Have You Ever Been at a Pinnacle In Life?

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While I look back in the past, I notice that I have never had a cushion. There was never a point in my life that I didn't have something I was concerned with. I have never had a happy life. I have always endured something. I've always had a burden to deal with.


What about you?

I can't say that there's been any perfect times in my life, but 07 was certainly the best year.

I had a good friend for the first half, and a good job in the second. (not at the same time though; unemployed in the first half, friendless in the second) My energy levels were somewhat low, but I had no major health problems.

I was also incredibly angry and more than a bit crazy... Yeah, the criteria for the 'best year' are pretty low.



Now, HORRIBLE headaches, insomnia, falling asleep uncontrollably several times a day, unable to think well, rarely ever get to see friends, and unemployed with no prospects or even hope of keeping a job if I somehow manage to convince someone to hire me.

I know I should go back on disability, but I don't know how to make it with as little as disability is without going back to the parent's house. For example, rent alone in my 1 bedroom apartment would eat up the entire check, without having anything for utilities or even food left over.

And I don't want my 7 years in college and advanced degree to go to waste... but my brain isn't letting me study at all (or do much else, for that matter) these days.

Until I was 27 I thought that I would defeat my problems and become a supe stud.....then I realized that wasn't going to happen and became bitter (at first I wrote butter, not quite appropriate).

im either doing really well, or real crappy. i should be happy about moving this friday but im not. whats gonna happen? im gonna go back to living a mere existance with nothing exept my fire agates and sportscards, why in the world was i made for? not that im going to kill myself or anything but death isnt looking so bad

I don't think anyone has perfect pinnacles like that. Unless maybe they first fall in love or something...I don't know.

December 2007. I was a shift supervisor/ driver for Papa John's. I was making great money, had friends and was enjoying life. 3 months later, it was all gone.

I've always had a burden too, sometimes i just feel like "nothing goes right" but I know it's not exactly like that, although sometimes it feels that way. I just try to keep truckin, it's difficult, but I try.

That is the way to do it. For probably 99.9% of people, if you have no burdens, you let your guard down and the burdens soon return. Life isn't meant to be carefree. Burdens are minimized by perpetually grinding it out, and being prepared for adversity as close to 100% of the time as humanly possible. Maintaining equilibrium, mentally and externally in one's life, is like walking a tightrope.

And I don't even mean for this to sound bleak. I try my best to embrace the fight, I absorb the emotions that come with it and view it as feeling truly "alive". Instead of getting downtrodden over the perpetual hardships in life, derive strength and confidence from each and every one you conquer. Of course it gets nasty out there and it's impossible to keep this optimism 100% of the time, but that's part of the process of stabilizing oneself in the aforementioned balancing act.

I can't even remember where I heard this but somewhere I read a theory/interpretation of life and well-being that said, in short, that true carefree happiness is like a place to be visited, not a place to live. If you strive to "live" there, you will almost certainly not have the motivation to achieve it, and will eventually get depressed over your perceived misfortunes and failures (which in reality are just perfectly normal tribulations of life). I believe the actual number they determined as an optimal amount of your time to spend in your "happy place", whatever that may be, was 10%.

In other words, if you kick ass and take care of business without hesitation 90% of the time, in the remaining 10% you will have very few significant concerns that will bring down the quality of your time, and that, plus the knowledge that you truly "earned it", will maximize the joy and fulfillment you get from that 10%.

I admit, I still can't do it consistently at 90% (sometimes not even close ), but that is what I'm striving for, and once I get there I hope I don't let down my guard.