My Indecisiveness On Joining The Army

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Before I start, I should probably begin by giving you all some context before the advice starts flowing in.

After I completed High School, things were going pretty well. I had a job, a car, and I was attending college while living at my parents house so I virtually had no living expenses. I was pretty much in a position where I could do and be anything, but I blew it. I fell into depression after being fired from my job, and stayed that way for an entire year, just wasting away in my room doing nothing. This in particular started to wear on my parents nerves, and my father was getting increasingly hostile to the point I just didn't feel welcome anymore. I needed a way out somehow, and I found it in the form of what is known as the Job Corps program, a government ran program where you are sent to a facility for a maximum 2 years where they feed you, give you a place to sleep, and most importantly, teach you an employable skill. For me, I went there to train as a Computer Technician and as of this writing, I am nearing my max 2 years, but I have been complete with my chosen trade for months and am in a transition period of trying to figure out what to do next.

I am now 23 years old, and like Job Corps, my parents suggested the Military as the next best option. From a logical point of view, it is clear why they would suggest this. My previous college loans would be paid off, I would get free education, a steady job, government benefits, and the possibility of travel which is something I had always wanted to do. So I decided to start the process....First I tried the Air Force (out of all the branches, I wanted to join that one the most), but the recruiters just kept jerking me around so much they managed to do the improbable and tick me right the hell off, so I turned to the Army, which thankfully where alot more accommodating and got the process started real quick. Then the day came that I went to MEPS, but I couldn't swear in that day because I received an Eye Counsel. Now I will return to MEPS on the 19th of next month, but now....now I am having second thoughts.

This is a bit hard to fully explain my feelings on the matter, but it seems every single bit of my subconscious is rebelling against even the very idea of going back to MEPS to join. I simply now just don't want to do it, and just to make it clear, it isn't fear. I am not afraid of bootcamp or military life, nor do I not think I am incapable of succeeding in the military. No, what my problem now is, is the belief that I can achieve more and be happier should I pursue a more civilian direction. Would it be more difficult? Most certainly, but I would be experiencing a freedom that I would not have in the military. For some odd reason, everyone seems to think that I like and crave structure, but that simply isn't the case. I like being beholden to no one, I like being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it......The very idea of being bound to a contract for a set number of years with no way out besides breaking the terms of the contract is a bit sickening.

I guess you could say this attitude of mine has always been there, but it was truly cultivated in the two years I spent at Job Corps. It was a very structured environment. You were expected to wake up at a certain time every day, go to lunch and class at a certain time, act a certain way, dress a certain way, and a myriad of other rules you had to follow. I did all of this, without question in an environment where the rules where being ignored by the majority (most of the kids sent to Job Corps where street thugs straight off the street) and now I am just sick of it. You were at a center in the middle of nowhere, unallowed to leave the property. I sacrificed my freedoms for two years so that I could have a skill that would lead to a more prosperous life....and now I am having a problem with extending that term of sacrificing my freedoms any longer. So let me summarize so far with saying my problem isn't my ability to live a military lifestyle, its my tolerance. Sure I could do it, but I suspect I would be pretty miserable.

The indecisiveness I suppose comes in when I balance my wants with the possible inclinations of having all of those benefits. Joining would certainly rid me of my college debt, and I wouldn't have to worry about a place to live or a job....But I am starting to think it would be better to be homeless and free, rather than well off as a slave to a system (well technically I guess were all slaves to some kind of system). I don't know what to do here. I certainly don't have any good alternatives, though I could use the remaining time I have in Job Corps to find a job and get myself set up. I mean once I get a place and internet, I would pretty much have all I need to comfortably pursue my dream as a Fantasy/Science Fiction novelist. Hell, I even entertain ideas of becoming a Youtube personality for geek culture (though this would be more for fun and fulfillment rather than monetary gain). The issue of course is getting there.

