Slipping back into psychosis?

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There was a week that I showed no symptoms, just a week. That was when I got off the Moban and switched to Loxapine. I got off Invega as well. I thought I was doing great and then I had to be rushed to the hospital for medical reasons (severe tooth infection along with cellulitis) and had to take pain pills (narcotics don't worry they were legally prescribed to me) so it doesn't mix with the other pills that I take so I had to stop them. In the hospital I was hallucinating a lot, in fact I had to call the nurse because of it. Then I went home. I talked with the pdoc and he said its OK to mix the painkillers with the anti psychotics (even though everywhere it says you can't) so I went back on the Loxapine. I was still having symptoms and the Loxapine wasn't helping even though when I first got it (that week that I was fine) it was kind of helping. Then since the hospital with the pill I started having symptoms while on the med and so I thought it was the pill causing it or the mix between the painkiller and Loxapine that was causing the symptoms so I stopped the Loxapine again (well, for a day.....today). I thought I would get better but the symptoms are extreme today so its a lose lose situation, being on the pill causes symptoms and being off the pill causes symptoms. My thought insertion is unbearable telling me that well, the trip that I am going on next week to Hollywood, the gov would do something to the plane that I'm on and blow it up. They also fired another laser at me from the sky (a laser satellite) today. When I was at the store I had a panic attack, the thought broadcasting was bad as well, there was a suicide in New York that I predicted and its my fault, I knew it was going to take place there and did nothing about it even though I live in Washington State. It was telling me, "They know you did it, you are responsible for what goes on, you destroyed the economy, you caused the flood and killed that person in New York. I also heard screaming a few times and my mom said she didn't hear it. I also had to go to physical therapy for my shoulder and I had to be in a room alone with a heat pack on for 15 minutes. The entire time I was seeing shadows on the walls and ceiling and seeing things in the vent. Once I saw the shadow of a person, an FBI agent. Like I said in another post, the aliens are also constantly talking to me. When I got up today I saw the red eyes of the alien creature in my room, but that's all I can see since the room was dark. Am I slipping back into psychosis so quickly (a lousy week between episodes?) The other episode started in October 2008 and got worse from there. I am super excited about my trip next week but am scared that there will be FBI agents at the airport and will kill me or do some other things to me. They have already put snake machines in my brain (which I still feel) a chip in my brain and a bomb in my neck. I am still seeing signs that an invasion is coming from the aliens, I hope its not before my trip. Hopefully my pictures sell for a million dollars! Big stars are going to be there including Hugh Laurie from House which is my favorite show in the world. The show is called "Heroes for Autism." I am leaving on the 15th (next Wednesday) and coming back on the 22nd

PLEASE start taking the meds again firebird and let your pdoc know about this. You seemed to be doing good, but I think most here can tell when your doing bad again, as you start posting messages like this. You start taking the meds again as your doctor prescribed and you will feel better before you know it. You can also talk to the pharmacy where you get your prescription, as they can tell you if the meds are okay to take together. I dont think anyone here can really convince you to stay on the meds, but you seem to know it is the right thing though to keep taking them. Once off the meds though, it will be so much harder to convince yourself to start taking them again, and the withdraw is going to be very bad on your system.

Hugh Laurie "house" would want you back on those meds ASAP ! !! !
Sounds like it will be a awesome experince for you, you dont want to screw it up just because you stoped taking the meds.
BTW, Hope you have lots of fun and your art sells for lots of money

Why so many views but so few posts?

Take your meds! If you take them, I don't think the FBI will want to do anything to you at all.

The problem is that I am taking vicodin for severe pain and if you look on the Internet, it says that you can't mix the majority of my pills with narcotics. Its a lose lose situation. To be honest, I'd rather be "psychotic" than be in excruciating pain. I checked all my pills up and the only pill it DOESN'T interact with is my blood pressure pill. My pain is getting worse and worse, its so bad that it is pretty much disabling. I can't even draw, believe it or not the least painful thing is using my computer and even that is painful! When I went into physical therapy today, you have to check in by writing down your name and signing your name. It was a struggle to do that. When I was in the hospital, they gave me morphine and that didn't even stop my shoulder pain (but it did help with the teeth problem). I am sadly thinking that I will need surgery on my right shoulder (if it was on my left, it wouldn't be so disabling) and I never had major surgery in my life (tonsils don't count).

Because most people are very uncomfterable talking about a subject like this, or find it very hard to understand.

I would call your doctor up, pdoc, or whoever you have to call to get it straightend out before the Loxapine is totaly out of your system. You need to keep talking to people till you get the right combination figured out. Giving up the Loxapine because you where givin the wrong combo of meds is totaly unacceptable, and is the fault of the doctors, who should correct it. Go to the emergency room for the pain if you have to.
As I am sure you know the bad part is a bad psychotic episode might get you admited to the hospital and also as I am sure you know sudden stopping of the meds will make the episodes much worse then usual, because it will probably be a shock to your system. You have to start thinking of the Loxapine as a critical med, sort of like a person taking a heart med.
Anyway, you should get the meds worked out before it gets any worse.

