Shy and avoidant even online.

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I've a feeling I'm going to be alone on this (no pun intended).

I feel I'm so socially inept, bad at small talk and shy that I'm scared of talking to people even online.

Forums are different - There's always one or two particular topics of conversation in any thread, your not communicating with one person in particular and everyone seems no more than one-dimensional names on a screen - It's anonymous and nonthreatening, easily be terminated if needs be. There's just something safe about the whole affair that's lacking in one-to-one conversations online. Talking to one person in particular makes me feel trapped and locked-in to the conversation, panicking for something to say. I can't back out of them without it looking bad, so I avoid them.

But here's the problem - I crave one-to-one connections. While I'm usually happy enough alone, there are times when I just want someone who I can bond with. There have been small forums I've been on for years, but have never made any close friends through. I've tried these dating sites, gotten messages and ignored them because I don't know how to respond.

I don't want to be completely alone, but I'm terrified of other people. Lose-lose situation.

WOW! Shall we make a club together? It could just be me writing the text above me, with some adjustments but anyway!

I agree with you there. Almost everytime I turn on my laptop I sign myself off MSN straight away so noone says hi, unless I have alot to say and once I've said it all I sign off again.

I do this too.

this isn't really my post.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 28 Apr 2009, 3:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I totally know what you mean. I feel the same as you. Threads are easy to deal with but, sometimes, when someone responds to me, I don't know how to respond back unless it's about information of some kind or dissent. Some people are good at witty small talk, but, I don't think I am. They seem to know what to say or write and people respond well to it and when I try to do the same thing people look confused or surprised. Maybe they think I am not capable of such wit and it surprises them into silence?
It's hard for me to get close to anyone outside my immediate family.

If you prefer having one-to-one conversations (I know I do, I find it a lot easier than trying to talk to several people at once, which can seem overwhelming sometimes) then chat sites like Omegle or anicechat can be fun. Omegle basically finds you a complete stranger to chat with, no registration, no usernames so its all completely anonymous, and it can be useful for developing conversation skills, as well as being fun for simply talking nonsense to complete strangers =)

maybe it's better to be terrified- at least you don't make a fool of yourself every time you try to have a conversation :p

I don't know social rules well and I no longer care about them, plus I'm not really shy so I bet I come off as extremely strange when I approach people.

I feel I'm so socially inept, bad at small talk and shy that I'm scared of talking to people even online.

I have the same problem, I have tonnes of people trying to IM me and I have to make up excuses to use PM

But here's the problem - I crave one-to-one connections. While I'm usually happy enough alone, there are times when I just want someone who I can bond with. There have been small forums I've been on for years, but have never made any close friends through. I've tried these dating sites, gotten messages and ignored them because I don't know how to respond.

Mhh. This might be strange, but bear with me. If your not good at small talking, find someone who doesn't small talk, and only talks about the "major topics", such as religion, depression, politics, love, all that. Excuse my prejudiced thinking, but join a goth-orientated site, they tend to be very good at this type of convo

It's also strange in that I prefer one-to-one convos in real life, but online it's the complete opposite!

Hehe, well maybe its logical to prefer one on one conversations with IRL friends to strangers on the internet. But, I don't know, sometimes I feel it's a lot more liberating to talk to anonymous online strangers, behind the safe mask of anonymity the internet provides; I feel I can say things online that my real-life friends would either not understand or not be interested in.

nothingunusual,
am made a thread that has similar..ish issues to this [similar in that it's autism or as related difficulties affecting forum use],on the members board quite recently.
though am not aware or bothered of people in the same way,am can relate with having problems using forums/IMs,and can see from this thread,at least,are not alone!



>to both

and
-What about setting it so that MSN does not automatically start upon turning on the computer,and have to choose to start it?
-to do that,go to:
[start]
all programs>accessories>run>
type: msconfig -and ok it.
>go to the [startup] tab
>look for 'Messenger' in the list,and untick it.
>click apply.

-it'll either ask to restart then,or it will be changed for the next boot up,cant remember which,am did it for a support staffs laptop, whos daughter had left just about every IM automatically logged in on boot up.
-It just stops MSN from booting automatically,so its up to self whether to use it or not.

nothingunusual

Me too. I have social phobia. In IRL it doesnt work at all so the internet is the best way I have a chance to socialisation but Im shy here too...



Yes but its also very public and with that thought I always limit myself in what I say knowing that all kinds of people can see what I feel and think.



yeah me too and when I have those missing-someone-moments its hard to be me, because I know that I have to work myself up to get those friendly moments and I cant just get it out of nothing when I need it...



Indeed and its sometimes a hopeless, depressing and lonely feeling. The worst is those moments when I miss to have a friend IRL...that is just a pure dream


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo


Yeah same with me. Here on this forum I like to talk but sometimes I can feel Im talking to myself when walking around some random topics. But I dont feel alone here when I enter a topic with a theme I can relate to, and then reply too, like this one. The best is to see my posts gets quoted because when someone recognise themselves in what I say!

I have the same problem. This is going to sound strange but I feel as if at some time in my past I had a one-to-one connection where I was happy and am seeking out that connection again, but in fact if I think about it, I have never had such a connection with anyone for more than a few seconds. It’s like missing something you never really had. It doesn’t make sense. If anyone has any idea how that is possible please let me know.

Me too. I was diagnosed with social phobia/anxiety before AS. I wonder which one is the main culprit? I think both have a part to play, but one of them must be a bigger reason for these feelings than the other. I guess the AS makes it hard to communicate to people and the phobia/anxiety is an outcome of that. Both might exacerbate the other.



Same. The idea that I'm missing out on real life, deep and meaningful connection is even worse.




I completely relate to this. The feeling of mourning something you've never even had is something I've thought about alot. It's such a strange notion, but one I understand. When you see others experiencing happiness from their connections you can't help but feel like your missing out on something.

I do all that and MORE - I also set it so that if and when I do sign in, I do so as "invisible" or "appear offline"