And then there was the issue with me and my first visit to MEPS. Good lord, what a horrible experience. I wouldn't dare liken this seriously, but I would imagine that was in some part how Jews felt when they were getting processed at Auschwitz. It was practically heartless and sterilized. If this is any indication of how the military is, I don't want any part in it. I mean, before I went to MEPS I already had my reservations, but after that first visit, dear lord where there some red flags popping up in my head. On my way back from MEPS I was wondering if fate had intervened, preventing me making an absolutely terrible mistake.

So I suppose so far after reading all this you would figure my stance would be clearly against joining the military right? Well, it isn't as simple as this. In particular, my family really wants me to join, and they are expecting me to do so. Oh, it would be simple to say, "Screw your family, its about your happiness" like some others have said....buts its hard to put in words just exactly how strong the chains they have around my metaphorical feet. They all believe it to be the best option for me to take, as if they know what is best for me despite me being a fully grown adult fully capable of making his own decisions. So yes, I could say I won't join, but at the risk of alienating my family. I have an unfortunate reputation of not being able to stick with things, so saying that I am going back on what I said I would do would be viewed by my family as a disappointing continuation of past behavioral patterns. It would be seen as a reversion to my old self before I went to Job Corps. It also makes it worse that my family is highly military oriented. I have a brother in law in the military, I have a cousin in the military, and my mom served in the Gulf War. Naturally they expect me to follow in their footsteps. I don't want to imagine that conversation with my parents when I tell them that I am turning down such a great opportunity to secure my future. Plus there is still no denying joining the military and succeeding in it would definitely make my future more secure.

So now there is an internal war going on within me. One day I will wake up, being extremely gung-ho about joining the military as I focus on what it can do for me, and then on the next day I will wake up absolutely despising the idea. I hate being this indecisive! I want clarity, and I know that in the end, it will not be a question that others can answer for me. I must answer it myself, but sometimes seeing outside opinions, seeing different points of view on my story can help me along that path to clarity. So I ask of you, my fellow people at WrongPlanet, what do you think of all of this? Are there those among you that had maybe found themselves in a similar situation? Let me know what you think.

Thanks for listening.

If you think you could handle Basic, I'd go for the Army.

They'll break your spirit and put it back together. DON'T STAND OUT!

You'll be in Basic 6 weeks and won't have the opportunity to spend the $1500 or so that you earn. Enough for a cheap car. Basic is hard. But it's not dissimilar to Job Corps in some senses. Job Corps is military lite.

You might also be deployed, though. Try not to get Infantry.

Are you diagnosed on the spectrum? It was my understanding that autistics are barred from serving in the army in the US. There are many posts on WrongPlanet about people who were diagnosed after having difficulty in the military, and were discharged because of it.

Well, if you decide against joining you could keep your family from hassling you by saying you had been found medically unfit to serve.

were you diagnosed with aspergers? or self diagnosed? if doctors did it then its in your medical records and will show up pre basic. and if you lied about it theres possible jail time as its a felony i believe. I was diagnosed by doctors and get ssi. so its in my records and I didn't even get past the recruiters. cause I didn't want to be caught lying so told them upfront I had it. they asked for my medical records and when saw it main recruiter just said nope, and wouldnt' even discuss it with my recruiter.

though the army in past few years actually recruited autistic people and signed them up and all, then there were law suits, and congressmen making a fuss. so probably why the main recruiter didn't' want to take no chances. the military is downsizing anyways, it's tough to stay in, gotta keep ranking up or get kicked out. all about looking good now too. atleast thats what my friends have all said. not the same military they first joined up to. war time military needs being different then peacetime I suppose. what were you thinking of doing in the army?

also as for loans going away I've heard mix about that. seen a bunch of people do the gi bill and when finish college, military said they owed them the money. army use to give out sign up bonus too but that got cut.

I always wanted and still kinda do, to join cause I like uniforms and the structure of it. so always been attracted to joining military or cops. scary is war, the stress, always worrying about ranking up(hard for normals. probably impossible for me) I wouldn't join just cause your family wants you to. they won't have to go to war, they won't have to deal with the stress. it should be something you really want. cause you'll be stuck in it for 4-8 years. my one friend joined navy because he parents made him, he hates it but hes stuck in it for long time cause took 4 years to train him for his job.