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Solidess
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02 Jul 2006, 4:52 am

Hey.

At what point is depression a serious matter? Does it have to be when you stop eating or sleeping and doing your activities, or can it start to be serious before it even gets this bad?

I'm wondering whats wrong with me. I have negative and sad thoughts often. I cry often. I still sleep, eat, and try to enjoy my activities, but I'm generally not as functional as I used to be or as I should be. My sleep schedule is completely screwed up. I don't have a job rigth now because its hard to tell if it would help or mess me up more. I tried to do college but I was having savere emotional stress last year when I was in college. I'm trying now to find some sort of councellor with AS experience or just ANYTHING I can do. I don't know what to do....

Do I have a type of depresson, or perhaps am I coming INTO a depression? What can I do about it? Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't want any medication for it.

Please help me. I am sick and tired of being miserable so often. :(



bjmax31
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02 Jul 2006, 5:14 am

Hi i feel the exactally the same way.i feel that i am a inferior useless and a loser
My inability to socailze properly if not at all frustrates me. a lot of people condensend me (treat me like a child). And i am living by myself!! !! if you want someone to talk to my email is


[email protected]

copy and paste the link into your adress book



one1ai
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02 Jul 2006, 6:06 am

I'm lately just blaming everything that goes wrong on that I don't eat well, that I don't have good nutrition.
Thus if my body needs a lot of stuff, that I don't eat, then my body makes me express emotions or "feel" emotions of depression and sadness.

About trying college online:
Maybe you would like to find some sort of "online school" or do correspondence studying, if it is possible.



Alternative
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02 Jul 2006, 7:19 am

Hello. I 2 feel the same. It feels like my joy has been taken out of me and filled with depression and lifeless thoughts and feelings. It's just depression and it's all to do with mood swings and hormones. I manage to put up with it. If there is a reason dont bottle it up or you'll be even more sad and ill. If there is a reason I talk to my mum or a good girl friend of mine. If you want to talk to me, feel free to. My email address is:

[email protected]

Copy and paste this in your address book.



donkey
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02 Jul 2006, 7:32 am

good sign of depression is unexplained tears during the day and night...yeah we all have varying degrees of depression related to aspiness..try a little job ar mcdonlalds or burger king or similar as getting out will help you i think and if you dont like it, you can throw it ib quit/get sacked with no real skin of your nose



BlueFireBird
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02 Jul 2006, 10:17 am

I have been trough a depression recently. Its a deep down dark feeling.
What has helped me was to make (and keep) a daily schedule. Make shure you do not mess up your day- and nightschedule as you might feeling even worse if you do so.

If you want to know more about depression and to find out more if you have one, you can try this link:
http://www.google.nl/search?hl=nl&ie=IS ... eken&meta=

I hope you find a way to get out of the dark sooner or later. Take your time and do not feel quilty you feel blue.
If you wish you may send me a pm.



larsenjw92286
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02 Jul 2006, 3:32 pm

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope your depression fades away, and you enjoy posting here!


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Solidess
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02 Jul 2006, 5:37 pm

one1ai wrote:
I'm lately just blaming everything that goes wrong on that I don't eat well, that I don't have good nutrition.
Thus if my body needs a lot of stuff, that I don't eat, then my body makes me express emotions or "feel" emotions of depression and sadness.


Actually, this is an excellent point. I don't have the greatest diet and I don't exercise enough, but I have been working on changing this a bit lately, but I guess it hasn't been enough to see some real changes yet. I have always seen this on TV, that overweight people or people with poor nutrition are often depressed, and fit people feel very happy and feel confidence. It is true that the whole point of food is to give you fuel and energy and make you feel good - not lousy. I'm sure it has to do with proper nutrients that cause your brain and emotions to work properly and communicate with each other. As aspies, we already have a difference in how our brains work, and we are more prone to depression, so I think for us it is especially important to be eating the right things, and not crap, or else it effects your overall health and well being.

I might want to learn especially about the types of nutrients that help your emotions and hormones work properly, and maybe I will improve. The biggest problem I have is EXERCISE because I really can't stand it!

Everyone should be concerned about their health and look into it more. I really recommend THIS BOOK. It will open your eyes to better health. But I must warn, you really have to WANT to do this, because you'll be reading plenty of things that are quite disappointing. The harsh truth if you will.

