Why won't anyone help me?

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I'm sorry I don't post often, I have a short attention span and forget this place often. Yet I seem to have the guts to post a rant...the nerve of me. Anyway I really am sorry, but I feel I need to get this off my chest and this seemed the only place I can do this. It's a bit long, so if you don't want to read it feel free to skip to the last two paragraphs, because I actually have questions there.

I've been having major trouble with school this year, and no one will help me. I'm at this point where the semester ends Thursday and I am close to failing nearly everything. I asked for help and everyone told me that it was my own fault and that I need to deal with the consequences. My mom tells me I can ask her for help whenever I want, but when I do ask for help she becomes angry and starts yelling at me and/or pointing out my obvious stupidity. The work was never this hard before, I don't even know what happened. It feels like I have some kind of mental block with the work, and when I try to tackle the homework I become overwhelmed and go into some kind of meltdown. That's the best way to describe it. It's starting to get a bit tiring at this point, crying myself to sleep is not my idea of fun. I try, but it takes me so long to get even the simplest tasks done as of late. I understand that everyone is frustrated with me, but I really have been doing the best that I can.

I can't even see a point anymore, because at this point the best I can scrape by with is a D, if I'm lucky. Though I'm sure I'll be failing at least two classes. As it is I'm up to my eyeballs in make-up work, all of which is due tomorrow, and NO ONE WILL HELP ME. I know, I'm in High school now, so I should be able to handle this. But I just can't. Most of my teachers seem to hate me and I actually had one teacher start yelling at me in front of the entire class when I tried to tell him I didn't understand the assignment. Right now it just feels like unless I get straight A's for the next two marking periods, I will be failing this year. I fail this year, no decent college will accept me. No decent college accepts me, I will become a homeless bag lady. So at this rate I can't even achieve my dream of being a crazy cat lady in a beautiful Victorian house. Maybe all of this is an exaggeration, but my mom keeps yelling at me about my future now being royally screwed thanks to my laziness and stupidity in this one year when I am seriously having trouble. She tells me that I don't try at all.

So is that it? I'm a lazy high schooler with no motivation, who all teachers hate because of wasted potential and on top of that my only future is that of a fast food clerk and/or homeless bag lady? I don't see why everyone can't just accept that I really do need help. It's like they expect me to be the child prodigy I USED to be before I hit puberty and became an idiot. When I don't meet up to their expectations, I am a lazy good for nothing scum who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air.

I have a few stupid questions I probably should know but...don't. I tried asking my school guidance counselor and she kept trying to convince me how I should just accept that all of my life's problems are my fault and mine alone (she even tried to get into my home life). I know not everyone would go to the same type of school as me, but if you know what I'm talking about, say I just barely pass the first two marking periods only to come out with decent-good grades in the last two. Would that be enough to redeem myself? Also (another stupid thing I should know) is my life seriously screwed for failing ONE year out of high school (10th by the way)? I haven't failed the year yet, but if this continues I may as well consider it a fact.

So yes, that is my mini-rant. I apologize for any spelling errors or whatever, because I'm typing fast and don't have a spell check on hand. I also apologize for being so young and naive if you expected me to be older. There isn't all too much I can do about my age, now is there? I have no idea why, but it seems like people would be insulted by that...anyway, thank you for reading if you've read this far. It feels good to finally just let all of this out. I think I'm going to stop typing now and just post this before I freak out and change my mind...

Messing up one year of high school does NOT mean your life is over!! What it means is that you are having a tough time and need to get some help. Or, it means you are blowing off school and don't care (like I did). Sounds more like you need help to me.

I blew off school until I hit college, then my mother thought she was receiving the wrong grades. She actually CALLED me at school to tell me "They sent me the wrong grades." I said "No, they didn't." She said "Yes, they did. It says you have all As and are on the Dean's List." I just smiled, started naming of classes and teachers...to prove they were the right ones. She couldn't believe it! I had ALWAYS done poorly in school - because I was bored and didn't care. In college, I was somewhat challenged, treated like an adult and rewarded for extra effort.

