Do you ever question being yourself?

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If I have one emotional issue in life now it's that I'm scared of being myself. From my point of view being myself/happy has only lead down a negative path upsetting family:Mom calling me a rude b***h etc. Friends=I have no social life. Students=They don't WANT to become my friend teachers=I upset my Psychology teacher in College Coworkers=the topic of sexual harassment got brought up almost getting me fired. and Bosses= go do this or that.

Overall I feel being happy and myself has just lead to upsetting people. Of course I kind of don't agree in trying to change because then you are forcing yourself to be someone you're not which is in turn depressing (you are putting on a mask holding back a tear for WHAT?) (sure to keep that job/college/family/relationship etc. happy) but what's the point if YOU ARE NOT HAPPY?


I'm hoping some people on WP can see where I'm coming from and can give some tips since I'm at a crossroads in life. I made a mistake and I was suspended from College and while yes I did wrong need to learn from it etc. Overall I view my behavior there as me just being myself and happy and with the suspension I've since now questioned my own happiness.

I have been struggling with figuring out who the real ME is for quite a long time too.
When I'm high, I'm Dopey!
When I'm drunk, I'm Grumpy!
When I'm not on my Prozac, I'm a mean, passive aggressive @$$hole that nobody likes or wants to be around.

But when I'm on the Prozac, I'm caring, empathetic, passionate, and all of the good Dwarfs!

So, what is the real me? Does it matter?

I'm reasonably happy with myself now.

And in the end, I think that's what's really important, Zeldapsychology,

Every day I deal with this. I want to live an authentic life. But now I'm uncertain as to who I am or what I want out of life. My current working situation isn't helping either.

Hi there, Don't be afraid of being yourself. I too had horrable meltdowns, heck I had one today because I couldn't find my state card. LOL Medication Will help, promise. And fineing new alternative to release your emotions, even Art helps. Trust me, not everyone understands me either. My Humor is a lot based on Aspie Stress. I made a joke about dark depression and suicide on public access and someone was consern, It was just humor because like all Aspies, we feel extreme emotions, I express my emotions through humor and art but never taking any kind of self-harm action at all.

I too questioned myself and found more info on myself. I'm not only Aspie but I now identify in the gender of Androgyne and attracted to Masculine Women.

Never fear being yourself, you just need to look for your kind of people. LIKE US! We are all Aspies, we all suffer extreme emotions and meltdowns from time to time. There are plenty of Aspies out there. It's in the matter of searching. Lots of them go to College. That's where I meet my Aspie friends.

Sometimes I even chat with people from Wrong Planet on the phone.

But anyways, we totally understand you. People in this world aren't going to fully understand us but remember, IT'S NOT OUR FAULT! We can't see social cues or think of peoples reactions! We can't sence it, if we try to, it get's us OVERWELMED because we don't have that ability!


Don't fear being yourself. Be happy. If your humor or whatnot offends people, find people online and share it with them. MY interest is Humor actually, so feel free to email me ericcrooks@sbcglobal.net LOL _Eric

I understand you completely zeldapsychology, the only difference is I've felt this way my entire life. Currently I am undergoing therapy and focusing on this particular theme. Medication has helped and I think speaking to someone who understands you will help you as well.

Constantly.

I really don't know who I am anymore. I figured out by puberty that my species didn't accept me for who I was. I made a decision to become someone the rest of the species would accept. I learned how to fake eye contact. I learned slowly how to converse. To ease the transition I used various substances (alcohol, marijuana, LSD, methamphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc)....it worked especially well if everyone around me was more messed up than I was. Then I decided to give up the substances and work really hard to function like a normal person. My whole life became a total sham. I felt like I was constantly lying to people, constantly "acting" and always panicking that I'd freeze up and forget my lines. I was faking eye contact....faking small talk. I got a job as a bartender in college to just so I could watch people as they socialized to learn from them....learn how they interacted with each other, practice my small talk on the drunk people.....so my bartending job became like another class.

I still felt like a fraud. My whole life was centered around pretending to be normal. I had to play out situations in my mind constantly. I got pretty good at faking it....so good that I didn't feel like I could ever stop.

But living like that completely exhausted me, mentally and physically. The harder I tried...the more meltdowns and shutdowns I'd have. I would sink into these funks where I had no energy, no motivation, slept for days straight, and just felt like dying wouldn't be such a bad thing. Then the opposite would happen....I wouldn't sleep for days, my mind would race, I'd behave recklessly and impulsively....In addition to being autistic and a total fraud....I'm also bipolar.

So between the pretending to be normal, the depression, and the mania...I don't know who the hell I am anymore.

ive stopped caring about myself aswell, why im just a doer in life with no regrets now