Heh, but I'm sure you're not convinced - a depressed person recommending a book. :P No well its just because I haven't started on doing enough of the things in the book. I have to really get underway. Believe it or not he EVEN suggests there is a cure for AUTISM in this book.... Kind of a scary thought.... Perhaps some of what makes our brains work differently can be solved with better health, but DON'T WORRY, I'm sure Aspergers works a bit differently, and I'm sure you would never lose who you are. I'm really gonna see if I can help my mind more by having a better lifestyle, its just all alot of information, so I'm not quite sure where to start. But there are plenty of places to start really, its just sticking to it. I'm quite stubborn for sticking to anything properly.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm going to check out that depression link as well.



larsenjw92286
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02 Jul 2006, 5:42 pm

You're welcome!


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Solidess
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03 Jul 2006, 3:56 pm

I'm definitely depressed. I checked out about 6 of those Depression quizzes, and all of them say I have moderate depression. One of them was worried about my well-being because I answered that I often want to die, but that doesn't mean I would take my own life. I am not the same kind of depressed that I was 10 years ago - the kind that is incredibly dangerous and where you are not of your right mind anymore and the whole universe around you seems like hell. But I am definitely some kind of depressed, because my life is going no where. it has been especially bad last year, but it hasn't exactly improved much, I just cut out some of the stress from my life.

The thing is, I really feel like a failure with everything. I'm an aspie, but I don't seem to know of any of the strengths that I supposedly have over NTs, and then I have many of the difficulties that NTs DON'T have. Combined with that people think I am very smart and that I seem mostly normal, people put such pressure on me and think I have no excuse and that I can accomplish even more than normal people, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

I'm a nice and trusting person, so people take advantage of that. I'm shy, so I can't make friends. Then in college they tell me maybe this isn't cut out for me, even though its my dream career and I don't even know anywhere else that I could possibly fit at all. I feel like some in-between freak, and I can't find my place. I just don't know how much more I can stand of this.

But I guess I better do something about this depression, cause its only going to get worse with time. I dunno, it seems like no one can ever help me. I tried a therapist who wasn't very good and was costing me a fortune. I hope I will have better luck with this free person - and if not, atleast I don't go broke from giving her a try.



one1ai
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04 Jul 2006, 11:08 am

After I was obsessed a bit with nutrition, I finally found an application called "dmak". It's free and opensource. (but in a programming language called euphoria, not so common)
It has a graphical user interface, unlike another program that was called "nut". (that was programmed in c)

I doubt the dmak program has any special info or 'advice' on how to stop depression.
It's just a database that let's you find info easier about the vast amounts of information that exist in the usda nutrition database.



Markendust
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04 Jul 2006, 1:01 pm

I'm going through some depression myself as I stated before in another section and I feel a lot of the same things you do, Solidess, though you may know that since you've read what I said before. I have constant negative thoughts even when the medicine I'm taking is helping and cry a little every now and then, just like you stated earlier. I do feel like a failure and a loser as well. My mom who is a doctor believes it's common for aspies to feel down and that may not be far from the truth but she still tries to make me think more positively. It's something I can't do off the bat and I don't think anyone else can. I have learned that to make changes, you sometimes have to do them yourself but there are times other people can help you. It's better to put reliance in that than some sort of God but I'm only saying that because I don't know if there is a God anymore. I'm an ex-christian and I don't think I will ever go back to the christian faith. But I hope things will get better for you as you said you hope things will get better for me.

I do think you are a nice person, especially since you replied to my topic and made me feel that I wasn't alone. I do understand the people taking advantage part. Some people think I'm "too nice" and they pull tricks on me, thinking I will sit there and take it. But when I defend myself or pull a trick on them, they say I'm "too mean" or something along those lines. This is plain idiocy since they pull the same s**t on other people and never think twice about it. But if someone does it to them, the one who did it is suddenly the biggest as*hole on earth despite the joke not being that bad at all. Just because I'm nice to some people doesn't mean I'm a super nice guy who lets other people walk on him. I have my own diginity and feelings too. People are complete idiots and stupidity has now become part of our evolution.



TigerFire
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04 Jul 2006, 6:25 pm

Yeah I know how you feel. I got dxed with Major Depression early January. When you know its getting to depression is when you feel very depressed for more than a week or so and you start thinking of killing your self and start to make plans you know you have serious depression.


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Solidess
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08 Jul 2006, 11:49 pm

I am going out of my MIND.....

You know, no matter when I was depressed before, I've never considered suicide. I actually admire those people very much come to think of it. They realise they are in over their heads in this life, they make a plan, they stick with it. Thats more than I do while ALIVE. I just stay here and suffer anyway, and whats the point of THAT! Just to remain, complain, sustain and live in pain? Everytime I know I am in over my head with something, I quit, because its the right thing to do at the time. Amazing how I never decided that way with living. I don't know why its different for me. I guess I just hope it will get better, but its supposed to be me that makes change, but I try to make change ya know? And it doesn't seem to be good enough, and when I am in a deep despair, I feel out of control with my body and mind, so how do you make change when you're like that?

