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Hi. Let me tell you about my aspergers disorder in as much detail as I possibly can to help with this unfinished research.
I'm 24 years old. I was told by a psychotherapist I had aspergers. I was told by schools and family that I was autistic. didn't find out about my disorder till I was 16. I was sad at first, but later I knew I'm just going to hate my life, not because of my disorder, but the fact it has to be so hard to adapt to it.

Bad habits of mine:
I always turn to marijuana to run away from my problems. (too afraid to confront them)
I always say I want to do something, and talk about doing it, but I never do it!
It's too easy to get off on the wrong foot. (sometimes I hate other people more than me, others it's the other way around).
I have a feeling that some people hate my guts if I am confident
I oppose my government (ignorance was bliss, now knowledge is pain) and would
If there is something I don't like, instead of being direct, I am very sarcastic due to how poor my
I didn't trust my doctors. I stopped going to the dentist because I don't like going there.(i don't know if he just wants money to work on my teeth or if he really is legit on what he does. don't feel comfortable, ).
No romantic love and I have given up on hope. (I have autistic friends so I see how they struggle as well).
my monotone is loud (i try to tell people that I got autism, BUT THEY JUST DON'T GET IT (yes, I raise my voice and get aggressive when someone fails to understand me, then lately realizing what I did wrong, getting off on the wrong foot with people).
I know it's because I fail to accept myself as autistic, and I am optimistic, but I know I let some things go over my head. (that would be my future mainly).
I dislike my job because it is in the city with a lot of ghetto people (which I had a past bad experience)
I have a friend who tries hard to be my best friend, but makes a few little mistakes I like to get mad about.
I am not handling uncertainty as well as I thought I would.
I have been screwed over by friends (btw who I told were autistic).
It really bothers me to see that people who do not have autism (which unfortunately is majority, therefore they shut them out) not realizing what they are doing when they are never giving.
I used to hate the world really bad, until I decided that I am just going back to my family and forget about all the friends I had because frankly they don't even bother to research autism to show they care about me. Why discard something if you are really concerned about.
My mother died when I was 3 due to pulmonary fibrosis
My brother is mentally and physically impaired. (due to cerebal palsy, he cannot interact with the real world that I am living in.)
My dad filed bankruptcy twice in his life. Just got through a divorce
The worst part: I have no money, nor health insurance to get help. I used to have medical assistance. Trying so hard to fit in society, but I got my free health care taken away from the state due to the belief that I was going to be ok without it. I hated the government for obvious reasons anyways.
I like to embrace my enemies, (in other words I. I'm tired of doing the right thing if in return I'm going to be treated like a doormat).
I sometimes ask myself
Money-wise, I have been cheated way too many times and I tend to talk about the painful past over and over. I still want to get rid of the bad memories.
I'm too vulnerable emotionally. (so I read a lot of autistic people have this problem, and I see it in my fellow autistic friends.
I felt over-miserable about working at my job, and living in the country I live in refusing to accept it as a phase of life. (my family, and friends told me but I could not
I think I will need medicine to control my emotions, but the past medicines I took for my ADHD were ritalin, concerta, then adderal XR. I used to switch back to one of the 2, but I can't stand the adverse side effects so I stopped taking them on a basis, and only took them once in a blue moon.
My fear is someday I'll lose everything (seeing other people get kicked out, I freak out when theres even a very slim chance (I like to ensure things don't happen.)
I don't like to use violence on anyone, but I feel I will want to kick someone for getting on my nerve (where the person wasn't even trying to. I'm just badly irratable)
I will automatically choose death over 10 years of jailtime because I am going to want to die so badly anyways being in jail knowing (w/o first hand experience)
Due to lack of awareness for autism, I find it a damn shame that people don't even realize what they are even doing wrong when they raise their voice.(i'm serious. thats why I overreact to these things).
I am always ambivalent about my disorder (I like some things, hate others. typical)
I lived my life hating people just for treating me like s**t and not even realizing it.
I have trust issues with people due to past experiences.
I talk to myself, answer myself, and spaz at myself. (since I was a child)
on the bright side, I work in the real world pretty well. I used to be brought down badly about never getting a date, then gave up on romance. (accepted it for what it was. Don't care because it's just poisoning my self esteem)
I hate being an adult (went through everyday life from car accidents to unpleasant woman.
I put up with 2 unpleasent women in my life (and I still hate them today for treating me bad.) (yelling at me, hitting me)
I would take things as if it was served on a silver platter (thought it was fair since I had a disorder that no-one was taking seriously).
I keep letting it bother me that people make bad decisions because