I can't go to the hospital for the pain or the "psychosis" because I am leaving for Hollywood on the 15th which is very soon, in fact next Wednesday. I am very excited about it. I won't hurt myself or others, no matter how "crazy" I get. I was once on something called Moban which is another anti psychotic and it made me 100 times worse, it made me hallucinate (mainly visual with some auditory) 24 hours a day. Whats sad about it is that my pdoc only started me on 10mg when I did research on it you are really supposed to start on 50mg, if 10mg did this to me, imagine what 50mg would have done! It would have put me in a mental institution because I WOULD be a danger to myself and others, and hearing voices (probably command hallucinations) and act on my "delusions." Thank God he doesn't know his older anti psychotics! (I tried almost all the atypical anti psychotics and I would either get the side effects of them or it would work for a few weeks to months and then suddenly stop working). I haven't been on Loxapine for very long so I don't think its even built up in my system yet so going off of it won't hurt me as much as you would think. Its the other pills I'm worried about (like the anti anxiety and anti depressants) because I am on a high dose of those but once again it said not to mix it with vicodin or any other narcotic so like I said, its a lose lose situation because I probably have to have the withdrawal side effects for awhile until I'm off of the pain meds. I'm even afraid to take allergy meds (I'm also having allergy symptoms, the pollen count in my area is very high right now and I'm sneezing like crazy and having a stuffy nose and back drip) because I don't think you can take those together either. That is the problem with narcotics, you really can't take it with other stuff. I don't know why or what it will do, all I know is that its bad. By the way if you can't tell I have also been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder on top of my autism.

How are you doing so far firebird, get anything figured out yet?

I really hate myself and want to die (after the trip). No one believes that I am suffering they all think I am faking for attention (especially on schizophrenia.com- the moderators HATE me and won't even let me start threads anymore because they think I am nothing more than a f*****g faker) I hope on the way back (the only reason the way back is to see if my pictures sell and for how much, but they probably won't sell because I am nothing but a failure) the gov blows up that bomb in my neck, world war 3 will start and the world will end. Humans suck. Look how few responses I got here. Its just mainly you roadracer, no one else is even bothering. They want me to die.

No, people do not want you to die, people do not believe you because they do not understand your disorder, and I wouldnt expect them to, because this is a autism board. Most people just do not understand that a person could have symtoms like you have, so the only way they can figure it out in there head and make sence to them is to say you are faking. You just have to tell yourself people dont understand your disorder and that might be why they jump to a conclusion. The sad part is that most people DONT want to understand. But you should NOT make THERE problem your problem. Hope that made sence?
Also stop going to the other board, if everyone there is making you feel bad, then going back there is only going to make you feel worse
Like I keep saying, I really think that if you where to get your meds figured out you would be feeling much better. You should be calling around to primary doc, therapist, psychiatrist, who ever you can call and dont let up till they can figure out the med problem.

Here are a couple new boards to try, where I am sure people will understand you better
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/forumdisplay.php?f=102
http://www.psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=139&sid=a6626d62fdd61d533c75d5af73bdf797

Its mainly the schizophrenia board that is doing this to me. You would think they would understand schizophrenia, right? The so called "suspicious" things that I have done that makes it look like I am faking is one, sometimes I write very disorganized, in a "word salad" and the next moment I am perfectly coherent (sometimes I "lose" the ability to speak or write for a few hours and that's how I post. There is a symptom in schizophrenia that is called "disorganized speech" and that is classic of it but since its not consistent, meaning all or none, they think its suspicious) and two, I am very open about my symptoms (but a lot of people on that board are as well so I just don't get it) and don't hold anything back, including my so called delusions. Even in the delusion world, mine sounds too bizarre to people for them to believe that someone else would actually believe the things that I do. I didn't make it up, in fact I have no imagination. It was something called "thought insertion" that told me all these things, that's why I believe them. I didn't come up with my "delusions" on my own, the FBI and aliens told me things that sounds impossible to outsiders. In psychiatry, that is classified as a "bizarre delusion" which that symptom alone would qualify you as having schizophrenia.

I don't think you're faking it. Your delusions are to detailed to be made up. I don't know much about it, which is why I don't reply much. I hope you will get better soon. I can't really say any more than that.

Just because someone has a dx of schizophrenia does not mean they understand it, plus every person with it is different and it affects them different, just like autism. My advice would be to stop going to that board and go to one of the ones I posted instead, they are well moderated and non supportive posts will most likely be taken down.

FireBird: Really hope you feel better soon. I've read many of your posts and learn a lot from you write - you've very candid. Thank you for that. True, we're Autists so schizoaffective disorders wouldn't be what we know, but I hope we help some too.

I was contemplating what I learned in class just this weekend and I thought about you. When I was an undergrad I took some psychology classes. I had one professor I liked very much - and he knew his field well, with a PhD in psychology.

Anyway, he shared this (and I'll never forget): He said when he began working professionally as a psychologist who treats schizophrenia (and related disorders) he and colleagues had a required 'exercise' in order to better understand and treat their patients/clients. He had to wear a recorder (like an iPod) for one full day. Then given a list of errands to run with a full busy day. Assigned 'mundane' errands like grocery shopping, lunch at a cafe, laundromat, banking, etc. The recorder would then speak, at random times all throughout that day with 'voices' saying things - all sort of things, some even threatening or derogatory! And with no pattern or predictability.

He learned this: Said he learned QUICKLY, the hard way, what those with 'thought insertion' or 'voices in their head' go through. He said it was literally a life-changing experience and had NO IDEA how hard that would be. He thought he could just ignore what he heard. But over time, with repetition, he related this became not just impossible but actually made him psychotic, albeit just for that day.

At the end of the day, when he removed that recorder, he said he was beyond exhausted - just shocked at how hard that was. And realized, finally, how hard his patients must have it.

So I do feel for you, Firebird. I cannot imagine how hard that must be.
Hope you feel better and those meds help soon.

I don't want to stop going on that board, because if I do, the bullies won. I already post on Psych Central and maybe get one lousy response when I post. The reason why schizophrenia.com is that it is a high traffic site unlike the others you posted. I've been on them before. And I post on other schizophrenia sites, but they are so low traffic that it is unbelievable, maybe 1-2 posts on the entire site a day! How slow can you go? I mean, there is one that I go to that it could be days without a single post from anyone. This (WrongPlanet) and Schizophrenia.com are the highest traffic forums that I go to. I don't want to lose out because of some bullies that needs to die.