Very New and have never been on a forum before!

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone! I have a 7 year old son who since a very young age was considered odd and socially dysfunctional ! I have always been told to have him assessed but I never wanted to put a label on him. Sometimes labels do more damage than good.

I recently found out that my father was diagnosed 15 years ago with asperger's. He never told me, but now that he sees himself in my son he has come forth. If you trace back my lineage I have many, many relatives on my father's side with asperger's.

After reading a gazillion articles and books on it I have now since realized that I have had it all along too! It gives me relief and sadness.

Anyhow that's my story and I look forward to reading posts and joining discussion groups.

I do have a question for all of you though. I don't want to tell my son. I feel he is too young, I am simply going to help him adjust socially as best I can and give him the love and tools he needs. I figure when he is a teen that we can have a thorough technical discussion about it. What do you think?

Welcome to WP!

Sadness? never regret being who you are. As you'll find very quickly, AS is not some debilitating wasting toxic terminal disease, it's just an atypical brain function, slightly askew from the norm. It brings strengths along with it's weaknesses, and is only a disability because we live in a world engineered and socially structured for people different than ourselves. Hence the very common Aspie feeling that we were born onto the Wrong Planet.

I think failing to tell your son is a mistake. I'm not saying you should make a big deal out of it, but he's going to know looonngg before teen years that he's somehow different than his classmates, and it will help to know that these differences are not a DEFECT in him, but just that his brain is wired a little differently than most. That's not BAD, it's just different. If Albert Einstein was an Aspie ( as researchers believe and I concur - only an Aspie would keep six copies of the same suit of clothing to avoid the turmoil of deciding what to wear in the morning), then the rest of us have nothing to be ashamed of. There's a chance that his AS may contribute to other issues that will require a discussion before he's a teenager. It's not common to all Aspies, but if I had been diagnosed as a child, I'd probably have gotten more academic help in mathematics (a weak spot for me), and it could have made my spectrum of career options a lot wider today.

Never forget: Asperger Syndrome IS NOT A DISEASE. It's merely an alternate perspective.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks Willard for your advice. I have been on here for hours reading tread after tread and I am truly grateful for everyone's candor.

I was sad in finding out for myself because it might have removed the feelings of isolation in my life. I persevered and found my niche so all is well. My teen years is when I truly realized I was different and couldn't quite fit in anywhere.

I will tell my son, but I want to pick the right time. I have told him several times how he is different and that it is ok and that he is very special with respect to how he thinks and how he obsesses. So he does know it in a sense. I've pointed out how he could improve socially to fit in better. I just don't want him thinking he is sooooo different than other children that they named a syndrome after it. I want him to not feel so apart from the pack that he doesn't try and fit in. Does that make sense?

Also thanks everyone for your greetings.

Nice to meet you, Squid.

While I can't say knowing has removed any feelings of isolation, at least now I understand the source, and it was a tremendous weight lifted from me to know that my quirks and oddities were neurological in nature and not a defect of my individual personality, which living in a world made for a different species can make you feel. I'm sure you understand.



Certainly. I bristle at the people who refer to Asperger or Autism in general as a disease. The thought that our alternative perspective on the world is something nasty and viral that must be eliminated is sooo insulting. It is truly a disability, but the extent of that is affected by so many variables, that to give in to that and use it as an excuse for not trying to learn to cope would only make one weak. So in that sense, I can fully understand why you don't want to make a big deal of it. It shouldn't be allowed to overshadow and color every moment of your life. We're humans first, Aspies second. Or third or fourth or more, depending on what else is important to defining you to yourself. And that's as it should be.

Welcome Squid,

My 7 year old son knew last year, possibly earlier. There was never any intention to keep information from him.

He's aspie and proud of it.

There are a lot of upsides to Aspergers as well as downsides. If you concentrate on the upsides, you'll find that the downsides present less of a problem.

In particular, the long term aspie memory is a massive upside and the earlier he starts to make use of it, the better.

My son doesn't sit in class and say "I can't do that because I have Aspergers". He's more likely to say "I can do that because I'm an aspie" - indeed, he's told the teacher that on several occasions when complimented about things.

He's also got a book on Autism Heroes (Amazon.com), which was recommended by Smelena from WP. It gives him positive role models to look up to.

You'll find more useful information on my blog (in my sig).

Anyway, welcome to WP. Be sure to visit the parents forum.