I never graduated from college, because of money, but I do fine - I'm a computer geek and make good money. Screwing up high school means nothing.

Parents can be serious jerks sometimes. And sometimes, they have a point. Since I don't know you or your situation, I'm not going to form an opinion on this.

If no one else will help you, *I* will do what I can online. I have tutored many people. Let me know. My weakest subject is math, but I will try.

tl;dr

I'm guessing you don't have a diagnosis, otherwise you should be recieving help. It's well worth fighting for one if you think you have ADD/ADHD/AS, as then if anyone starts calling you stuipd/lazy/etc you can pull the prejudice card on them with that as proof.

If no-one is willing to help you get a diagnosis, then don't put in the effort, and don't sweat it. You deserve to go through education with the help you need. If you don't have that help, then there's little point stressing yourself out and just getting bad grades. If you have to wait until you're an adult, can get a diagnosis by yourself and retake your exams, it's worth the wait (and it's a lot less stressful).

Schools go on and on about how you will fail in life if you don't pass high school. This is the biggest bunch of BS out there, and they are lying through their teeth. Schools do this because of their reputation, not because they care about students. If more students pass with high grades, the school gets a better reputation, gets more money and the teachers get payed better. It's unlikely that money will be put into better teaching, as the worst teachers always seem to be the most favoured by the schools administration.

So to sum up, get youself a reason to say F*** YOU, then do it. Assertiveness is something that will help you a lot with an A.S.D.

ITypically, First, I know you're certainly NOT an idiot! Not even close. You write/articulate extraordinarily well for a high-school 'kid.' I'm sure once you start failing this pattern becomes reinforcing - a vicious cycle. I think you do need help to break this downward spiral since 1) You have shown initiative but just cannot express this conventionally. 2) You are gifted (this can be a conundrum in and of itself, trust me) PLUS your diagnosis (I am unsure, but an Aspie? Somewhere on this spectrum anyway). This can be insurmountable if left untreated - as you well know! 3) You are young and shouldn't be left neglected! You're gift is will be noticed but the approach needs to be honed for you.

I am so sorry you're living this - must be overwhelming. Please do not think that because you fail your semester you're destined to be a 'bag lady.' No! Let me tell you something: I am in the PhD program at my University (Chem/Biochem). Anyway, one man I know if right near getting his PhD in Chemistry. He has earned his rank with experience and strength. Guess what? He doesn't have a high school diploma or even a GED! You might wonder how he ever did this. He hated high school and dropped out in 10th grade (I do not recommend this). Then, later, he began taking some classes at some local community college, did really well, found his niche, took more classes, declared a major, earned his BS. Then his Master's Degree. Now his PhD. Anyway, I'm not advocating this path, but just trying to show that you're not doomed.

Next, do you know an adult someone you trust (mentor)? Like a special relative, a teacher you admire, even the school nurse, for instance? Find this person. Show him/her what you wrote here. Then, you 1) find 2) write 3) implement this plan with the help of your mentor to advocate. Do not stop. Be respectful and show you care and will work to learn! Does your school have a health center? Are they reputable (ie: Do you trust them)? If not, shop around. Consult a mental health clinic and explain you are at least on the autistic spectrum (do you have a diagnosis, btw?), and/or ask your doctor.

I have a lousy mother who made everything worse. Yes, this means you count the days until you're done with her...sorry. But you're not bound by her. Look elsewhere. You are obviously mature, but have a problem FOCUSING your power and must learn techniques to do so. Do not let anyone tell describe you as an idiot! I have a serious problem with being way too sensitive and I am hurt by outsiders a lot (guess I shouldn't be giving advice). But keep fighting. Even if you lose the battle of this semester there are paths and you need to find that FAST. Find a mentor - whomever that may be.

For me struggling is EXHAUSTING and all my efforts are then diverted. There's no way you can excel if you're in this situation. You have to change that first and the academics, which are your priority now, will follow.

