I'm a woman some people say.

I felt the same way going to my first meeting. I'm a relatively high functioning aspie (job, car, girlfriend, etc...) and at my first meeting were mostly young males who, honestly, I didn't really 'click' with right away and led by a woman whose major qualification for being the group leader was, basically, not having Asperger's. I was a little bummed out, but I went back for a second meeting, where I found that once I had a chance to sit down and talk one-one-one with them, they were a pretty interesting group. Several live in a group home, and are far from high functioning, but I can still see myself in them in many ways.

So, I'd say give them a couple more chances. Like as not, you'll see different ones than you did last time (few in my group attend EVERY meeting), and even if they can't help you, maybe you can help them. Which will help you too, in the long run.

I have problems dressing normal, realizing proportions, and hearing people talk in anything but syllables so I constantly have to go huh? People normally think I'm gay, quite eccentric, unusually bright, and un-proportionately (super) cute. My hobby's include building, imagining, and working out - diet, teas, and for some reason I still believe "My Little Pony's" was still the best tv show ever even after all these years.

If any of this sounds like you please tell... because we're probably all pretty different.

Note: My mom yelled at me for watching my little ponys probably around 10.



Oh, and I'll possibly go to my first meeting next month. Apparently there's a lot of interesting people there from what I hear.

I understand the feeling. I have High Functioning Autism, but through years of hard work people think that I am now an Aspie - some people don't even believe I have that.
However, I don't want to forget my past. The doctors told my mom that they would probably have to send me to a mental institution because my Autism was really severe. The diagnosis for an Aspie includes an early to average grasp of language, and I didn't speak until I was 4-5. (I'm not quite sure if I count echolalia as speaking.) There are a few other subtle differences that I won't mention because I'm tired, but I still seem like an Aspie. These little differences do make me feel like somebody with Autism though, not an Aspie, and I get frustrated that I don't fit in with both groups. So I know how you feel in a sense.

I'm in the same boat. I've recently decided to join an aspergers support group. Sometimes I do okay but other times it's really awkward. I always have trouble getting a word in because some of the others are extremely opinionated and never stop talking. Other times I lose interest in the topic they're going on and on about. I don't know how to be polite about it. They don't notice if I'm bored/frustrated. At least in my group there are a couple 'higher functioning' aspies that are much easier to talk to. Is this your experience too?

One of big disappointment many people on the spectrum have is finding out that nobody on the spectrum is not alike. We go along for years believing the same media propaganda as everybody does so we expect to find 'kindred' souls at a meeting only to find a bunch of widly differing individuals.

I agree; I don’t get much crap from people. Co-workers do give me a hard time, however it’s done in a fun-loving manner and not a form of ridicule.



One of the guys I actually knew from a local hacker group and I did talk with some of them. I’m just depressed because I was hoping to meet some that I could relate to a bit better—or at least regarding my current situation.

I mentioned to my wife that I probably would find some benefit in the long run just by helping them, so I do see your point on that.



No, sorry.



I don’t think there are any ‘higher functioning’ aspies in this group (at least none tonight). I wouldn’t call them very low functioning, just lower than me. For example, a couple of the guys (in their 30s) were discussing how much they make per hour and I make twice that much—which potential to go higher. It’s not so much that I’m better, just in a position to do better. Again, this only is a problem in that it makes it difficult for me to feel like I am getting support for issues that I face.

Additionally, I was kind of bored with the fellow’s conversation that went on and on about music and what era he like, which years it spanned and so forth. Those just weren’t things that I find all that interesting—I pretty much stick to computers and technology.


I’ll probably go back from time to time, but I’m still feel short some support for meself and that kind of sucks.



I don’t think I was looking for people like me so much as I was people that I felt I could relate to on a certain level. I mean one guy started asking me all kind of questions about being married and what my wife was like. He asked me how I thought an aspie could go about getting married.


Maybe my expectations were too high. I mean after visiting this forum and talking with people, I was pretty excited and it seemed like a let down. What I have come across here is NOT what I came across there tonight.

Same here! I am the kind of person that MIGHT go to a psychiatrist and have him/her say I have NO problem. Some might say I have no problem. I have a good job, get along, moderate my behaviour, and manage my life ok. STILL, my social problems are debilitating, and I AM obsessed by interests, and I just couldn't do certain sports. My way of thinking is different. My perception is different.

Yep same experience here. I found myself in a group full of people that acted like ret*ds, for lack of a better word. Yet my doctors tell me I am high functioning but still very badly Aspie. I guess meaning I have AS big time but function fairly well in public compared to the stereotype.

I think Gary hit the nail on the head. We venture to a AS meeting thinking we will find soulmates/kindred spirits or something. But think about it our highest functioning Aspie comrades become medical specialists, surgeons, physicists and own Microsoft. Do you think such successful people want to let others know they have ASD? Heck no. So that's why you don't find lots of super high functioning Aspies at the meetings. Mainly you find people who are dragged in by their mommies so many times there's no one else at the meeting who will even speak because they are so socially inept.

Well dude I totally feel the same as you. But you gotta admit you are very advanced as an Aspie male just by having a wife. You are light years ahead of most. Even Einstein's marriage was arranged and was his freakin cousin!

You may do better finding a kindred spirit at some hobby group meeting whatever your obsession or interest may be than you ever will at an ASD meeting.

Actually, "nobody on the spectrum is not alike" is not true! In ANY group, people are different. Of course, nobody here is talking about that, but rather that they expect people to be SIMILAR. The DSM DOES claim that! Autism(even HFA) is different, NOTHING gives them limits, except a low end IQ for HFA, or a high end for LFA, but the AS definition spells out LIMITS as to how different people can be!

Perhaps its a problem for all kinds of support groups and not isolated to just ASD groups. My therapist INSISTED I join a NAMI support group because she thought I needed to practice my social skills more. Well I went to the meeting place and was totally creeped out. There was people that looked stoned (probably on antidepressants), people so deeply depressed they were in dirty clothes & couldn't hold a conversation, the building was moldy and just a hang out for ret*ds to come watch tv and get of the street. Forget going there to have intellectually, stimulating conversation with anyone or to participate in any hobby. Apparently support groups aren't for higher functioning people of any kind.

Only the symptoms are similar and most people don't let their symptoms define their personality or behavior.

I have found support groups to be way too organized, and you don't really get to interact with the other people, except for the topics that the facilitators bring up.

I have been to Houston and San Antonio meetups with people from WP, and found those settings to be more up my alley.

Having a wife does NOT mean you are that much better. Even some LFAs have a wife. I don't say this to denigrate anyone/anything, just saying that that shouldn't be used to determine how advanced you are.

As for me, I may not be married, but I wouldn't go on and on about my special interests, and I also wouldn't pursue such questions about marriage. The most I have done is a kind of informal survey. People tend to find their spouse at school, church, or work. Well, I haven't really pursued college, or gone to church, and am in a field where most people were male(that is only now really changing), and worked for smaller companies. That puts me at a disadvantage. My cautiousness and knowledge about potential problems, etc... creates more problems.

Still, I CAN say that Aspies aren't supposed to easily get married.