wondering just how strange i really am.

Post Reply New Topic

I was reading about Asperger's and Autism in wikipedia, and came upon this forum. I noticed that I seem to share some attributes that aspies have (like high intelligence, difficulty socializing/being interested in socializing, pacing and rocking). I was reading a bio of one aspie on his website, and when he described how horribly he had been treated during his middle school years (being beat up and mistreated by just about every bully in the entire school) I thought - hey that's me! That is exactly what I went through.

I've never been diagnosed as such (and have no desire to get diagnosed as I don't see how that would benefit me). but I did take two self-diagnosis tests online (from the wikipedia links) and they both came out saying I was an aspie. I'm not sure if I actually am one, since I seem to differ on two key points: I never suffer from sensory overload of any kind, and when I do attempt to socialize I'm pretty sure that I'm good at it (with the exception of dating, though I've never actually tried to ask someone out on a date). I'm either an aspie who is very good at playing the NT game of climbing social ranks, or an NT who is very aspie-ish (aspish?). Both self-tests measured mainly for low social comfort and high interest in intellectual/academic subjects - features that aspies and nerdy NTs seem to share.

So, what is the difference between being an aspie and being a nerd?

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

There is a difference between having AS and just being a nerd. Because we tend to learn how to adapt as we get older, you need to look at you behaviour when you were really young. It would probably be best to ask your parents about that.

Not all people with AS display all the signs of AS, and even if they showed signs in the past, it can lessen as they get older. For example, I have never had a problem with making eye contact, I am actually okay at socialisation now, I don't seem to have nearly as many sensory problems as other people with AS do, and I hardly stim at all.

yeah, you dont have to have sensory issues to have AS. and hey; i thought i was good at socializing too, when i was like; 16.. turned out i really wasnt. at all.

there is no diagnosis for nerds! and not nearly as much stigma, name calling and other stuff that follows a diagnose...

I think the social isolation come from being "different". Yes, there something going on, but aspis aren't the only ones getting picked on and bullied, kids can be very cruel to each other. I'm not say if you have aspergers or not, that's between you and your doc. What I am saying is that the socil isolation is not a major indicator, a closer look at your social life is needed.

Recently it's been suggested that aspergers is caused by increased gestational tetosterone levels. This makes the brain develop more "male" wiring than normal, and supresses any female tendencies like empathy. This will make aspi girls more in the midde of the road as far as wiring, and male aspis off the deep end of male thought patterns. We're kinda cut-off from the world emotionally. We hear and understand what people say, but we still don't actually "get it". many aspis take things way too literally, and it takes extra work to interpret someones emotions and know those subtle nuances of the social world, like flirting, or lying, I'd venture to say that ther arent very many aspi sales people, and if they are a salesperson, you can be certian that they are aren't selling BS.

Of course this become a major problem around adolescence, when every kid is trippin out on hormones. An aspi is handicapped in this situation, and just left to the wolves to fend for themselves. since aspis display a high level of functionality, they frequent get overlooked. They're the shy or withdrawn kid usually.

I feel like I live in my own little bubble, like there's this invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world.
I'm in here trying to communicate with the world, but only part of the message gets through. Things I say confuse people, and i'm confused by others.

Another thing I've noticed among the aspergers community, is a lot of folks have sensory issues as well. Very sensitive to light, sound, touch. I hate direct sunlght, I get really weirded out when lightly touched, I hear really slight sounds easily, and I flinch at loud noises, It's pain to me. Sometimes all the sensory input is overwhelming.

By adult hood, many aspis learn to "fake it" in many social situations, but still experience problems finding a mate, and getting and keeping jobs. Some fall into incredible depressions. Some deny their emotions entirely and become very robotic, living an asexual, cold emotion free life.

This is all my observation and what I've learned in the short tme since I was diagnosed. I could be wrong on things, please don't take what I say as generalizations. I'm still new to this, I have to learn more myself about aspergers.


Pete

Welcome to WP!

I'm in a VERY similar situation to you...the beatings and harassment I received in middle school were EXACTLY the same as you described (I didn't have 4 or 5 bullies, I had 4 or 5 people in the school who weren't bullies). I also am not sure if I have it or not--I met the characteristics of AS almost dead-on in K-12 school, but now, as a senior in college, the AS-like traits I do have are a LOT less severe--I have a great social life with lots of wonderful friends (and am in a co-ed fraternity), I'm able to talk to almost anyone about almost anything for any length of time (when I was a kid, I was very AS-like in only being able to talk about certain things, unless the other person led the conversation or the situation was structured). Friends who knew me since Freshman year or before tell me I'm a VERY different person now, and specifically tell me I'm less socially awkward--I even got an award for being "most changed" in my fraternity last semester.

This change is one of the reasons I may very well not have AS--people say you have it for life, and diagnosis means that the characteristics impact one's life in a major way. A lot of these symptoms are not major factors in my life anymore. That's why I don't want to get diagnosed at this time either: I'm in college, don't need most of the resources available to those with AS, and in a world where almost all the AS resources available are devoted to children and adolescents, feel the disadvantage of possible discrimination (in theory, a company could get around discrimination laws by saying that a job "requires people skills" even when it doesn't--many companies already claim jobs "require people skills" which don't) outweighs any advantage a label might have at this time. If something comes up in the future where I feel a diagnosis would be a good thing, I might go ahead and seek one--even then not knowing if I'd be diagnosed or not. But for now I just don't feel the severity of my quirks warrant it.

Also like you, the only frontier I'm still unable to understand is the dating scene...I actually dated a girl for a few weeks this semester for the first time ever, but that was a result of her taking a lot of initiative to reach out to me.

As far as nerdiness vs. AS goes, there is simply so little that we do know about AS, and indeed the entire autism spectrum. We do know that Aspergers', and the Autism Spectrum in general, is just that--a spectrum, which ranges from the severely autistic (low functioning autism with mental retardation, etc.), on up to some of the most renowned scientists and technical people of all time (there is widespread belief in the media and among scientists that Bill Gates has, and Albert Einstein had, AS--some famous Hollywood actors have also stated publicly they have AS). Nerdiness may very well be the "bridge" between the autism spectrum and average neurology (in essence, the very meaning of "NT"--NeuroTYPICAL). The thing is, there are no clear-cut boundaries.

And I go to UMD! Glad to see I'm not the only member from CP!

Hi -
Just for interest, Albert Einstein was an excellent speaker and socialiser and spent time hobnobbing with the upper eschalons.
His colleague Niels Bohr, with whom he had a famous long-running philosophical-scientific "argument", was a notoriously bad speaker (hard to understand). He seems to me a more likely candidate than Einstein.