Just for logistics, write down everyday a plan/schedule (ie: a calendar/day planner) so you're not scattered. Write your priorities. NEXT - (this is important): What are you really good at? What do you love? I know you must have an interest. Are you really good at math? Science? Writing? Art? Think and follow this path. Focus. Yes, you must balance your academic workload with other stuff too, but remember this is all a means to an end.

I really believe, and know, the frustration part! I have cried myself to sleep countless times. Still do sometimes. I have screaming meltdowns too. But - I'll not go off on a tangent. I know you're trying so hard you're probably ready to drop from exhaustion. If what you're doing doesn't work (and it doesn't) find another way. There are other ways, trust me.

Does your school district have an alternative program? In high-school I was not mainstreamed (thankfully). I did well. I simply could not have made it in a regular high-school. Ever. Check into this, okay? You ought to qualify - given your gifts and requisite difficulties.

Did you know that Einstein was, at best, a C student in high school? He was working as a file clerk until he published his first paper, developing the Theory of Relativity. Nikola Tesla (very inspiration scientist for me; plus I use his work) is forensically diagnosed as a high-functioning autistic, like myself (and probably you). Google/Wikipedia Tesla for his accomplishments. Anyway, he was digging ditches for pennies, destitute and had a nervous breakdowns. Um, I'm NOT saying you need do this, but just showing you others DO struggle, like you, and then succeed! They just find another way. So can you! I promise.

I am studying in the Neuroscience Department currently (part of the Chem/Biochem curriculum). Yes, I know how the autistic mind 'works.' Anyway, before I was accepted into this program I worked as a Chemist/Analyst in another laboratory professionally. I had a female supervisor who decided to make my life......impossible. And she did. I was not allowed to perform a certain lab procedure I am fully qualified for since (quote), "You might become catatonic." Yes, really. So, I belive you've been misinterpreted by this sort of person. Thankfully, I found my niche elsewhere.

Please try to feel better. I was told once, fairly recently too, "Take care of yourself first." I'm still not too great at doing this but it is good advice. If you don't do the basics for yourself (ie: sleep, be good to yourself), you cannot function very well. Then you're performance suffers.

Find someone to help you with this - it's just too much for one to do, like I've described above. Good luck - let us know how you're faring with school. Don't forget to post either.

Oh, forgot to mention: You said there's things you just don't know how to do. I STILL don't do certain things. Because I can't. For example: I HATE paperwork and I'm lousy at it. I just cannot fill out a form. This very afternoon I had to fill out a form (neuroscience certification for live animals - brain surgery). So....my instructor helped me do this. He's a neuroscientist too. We're both lousy at paperwork. But, together (like an hour later), we did it. Whatever works. Paperwork still gives me chills. (I got a papercut too).

Still, you've got to learn to love your interest and work within your school - even if in a different venue.

No, you're not screwed. My sister didn't even make it to the equivalent of high school, because at that age she didn't think school was important. She got what was not quite a dead end job, but one with little prospects. She got fed up, went to evening class, she now is a manager with more responsibility and salary than I have with my university education. Usually, getting your qualifications that way is harder than at school, but it can be done. One advantage of adult education programmes is that there is less pressure on you because you would be working only for yourself, not someone else's expectations. So you do have at least one backup option. If you can repeat the year, you would have a second.

I would have carried on offering similar advice as LabPet, except that she did it first, more thoroughly, and better than I could. I can only suggest you read it again, because it's good advice.

"The nerve of you"? I applaud you. You had the courage to make this post, for a start. And "stupid"? I think not. Like many on the spectrum, you may find it difficult to have a face-to-face conversation. But you write beautifully, and your spelling is impeccable!

I have no practical advice to offer beyond LabPet's and others' excellent suggestions. I do agree, though, that having a less-than-brilliant high-school career has little or nothing to do with what you ultimately achieve in life. There are numerous people in the world who at some point got tossed out of school on their ear, yet still went on to accomplish great things.