In contrast,
I made some new friends (now I am constantly thinking not being used to this, losing it)
I like to make myself feel better by not caring about what other people think (yep, society changed my ego. not always for the better; my ego can be too high at some times).
I like take on complex projects to challenge myself. (im totally different from everybody else, but thats why I like myself sometimes).
I am very computer literate (due to the obsession from the internet since 1997).
Played some hard video games. (like the challenge, but hate the pressure.)
Playing Chess with a more advanced player (lost so many times, but wanted to win at least once fair and square).

I know every one of my friends care about me, but they just don't get my autism. Now I have to act aggressive towards everybody, and nobody ever knows why. Especially when I already told them. They just don't bother. I can't believe autism awareness is seemingly so low in where I live. Being that I hated that, I always thought about leaving, and I got the opportunity to work with my news. I need to make very nice friends.

I would feel comfortable confronting people my problems if they would understand what autism is. It's so complicated that I am just going to be a jerk, ret*d, or whatever people think about me.
After that stage, I stopped caring about anyone thought and went to my own (still listening to advice, but not unnecessary opinions I hate about people).

What do you think? Is ignorance bliss? I would think until you feel down about it, well, what do I do? Go online and research. I feel that most cases are theory (trying to practice being polite.)

Bottom line, this is just me and my aspergers disorder (or just autism, it's only a diagnosis to me). I have 2 autistic friends that I know what they like doing.

I know many autistic people don't take any kind of criticism too well. You want to help them, but they will get aggressive at you only if they feel like they need to raise there defenses. This needs to stop being ignored.

I feel really bad for people with disorders. Especially when they get depressed. Unlike others, I embrace people with depression.

I am just still searching for true happiness in my life. I want to move all my stuff and leave MN for good, but money is the issue there. $0 debt though so far. Don't know when I am going to have to loan money.

I just wish my health insurance wasn't lost. I hate the health care industry for that.

They may mean no harm, but they certainly didn't personally apologize so I know some employees don't even care.

Seems like you've been through a lot and that's probably what has made you the person you are today.

We all have our flaws so try working on little things and you'll get better in no time.

As for the people who don't really understand you/autism, you could always try explaining to them when you're both feeling calm and happy and they might understand you. You could explain that something you do that you can't really help and apologise in before hand If it offends them. If they refuse to be understanding and patient, don't lose your temper or feel upset, just think to yourself at least you've tried.

Seems like you're improving things already by not caring what other people think of you and things. So well done for doing that, and good luck achieving perfection!

Hi Patrick,

See if you can avoid hash, it can induce paranoia. Also steer clear of getting hammered with booze, it's a depressant, and as we generally have a lot to be sad about a depressant isn't helpful. Moderation is good when it comes to these things.

The injustices in our lives are often re-lived, and it's hard to let them go. Dwelling on them doesn't help us, and leaves us distrustful of others. You may never be able to get rid of the feelings of injustice.

Neurotypicals will never understand us, as we will never understand them fully.

It's hard living in a world were you don't feel a part of it, no matter how many social connections you make.

Rest assured there are a lot of us to rely on, and you can trust us to know what you are going through.

You're not alone even though you may feel like it.


Regards Charles

Your're right. the problem this whole time is I have not even realize what I have been doing. I just keep dwelling in my problems and worry about them too much. Well, I just hope I will be able to handle the real world in a new state. That's all.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!