I think I really don't have the services I need, and I having alot of difficulty trying to determine just where to go, just who can help...

And as for enjoying activities, now it feels like I never truely ENJOY them, I just do them, but don't feel much from it. But I always thought thats just how I am. I've never been much of a enthusiastic person on much of anything.

It's really hard to determine whats wrong with me, I just feel like I have an ill mind. Just ill for myself, I am not insane and wouldn't dare hurt anyone, but I feel like I'm dying from the inside out, and trying to hide it, but its so hard to hide it, and so hard to function and get anywhere in life because of my procrastination/concentration/inertia problem. I'm sure that accomplishing some new activities and skills would make me less depressed, but because of the inertia problem, I can never get anything done, which in turn makes me more depressed. Or maybe I have screwy hormones or emotions, I have NO idea. Why do human bodies have to be so darn complicated!



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09 Jul 2006, 12:39 am

You know, no matter how depressed I’ve been, I've never seriously considered suicide either. I’d like to say I’ve always had faith it would get better, but that wouldn’t be true. Nevertheless I just hung in there and it did get better. Took a lot of work. Couldn’t have done it alone. The fact that you bother to ask for help indicates that you have some hope, and something to hope for. I’m so glad I know you, N, and I’m very pleased and relieved to hear that you have no serious plans to leave us any time soon. Hang in there. Keep writing. Don’t give up hope. It will get better.

-Mark :jester: :heart: :jester: :heart: :jester: :heart: :jester:



Solidess
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09 Jul 2006, 6:22 am

Thanks so much MrMark, and the other members who posted. :wink:

MrMark wrote:
I’m very pleased and relieved to hear that you have no serious plans to leave us any time soon.


Well, I wouldn't go THAT far. I have plans, I always have plans, but I seemingly suck at turning plans into action. Luckily in this situation. But actually in this case its not so much PLANS as a WISH. I don't plan on sticking around past 30, if I'm lucky. I have very LITTLE if any actual hope for my life anymore. No. Instead I have hope for death. I hope for it, I'd never consider doing it myself, but, I'm holding out that I will be one of those young deaths.

It's like boot camp, you've REALLY had enough, but you don't have much choice but to keep goin on, and you can't wait for when you get to go home. HOME is really the motivation to keep lasting. Ironic.... the hope for death is what keeps me alive. Because it can't be by my own hands, it has to be the way it was naturally intended to take place. Taking a shortcut is cheating. I want to find out the way its supposed to happen.

I mean I never quit games early. I want to see how this 'game' ends. Will it be a good ending, or a bad one? Or will the disc get corrupted and never run well again? But can't I exchange it for a different, better game? Something not quite as challenging, and alot more enjoyable?

But i know its not just watching it play out as some distant observer. Life has free will, and if I dont like whats going down right now, I need to take charge and CHANGE it! I think the problem with me is I am so hurt by people's expectations and what I SHOULD be by now. It doesn't matter! And it doesn't matter what the future holds, talking about marriage or kids, for crying out loud, I never even DATED yet! For the same reasons that I can't do ANYTHING - that all the complex steps overwhelm me so I dont even know how to START - I HAVE to just take life by the step and figure it out along the way. I have to figure out MYSELF along the way. I don't have to live each day to the fullest, but I don't have to be in a panic about my grim view of my future either. All I can do, is try to heal myself, try to take it as it comes - live in the present, stop regretting the past and worrying about the future, and just FIX MYSELF and find happiness, and find what will work out for me.

So yeah, I will try and have hope. Ofcourse I'm pretty darn sure I will be depressed the rest of my life, however, there may be PLANS mapped out in my life that are only meant to occur under certain conditions (after college is finished or what have you), and if my life is actually STUCK right now, if its basically like a skipping song, then it will never play through to the end on its own. Not unless I 'nudge' myself out of it and on my way. In other words, I will just continue to age and be miserable, but maybe it doesn't have to be this way. Maybe life has other events that could occur for me, if I manage to get out of this. So thats what I want to try and make happen. If for no other reason than curiosity, I want to see if my life can be anything more than THIS. But I can't just SEE it, I have to DO it.

But you're so right - its hard work, and it can't be done alone, but I still have to be the driver of this car. I might need directions on how to get there, but ultimately I have to want to get there and I have to drive it myself.