So best of luck getting the help you need, Lizzie, and to reiterate LabPet, do keep us posted.

DITTO what everyone else says and to add to the don't worry about one period or even one year.

I took my first 2 years of high school off... had like a .8 GPA... yea... .8... teachers finally learned to let me do what I wanted and just grade me on tests... went up to a 3.9 my final 2 years... I was still able to get into almost any college I wanted and even had some full academic scholarships offered.

So don't worry... do what you can and don't give up. Seek help from different people if the ones you're going to now aren't helping.

Some high schools are getting to be more like college. The teachers are not there not to teach you. only to assist you in the learning process. So get a tutor. Sit next to, or behind one of the brainy kids, and try to make friends with them. They are usually more than willing to show off their "brainz" by trying to explain the subject to you. (I always enjoyed being a tutor to any girl, just to be able to talk to one. I was ugly and shy in high school.) Get the homework assignments written down and do them during the lecture along with note taking. Do the homework assignments. I hated homework but it helped me make good grades.
As a parent, I yell at my kids sometimes for things they do or don't do. A lot of the time I wonder if I am using the right tactics (yelling, crying, pleading, bribing, etc.) for each of my kids. It is always a guessing game.

ITypically, I had the same thing freshman year. It's crazy the sort of pressure they put on kids, especially if they used to be good at school-stuff and then weren't (I got staight As in 8th grade and then nearly failed 9th, my parents panicked and I got the bad end of their madness). You won't end up a bag-lady though, you seem too sane.

I'm not sure if there's anything that can be said to help that hasn't been posted already. WP is a solid support network and can be relied on in troubling times(no matter how trivial you think that people will think your troubles are), so whenever you've got troubles this place is a good place to turn.

Anyways, I hope things get better for you, I think they will...
Optimism! (I know, too happy)

But you know why you are stupid, is because you THINK you are stupid. Stop trying to impress everyone and stop thinking that you are worthless. The world can't define how much you are worth. Only you can. Your mom doesn't know how much you are worth. You do! If your mom or your teachers, or your friends think your worthless, forget them and do your s**t. What you need to do is try to help yourself, because obviously other people aren't willing to help you. Try your hardest to understand your work. I know its easier said then done, but what else are you going to do, right. When you tell the teacher that you don't understand your homework, tell them exactly what you don't understand. Trust, me you're not stupid. No one is. Everyone is good at something. If you have any distractions, get rid of them. Television , Internet, whatever is keeping you from doing your work stop it. And one more thing, no matter what happens, even if you fail this year or the next, you are not a failure. Even that thought, shouldn't be in your mind (that you are going to fail). Just do your work and ignore the thoughts of others.If people think you are an idiot, who cares. The most important thing is what you think of yourself, and you have to understand, not only know, THAT YOU CAN'T IMPRESS EVERYONE.


Extra s**t:
It took me an extra year of highschool to finish, and I know I'm a person that is ten times smarter than all the people that graduated before me. The only difference was my work ethic, and the way in which I learn. I learn in large spaces, not so condensed. I don't even understand how people could look at something for three seconds and understand it, it's stupid. For the most part, people just learn things by following, not even understanding what's happening 'behind the scenes'.

Secretly, Grimfaire confused his GPA with a breathalizer test
But the point is he 'made it' despite the odds.

I think being HFA/Aspie (or related) DOES make one stronger; we do it the hard way!

Ditto to everybody else; I did something similar, only a year earlier. My problems exploded on me in Jr. High, and I went from being the top of my class to the bottom. No one could figure it out, I couldn't figure it out, I was struggling with everything, and I eventually just started blowing it off. I did this all the way through high school, too, because once I started, it just kept spiralling out fo my control. So I finished high school with A grades in band, and just about failed all my academic subjects. None of the universities I wanted to go to would accept me, naturally.

