Slight touch in a crowded area...is this appropriate?

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Hello,

Recently I went to a concert in a bar/lounge setting. It was quite crowded. Not exactly pushing against each other, but crowded enough to have to say "pardon me" a few times to get from one side of the lounge to the other. I was following a friend and got separated. I could see them but there were some people in the way.

A cocktail waitress in a sleeveless dress stepped in front of me, with her back towards me. The opening between her and the other person was half a body's width. I was in a hurry, so I lightly touched her arm at the elbow from behind and said "pardon me please". She did let me thru, but she looked at me as if I were a cop charging her with a crime that she didn't do ("OMG...I didn't do it, I swear")...you know, that surprised and apprehensive look.

My question is, is that appropriate in that context and setting? If not, when is it appropriate?

Sounds appropriate to me. You were trying to follow people and she was in your way, and had room to move.

This happens to me all the time . Except I can't even say pardon me. I just stand there till the person moves. It's quite pitiful.. But yea dude you did nothing wrong.

What would have been inappropriate would have been if you shoved her, as I have done on many occasions.
A slight touch is appropriate. She probably thought you purposely touched her. I worry about that too in a crowd.

possibly she was generally annoyed and just had too much on her mind already.

I would have tapper her on the shoulder, rather than touch her on the arm. Shoulders are less sensitive than arms around the elbows, so people are less likely to be startled. Tapping on the shoulder with one finger is a common way to ask someone to move, while touching the arm can get misinterpreted sometimes. I don't know how or why, I just follow the shoulder-tapping rule, since I know I'll get few negative reactions that way. When I did it, even a tough-looking, alpha-male guy said "sorry, dude" and stepped out of the way.

If the waitress was carrying something, I would probably be better to wait until she moves out of the way. Some people get startled even by a shoulder tap, and if she dropped a tray of drinks, it wouldn't be good. In other cases, a shoulder tap is perfectly acceptable.

If it's accidental, that's fine and sometimes you can't help it.

But the fact that the waitress looked at you the way she did probably means you went over boundaries that she'd rather you hadn't gone over. It would have been better to say "pardon me" (without the touch), without touching which as it turned out she was uncomfortable with. Don't worry about it, just keep that in mind for next time.

Could just be a normal reaction, I personally have reacted with a apprehensive scared look when tapped on the shoulder, etc. Just because I wasn't expected that so was caught off guard, doesn't mean they did anything wrong though.

I don't think you did anything wrong.