Keeping relationships seperate inside and outside of work

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I am typically a very outgoing person who likes to be friendly with everyone and even likes making connections to the point of doing things with people. This has recently become an issue for me as I have made two connections on the job where I currently work and both recently went down the toilet and caused tension at work due to the drama outside of work.

Does anyone here have some sort of advice about making connections at work vs. making them outside work?

I have been keeping my work/personal life separate. I tried to be more social at work but stopped drinking a few years ago and now find it almost painful to go out with coworkers and not drink....run out of things to talk about, becomes ackward, etc. I also had a friendship with a coworker go south after a few outings because she would invite other people along that I didn't know (and wouldn't warn me) and would continue to try and make new plans every weekend. The friendship felt a bit smothering.

The first relationship that I ran across was a girl who acted like a friend to my face when she really wasn't interested and would gossip behind my back along with make up stories.

The second was a lot better, and this girl was a more sincere and showed interest. The problem was over the fact that this one could not distinguish the difference between being professional and being a friend and it was awkward.

I am currently at the level of trying to meet people outside of work where I go to school at different classes ,clubs, events, etc. That way, I don't have worry about tension getting in the way is something does follow through.

I have a strict rule about my friendships at work (I have two friends at work).

We do not discuss work problems outside of work. In other words, if I had a work related problem with my friend (who is also my co-worker) - this issue STAYS at work. Likewise, if I have a problem with my co-worker outside of work - it stays "at the door" - it does not come to work with us.

We use social media (i.e. Facebook). We NEVER mention work on Facebook (only things like, "Last day of work - hellooooooo weekend" - that is the extent of our mention of work. We do not have our employee listed, we do not discuss co-workers, clients, the employer or ANYTHING to do with work on our social media pages.

Just an aside regarding work and Facebook. If a friend or anyone discusses work or a colleague on their social media (e.g. Facebook) and the employer is made aware of it - the employer LEGALLY can initiate disciplinary action. For instance. If I worked for "ABC Company" and I said, "ABC Company is run by a bunch of incompetent morons" and this was printed or electronically sent to my employer as being part of my "wall" - ABC Company can FIRE ME. Likewise - if coworkers (who are friends) are discussing stuff on Facebook and they start making negative comments about their company or another employee and this page is either printed or electronically sent to the employer - again - the company can initiate disciplinary action, up to and including termination.


Also, when at work - maintain the highest of integrity. If you see your friend stealing from the company or see negligence or something that you would report if the person was not your friend - your obligation is to your company. Also, if your friend has an issue with another employee (who is outside your friendship loop) - you still need to treat the other employee with respect. Your friendship cannot affect your standards at work.

I hope that this is helpful.

CR