Sort of Frightening

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I have been reading the posts by Aspie men in this forum, and I would like to make a comment.

First of all, it is understandable that you all want to come to Wrong Planet and vent about your frustrations. It is a given, that socializing and dating present some of the biggest challenges to people on the spectrum.

That being said, it really makes me cringe when males on here call Aspie women unpleasant names, accuse us of having ridiculously high standards, or of playing games, or being standoffish. And it actually frightens me when the posts sound hostile, even violent. When I start out reading a post, my first reaction is usually sympathy, because I understand loneliness. But when the poster then generalizes women into unflattering categories, calls us names, and dismisses us as not worth bothering with, it is very unpleasant. And my sympathy vanishes and I wonder who would want to even respond to this person, for fear of getting flamed, insulted, or downright disrespected?

I feel your pain. But, speaking for myself, if I were actively looking for someone on the spectrum to date, I would be afraid of someone who is fairly oozing with bitterness, suspicion, and hostility. I know that a lot of us are systemizers, but to lump all women into nasty categories labeled by unpleasant names, is a bit much!

I will admit that confidence turns me on. A man who is straightforward, honest, and respectful, will get my interest. A man who behaves like he is entitled, because he is frustrated, is frightening. In my younger years, I dated guys like this, and placed myself in extremely dangerous situations. Being unable to read the signs that signal a dangerously unbalanced man, makes me extremely cautious about who I hook up with. That is not being flaky, or being a tease, or whatever.

In closing, please let me encourage you to work on self confidence, treating others the way you would like to be treated, and practicing common courtesy. These things will get you a lot further than frightening people, especially women.

I think most people would be frustrated and bitter if they were in my position. I don’t think I am more inherently evil than anybody else, I’m just tired of being rejected over things I have no control over.

Yes, I learned women like confident men, but I am not confident anymore. I have no reason to be confident because my life has been nothing but one rejection after another, not just in the dating scene, but every scene. I apologize if I come off as angry and bitter, but I feel as if this board at least helps me vent out some of my anger

That's why I am patient, and wait for women to find me. That way I don't expect anything, and I'm just happy that they are interested in me, for being me, without me having to chase them around until they 'surrender'.

LOL, I was about to make a post asking if there was another dating forum.

You guys, I know most of you have been rejected...so have I maybe we deal with it differently but the name calling really is getting out of hand. I don't know but would you like it if someone were to call you names based on your diagnoses, race, sexual orientation, or gender?

You probably going to say but I have, I don't think that's a good enough excuse though to keep this up. I'm not saying you can't do it because you are...not all of you. In fact, I've met some really nice single guys here who don't come off like that. But it does make it hard for me to even want to post anymore in this thread. When I first joined I thought this was about how to handle aspects in this complicated norms we call dating. But it feels more like a forum where WE..as in females get blamed for everything. Not all of you guys, just most of the threads I've seen here so far. I don't think it's fair to most of us who are also having trouble in the love and dating department and it does get intense here to the point where I'd rather debate in the PPR forum.

Anyway, I wish some of you guys would at least have some respect for the other gender who is a member of this forum as well. A couple of threads I saw today came off very bigoted and hateful. Try to at least look at some of this in our perspective and see if you can get an inkling of how it would feel.

Actually, I blame BOTH genders. Men are just as responsible, if not more so, for promoting the kind of BS which makes it difficult for an Aspie guy to get a date. There are even a few guys on this forum who promote it, whether they know it or not...

^^^ In what ways? I'm curious.

I blame the guys for not trying to be good team players. I think guys are more often than not very bad listeners and women are too quiet about their wants, needs, and preferences.

to be bitter is human. to rise above it though, takes more.
namecalling? uncalled-for. blaming? also uncalled-for. male, female, whatever.
kindly addressing concerns about the above? very much appreciated, thankyou

Finally, a place I can express what I feel. As an NT woman who has tried her hardest to understand her Aspie, I'm really offended by the hostility and bitterness that surrounds the males here. I can understand the feelings of rejection and sadness that follows, we have all felt it. The name calling and lumping all women into a category of being evil is going over the top.

Should I base opinion of all Aspie's on the one person I've dealt with? I am constantly in tears and frustrated by the things he does or doesn't do. Most of it being communication or lack of it. I wonder if this worth the pain I put myself through. Should I assume that all of you would treat a woman the same way?

You guys need to lighten up and lower your expectations a bit and realize that each person is unique and different and deal with women as individuals not as a collective. If one woman hurts you then blame the ONE woman, not all of us. That kind of attitude is not attractive at all.