So I enrolled as a part-time student at the local community college, because (and here's a great tip) they ONLY look at your transcript if you're enrolling as a full time student. I took enough classes there that I was actually interested in to fulfill the credit requirements for the first year of the degree I wanted, got good grades because not only was I actually interested in the subject, but if I couldn't figure something out my professors were willing to meet with me one-on-one in office hours and help walk me through it, and applied to the same universities as a transfer student from the college. I got in, and I'm now finishing my third year.

The point of this story being that no, flushing out of high school does not mean squat once you get out into the real world. You CAN still go to university and have an excellent life even if your high school grades aren't very good, although it might take a year or two longer (and office hours are a wonderful thing when you get here; make use of them!). There are a number of ways you can still do whatever it is you want to do with your life. I second the offer of tutoring; I'm pretty good on english, history, and certain theoretical aspects of science, and I could probably pull you through spanish or french if you're taking a second language, but math's right out. Just let me know if you need help, and I'm more than willing to put some time in on it with you. Also, if you think it'll help, I do suggest looking into any alternative programs your school offers; I know in my home town, there was a program for gifted students that a lot of AS kids ended up in (not me, despite school recommendations), and did very well in.

Good luck, however you go about applying everyone's advice, and send a message if you ever need someone to talk to or anything.

ITypically, i agree with liberty, yeah everyone else is right on, i'm an adult now and I actually did extremely well in high school, honor roll student, certifications, and guess what i ended up working 3 jobs(including self employment and a popular internet business) after high school (didnt go to college) cause i was under to much stress/anxiety and grief from traumatic events, and actually did pretty well in the job industry till i hit around 25's (when i had alot of traumatic events happen that f*cked me up to the point of going into a spiral downhill. I"m now just trying to get out of it and enjoy the life i have left. But yeah don't worry about High school to much, you can alway's retake it (actually i wish i did, so i could of been more prepared for going to college or going into the career that i wanted) My life went by to fast and of course autism/aspergers/add/adhd wasn't known when i was in school.

I strongly suggest that if you have a I.E.P setup that you force the school to help you under the disability act they have to help you. Also if you have aspergers and the co-morpid conditions with a evaluation from an expert you should be able to get on SSD and you should be able to get help too.

Though others are right, the educational system is crap, see if you can do homeschooling or see if theres a alternative adult school you can go too instead of high school.

You are most certainly not stupid or a waste of anything. Your writing proves just how many levels beyond 'normal' people you are. And knowing you write this as your feelings are hurt and are stressed makes me wonder what amazing stuff you can write when relaxed and focused.

Dont give up!!


Failing a grade is not the end of anything. In fact you can literally fail as many grades as you want. In the real world nobody will ever see that you failed a grade. Colleges dont care if you repeated a grade all they care about are your SAT scores, your GPA (which in most cases is actually improved by repeating a grade) and if you are able to pay for the tuition.

I failed 6th grade and almost failed the 8th and 10th grade. Each time I had a different issue with my learning skills and each time I had to go through summer school. Back then nobody knew about AS (especially not in my country) so I was just 'the slow' kid. And this 'slow' kid, a permanent C student that failed 6th grade and was constantly in summer school, scored the 7th highest test in the country and 4th highest in my class (out of 70+). When I went to apply at the university they didnt care about the grades I had during my school years, they just looked at that test score, gave me their own test (much easier so I aced it) and was accepted.

SAT > GPA is the rule of thumb.

My question to you is: Although you have trouble with the subjects all this year, do you, by the end of the year, grasp what is being taught? It dont matter if you get graded poorly during the whole year, what matters is IF you learn the material.

Learn the material, prepare yourself for the SAT. I'd suggest taking as many practice SATs as you can before you graduate from high school. So what if you have to repeat a grade? That just means the 2nd time around you know what's coming and you can fill in the gaps.

School is for your own benefit not for the benefit of your mom's pride or your classmates. Its for you. Be selfish on this one

When you get to university you will notice that not all new students are 18 year olds. In fact a good majority will be people in their mid 20s and late 30s so don't think that just because you graduate a year later from high school than your peers means you're off-track.


Please let us know how you're doing and keep us updated.