Married to your Antithesis?

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Query: Is it likely that my (passive expression) AS has been the defining/stabilizing factor in the longevity of my marriage to someone with BiPolar-I ?

Most people I forum with on the BiPolar Family Support groups express such mood/emotional variance themselves that you woud think THEY are the ones with the Neurochemical Mood Disorder, not their family member.

But then, I can't recognise moods until they are at the Abberant level anyway...

Be nice to get laid once in a while though.

they do say opposites attract. if i had to identify a common characteristic of my ex's (the ones with potential, that is) it would probably be humility/diffidence. it's a quality i try to cultivate these days! perhaps i hoped it would rub off or that you can absorb it in some osmotic way. I think people do seek out qualities they hope to acquire in others as well, as though you can 'learn' those things by being around them.

probably autistic 'blankness' to others emotional states is useful in your situation. there's a kind of 'shrug' in my autism that shields me from such things.

In many ways, I am married to my opposite. We have interests in common but our personalities are opposite in many ways.

It's not working.

Yes, my husband is a schmoozer, which I am definitely not. He is good at finances, which I am not. (I'd be like Sheldon on Big Bang and keep my money in some little figurine.) In some things, I'm good at detailed "maintenance" while he prefers to do something only once. He shrugs off things that exasperate me and vice versa. Fortunately, one of us is capable of being an adult in most situations.

double post

In a way, I guess I am. My husband is social and easy going, everybody likes him and accepts him instantly. He knows instinctively what to do and how to react in most situations.

But he doesn't like lying and he's not shallow - so we also have a lot in common.

I don't know if we are really opposites but my Hubby of 17 years is ADHD and I am an Aspie. He likes to do twenty things at once and I hyperfocus. He has boundless energy and I get really tired just going out to do the shopping. In so many ways we are totally different but we fit together really well. Ones weakness is the others strength. Together we can deal with just about anything, including each other

I'm definitely married to someone who is the antithesis of me.

I'd say it's working...most of the time.

Married in 86...divorced in 91...living together again in 93. Remarried in 95.

Split up for about a year 2007-8.

Each time I have been the one who has said "enough is enough" and pulled the ejection seat handle (and trying to bring/take the kids with me). Never about infidelity, money, etc. Just too much "Aloof independence" on my part, and too much "dependent incompetency" on her part.

When we met (high school) she was Ms Social Butterfly and I was Mr Serious Scholar/Athlete. She could talk the ears off of a dog and can't stand to be alone with herself...and I can go six months in a room full of people, never exchange a word with any of them, and come out smiling.

Lots more to say..but it comes down to this: I've "learned" a lot more from her (social skills/necessities, etc) than she has "learned" (sometimes it's actually good to sit down, shut up, and think things through) from me.

We are generally both madly in love and lust with each other about 21 hours out of the day...but when problems come up, I'm the one who forces the issue (or not, as the case may be).

Now, her family of 12+ bros/sis/parents together: they don't "get" me, and although I very much "get" them (what's not to understand about boring, predictable, stuck-in-your-molds NT's? )...well, I admit: I detest them

Blah blah blah.....it absolutely CAN work, and as much as I know that there is more than one "right" person out there for any given person, and even with all of the strife that has transpired between us from time to time, I know that I am damned lucky to have been with this wonderful woman for all of these years.

As usual, I could run off at the mouth for forever, but I'll sit down and be quiet now...