trying to get my head round myself

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone, I'm a new member, I'm hoping someone might be able to help in some way.

As long as I can remember, I've had social struggles. I don't mean I'm a bit shy around people, I mean even interacting with other people would be so stressful I could only be around others for short periods. I ended up a loner as a child, I found my own company so much easier to understand rather than the complexities of interacting with other people. I also had no interests at all except for music, which was and still is a major obsession. Whenever I talked to people, I would rant endlessly about music using terms they didn't understand at all, talking at people rather than having a conversation. I had no idea I was doing this, until I got to my mid 20's, and I think I started to become more aware of my "symptoms". This led to very few long term friendships with people, as it takes me a long long time to get to the stage where I'm comfortable around someone. I've always had one close friend who is kind of used to my "strange ways".

I've reached a stage where I am sick of battling through my own life. I think I have maybe seen and met enough "normal" people to know that I'm just not like that, and my brain works differently. I can't imagine enjoying situations that most people would find "fun", I literally dread any social events, sometimes I'm so exhausted just to have got through the days social interactions that all I can do is sleep. To be honest, when I was younger every day was like that, but it's better now i'm older, it tends to come in waves, but there has to be some answers to help me understand.

I'm really struggling to even write this, as everytime I have ever built myself up to mention this to anyone, they've told me that I'm just "being daft", or something similar. Part of the reason I guess is that I've adjusted the way I act so its harder for people around me to tell theres anything wrong... I'm worried that seeking help will affect my job, I'll probably find whatever "help" is going extremely socially stressful in any case. Any help would be much appreciated

Hi, I think know to a good degree how you feel and have felt. I was in your situation and I also was a perfectionist as others percieved me(also in social settings so until I noticed the autism spectrum myself and people around wasnt able to think of me as being in the autism spectrum, just a bit eccentric). I guess you must have felt really different,misunderstood and lonely for a great period of your life. I also had great periods of pulling myself back from social situations since I detested them more than I enjoyed them, and people constantly pointing out my eccentric behaviour wasnt helping at all. I hope you will be able to get trough your anxiety, and even though I'm a new user here I think you will meet alot of people who will be able to understand and hopefully help you.
One of my major interests is also music! I think it would be a good thing to get some sort of help, and it sounds to me that the way to go is to let out your stressfull feelings to either a professional or somone you feel is understanding and won't be a problem to let it out at. If you cannot relate to what I am writing, or feel that I don't understand or steps over a line in some way; Im sorry! The last thing I want to do is to bring forth negative thoughts, as I am a very emphatical person and hurting others hurt me, but if you can relate to this you can always PM me as I would be glad to help where I can when I got the time. cheers

Hey quietowl welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

thanks guys, its good to hear. I'm going to read some threads on the site too, I think it helps to know that other people have had similar battles. I appreciate the kind words spatialthinker, I don't really know what to think, but I figure this is a good step in the right direction

Yes it is quietowl, you'll find a number of people here in similar situations and that think similarly.

Among others, check out the forum Art, Writing and Music; I'm sure you'll find that useful.