exhausted from myself?

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do you know the feeling to be cramped, your muscles in tension all the time?
I am German, I hope it is clear what I mean. 'Verspannungen haben' is the German term.
I was at home today all the time, nothing particular happened. I just wanted
to relax, be by miself and recover from social contacts.... but I am nervertheless
feeling under pressure, like I have to concentrate very hard.
Maybe this is like a aftereffect from being under people, like I need more
time to calm down? Or maybe it ist because I hear my neighbour talking
sometimes, and this makes me nervous. I could say I nearly feel aggressive,
I easily lose my temper - I am just feeling bad. But I can't tell the reason,
I have holidays from studying, everything is quite ok....but I have all this
somatic symptoms: my stomach hurts, my head hurts, my muscles are tensed.

Do you know this? Any idea where this might come from? What to do against it

PS: dict.cc gave me the expression in the title, for all literally-takers:
I do not really feel in knots, more like one knot

edit: to symptoms I forgot: to have some feeling of narrowness in my
chest, like I can't breath properly. But this might be a result from
my strained muscles?

One theory I have is, that I am always doing everything very fast,
but it ist like my body cannot follow, like it needs more time -
this may cause the stress I experience.

Last edited by Madlen on 11 Mar 2009, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Feeling "tied up in knots" from stress is the correct expression. This sounds like anxiety (Ängstlichkeit?) to me. You might need to listen to music or other "white noise" to hide the sound of neighbors. Getting out of your apartment may be another way to relax. You can try to take a 5k or 10k walk in the countryside. A last resort if you cant relax is to see a doctor for medicine.

that´s right, music helped me today - but it took long to have the idea to turn it on.
I went to the seaside a few days ago, that was quite relaxing, listening to the
noise of the waves...kind of a vacation for my ears!^^

but it is not nearby - I am new in the town I am living, maybe I have to find out
some nice places to go, I like it in the nature very much, all alone.
But as long as I don`t know where I could go, I feel like stuck at home.

Maybe it is fear....I don`t know why I should have fear? But I feel
in a way 'straitened' from my neighbors, that they could ring or something.

perhaps I need my own planet to relax sometimes - completely lonesome
and 'reizarm' - I mean 'free from any sensory stimuli'

maybe I just need more time alone - after 48h being completely alone, I start to feel better....thats such a crap: I like meeting people, but I have such low batteries for it..I think this might even get worse, when I was younger I hat greater capacities.

I think that I am also producing a lot of stress for myself,
I do control myself really hard to do everything in the
right way - sort of compulsive. I am worried all the time
that I could forget something or that I do something wrong.
This makes me 'functional' very much, but it seems that
I can't 'power down', that I am nearly unable to relax and enjoy the moment,
I am always thinking:'What has to be done next?'

I am not listening to myself: what do I WANNA do?
but I am thinking: 'what has to be done?' I am
cut off from my feeling, acting like a marionette.

now the expression 'to be tied up in knots' makes sense:

I like the illustration, Madlen, I understand how being 'tied up' feels. Is it one of your own drawing, by the way?

Maybe repetetive movement would help get your attention from your thinking into your body. I was going to suggest walking but Mudboy beat me to it
Do you swim? I go swimming when I feel like that, which helps me get away from my head for a while.
Perhaps meditation would help too.

And just breathe in and relax. And the drawing really depicts me!

yeah. cool drawing.
my AS specialist has me doing diaphragmatic breathing several times a day - to reduce anxiety and to help reduce stims.
he also has me using an ipod so i fill mymind with music i love.
He also has me addressing the sensory integration dysfunction - earplugs and sunglasses and hat and sunglasses inside if if want to.

the change in me is phenomenal.
the other thing he said was that AS people NEED TO REST after social contact. it takes A LOT out of us because we have to process so much information that others absorb and comprehend intuitively.

I am sure there are instructions for diaphragmatic breathing on the net.

good luck.

oh - and do exercise.

Thank you folks, your answers helped me. I did a lot of extra posting, because I get no answers in the first place - but this thing really bothers me. I think you are right, it is a problem with groundedness - with body-contact. I am very interested in buddhistic philosophy, i tried medidation, but I have difficulties to start it and keep with it, because I can't even sit still and listen to music. I have seen some kind of 'aspie-jackets' with weights in it, to feel your own body better, a little bit like a portable squeezing machine (by Temple Grandin)

The drawing is unfortunately not from me, I should have added a source-URL. I googled for 'marionette' because I kind of get fascinated from this picture in my head. It discribes pretty acurate how I feel these days. Another one I found I wanna show you - this one is funny because in Germany we use the expression 'eNTe' for NTs - ente means duck in German. And because of all the small-talk-quacking I find it very properly - and as I am only a 'scripted-NT' this duck-marionette fits well:

(http://www.nunon.de/images/produkt_toys ... _51969.jpg)

I am at a workout studio, but I have to admit, not regularly. And occasionly I do jogging -but there is also the problem of self discipline, but I try to fight it. Yeah, this breathing thing sounds interesting, as I have problems with proper breathing (too flat etc.).


I know there have been other times - maybe it is all the changes going on (another city, another university, another flat) that stresses me and I need time to get used to. Sometimes I am feeling myself better and sometimes I feel totally in harmony with the world, like I only have to follow my intuition and all 'flows'.

Maybe to my limited body contact my constant stimming at my ears (I touch, squeeze and stroke them) is related to that, I hate me doing that, because I do it all the time and I hate it, it sometimes hurts my ears and I cannot stop it.

This quote I found in the article on wikipedia about diaphragmatic breathing':

'One thing to note is that for some, the diaphragm is dysfunctional, in which case one should focus on slow inhalation and exhalation (through the nose and pursed lips).

During stress and anger, we tend to inhale and hold our breath. The most significant, therapeutic aspect of this breathing is the exhalation---which is at least two times the length of the inhalation. The exhalation alerts the body that it can relax and resume essential body functions and not remain in a state of fight or flight.'

Maybe I am in this Fight/Flight-Mode all the time?

Maybe, and I think it can become a cycle, you feel stress, so your breathing goes faster and shallower, which puts your body on 'alert' so it's harder to relax.

This might be helpful :-
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_ ... coping.htm

Also, I read an article about stress which said that becoming absorbed in something we enjoy, a hobby for example, is very stress-busting.
This seemed counter-intuitive to me at first because I sometimes get on the treadmill of having lots of things I have to do, getting stressed about it, thinking I'll be able to relax when I've done xyz...but it works the other way around - I leave everything I 'should' be doing, go for a walk in the park or do some painting or another hobby, then when I feel more relaxed, everything I was stressed about having to do seems so much easier. Things just 'flow'.

millie said

It must be great to be talk to a professional who understands what it's like to have AS. Social contact can be truly exhausting. All that quack, quack quack, hehe, I like the duck analogy.